Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Odds 'n Ends

(Periodically, I will present a roundup of the worst of the worst in celebrity sex “news.” I call it Odds ’n Ends, because some of them are weird to weirder, and some I want NEVER to be COVERED – EVER AGAIN!)

Judge Tells them to Get Along

I promised myself never, ever to talk about these self-absorbed, horrible parents as long as I live. Well, never say never!

As the Stomach Turns came to Norristown, Pa., today when Jon and Kate Gosselin arrived at Montgomery County Courthouse separately Tuesday morning hoping to settle a financial free-for-all.

Unfortunately, neither need to be introduced. For reasons that totally escape me, they have become incredibly famous (infamous) for a “reality” Cable TV show focusing on their lives raising eight children. (He is a doe-eyed weenie, and she has the weirdest a-symetrical haircut ever!)

This season (I cannot bring myself to talk about this as actual life) the pair had a meltdown and are ending their torturous marriage. He has had a self-admitted love affair prior to their separation, while she is reported to have had a fling with the family bodyguard, which she denies.

A couple of weeks ago, he shut production down on the long-running series claiming that the filming was harming his children – an action which almost exactly coincided with him being removed from the show. (Oh brother, you just can’t make this stuff up – or, you can make this stuff up. I have a head ache!)

What to do? What to do? See a marriage counselor, work to make sure your children are not hurt by all of this rancor and constant, horrendoous publicity? No, not at all – the answer to these addled-brained folks was simple – go on TV!

For the past two weeks, you could not turn on an entertainment show, or even a traditional news show without falling over these two lunk heads leveling vicious allegations at each other. Soooo much fun to watch. Better than a train wreck, isn’t it?

What of their children, for God’s sake? Why have these poor little ones NEVER been the primary consideration, or even the second consideration? How can this be entertainment when the series is documenting the psychological destruction of eight people for the sake of ratings?

The fun couple arrived separately at the Montgomery Courthouse in Norristown, Pennsylvania around 8:30 a.m., and spent about an hour inside before leaving – separately.

The couple met with their respective attorneys, a court-appointed arbitrator and a judge.

Kate has alleged that Jon removed $230,000 from the former couple’s joint bank account, leaving her with a scant $13,000 to survive.

Jon has denied his withdrawals were inappropriate, and fired back at Kate asking her to account for $60,000 in withdrawals she has made.

Naturally, the judge in the case did not rule on anything that the couple has been battling over, instead ordering the parents to work out an agreement with the arbitrator. The judge reportedly said he would agree to any resolution the arbitrator decided on – as long as it was in the best interests of the couple’s children. (What a novel concept in this case!)

As for the money in question, the judge reportedly said anything taken improperly should be returned, telling Jon to return around $180,000, and for Kate to return any monies she might have removed, but did not go in specifics. The judge also urged Jon and Kate to keep this matter “private, amicable.” (Yet, another novel concept!)

Well, judge, I have my own heartfelt suggestion to Jon, Kate and the entire, frenzied media: SHUT THE FUCK UP, ALREADY!

Neither the judge, nor I (kidding - who cares about me) had any impact on either of them. Almost as soon as the ink was dry on the order, both moronics were on entertainment shows, or sending comments to them. You two deserve what you get, and those children deserve much better!

The reality show/circus parents are due back in court October 26.


Yet Another Ugly Divorce Gets Even Uglier

Despite their divorce being official for a year, things are far from amicable for supermodel Christie Brinkley and her ex-husband Peter Cook. The two were in court on Wednesday sparring over terms of their settlement, with each accusing the other of ill-doing involving the couple's children and asking that each other be jailed.

(Good grief, I had hoped we had heard the last from these two, didn't you?)

The divorce proceedings, held in the summer of 2008, were regular tabloid fodder, in part due to Cook's admission that he had committed adultery with eighteen-year-old Diana Bianchi. Press and public interest increased with Cook's revelations that he had paid $300,000 to Bianchi in the hopes of forestalling a lawsuit and had spent thousands of dollars each month on internet pornography. (Uh, did he ever LOOK at his wife?)

His attorneys claim that Brinkley is attempting to sabotage the father's relationship with his children. He claims that Brinkley refused to turn over son Jack's passport in a timely fashion, which caused him to miss a school trip to Israel that was supposed to be chaperoned by Cook.

"She is doing everything she can to ruin my relationship with my kids ... I am trying to move on with my life and I wish she would do the same," Cook told the New York Post.

Due to this and other violations that Cook is claiming, his legal team is Brinkley's lawyer Peter Caronia calls Cook's claims "without merit and totally disingenuous," saying that Brinkley was late in handing the passport over because of the death of a friend's mother and Cook's refusal to pick it up himself.

Cook asked for Brinkley to be imprisoned and forced to take anger management classes, and also wants additional child visitation rights. Brinkley claims that Cook is in the wrong for talking about their case on talk shows and also letting his new girlfriend to spend time with their children. She also wants Cook jailed, and asked for reimbursement of legal fees and to be paid from the sale of the couple's old boat.


Talk About The VERY Friendly Skies

A former flight attendant on Oprah Winfrey's private jet is suing the talk-show host, claiming she was fired after being wrongfully accused of having sex with the jet's chief pilot on board in June.

In a defamation lawsuit recently filed in Chicago Federal Court, Corrine Gehrls, 39, claims she was fired after two other flight attendants — Myron Gooch and Kirby Bumpus — accused her of having sex with pilot Terry Pansing, who is married.

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, Corrine Gehrls said she was wrongfully accused of sleeping with Pansing by flight attendant Myron Gooch and Gayle King's daughter, Kirby Bumpus (who also happens to be Winfrey's goddaughter.)

"Gehrls claims Gooch and Bumpus devised a plan to have the pilot and her fired because of work-related disputes," the Chicago Sun-Times said.

Gehrls claims in the suit she and Pansing were fired after the allegations were made, despite the fact that the they both took, and passed, polygraph tests.

Accordingly, Gerhrls said she believes that Winfrey knew the allegations were false because the plane was refueling on the ground when the alleged incident happened.

Gerhrls is seeking more than $75,000 in damages from Oprah's production company, Harpo, Gooch and Bumpus. Harpo Productions says Hehrls' claims are false and the lawsuit is without merit.

Good grief, can you say FRIVILOUS! The famous and wealthy (can Winfrey be any more of either?) are often the target of ridiculous lawsuits. I expect this one to get tossed out as such by the judge.


More Late Night Hanky Panky

Late-night talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel disclosed he is dating one of his Jimmy Kimmel Live! writers. The news of the relationship comes in the wake of an extortion plot against David Letterman over relationships he had with his Late Show employees.

Jimmy Kimmel has confirmed that he began dating "Live!" writer Molly McNearney just months after breaking it off with longtime girlfriend, Sarah Silverman, in March.

OK. So, let’s see if I understand. Kimmel was NOT being blackmailed, and neither he nor McNearney are married. No one from Live! have filed any type of sexual harassment allegations. Is it just me, or am I the only one who wonders, who the hell cares?


Playboy No. 1

Former Playboy Playmate and wife of actor Lorenzo Lamas, Shauna Sand is trying to block the release of a hardcore sex tape she made, but maintains wasn't supposed to be released.

Sand admitted that the video exists, and that Vivid Entertainment, which acquired it via an unnamed third party, has no right to distribute it. She added that she would fight the scheduled Oct. 19 release of it on DVD.

Vivid.com, however, has already launched a webpage with clips of Sand, and an unidentified man in action.

The 38-year-old mother of three also said she has "in fact" made "several sex tapes" over the years. And what about her children, you ask? Worried that her ex-husband Lamas, and father of her girls would be furious over her raunchy video romp(s), Sand did what any loving mother would do: She made him sign an agreement not to take her to court. (Good grief!)

According to Sand, she managed to calm the livid Lamas down, then got him to sign a piece of paper reading: "I, Lorenzo Lamas, will not seek custody of my minor children with Shauna Sand. Even in the event of a release of a sex tape with her, and her boyfriend."

And now, new reality star (naturally!!) Shayne Lamas, Sand's former step-daughter, is slamming the blond for what she claims is a calculated move.

"Isn't that convenient that her tape just happened to be leaked the day after my show premiered," she said, referring to her family's new E! reality show, "Leave it to Lamas." "I just feel bad for my little sisters."

(Ah, more quality TV to look forward to!)


Playboy No. 2

In Touch magazine has reported that actress (should I even call her that?) Tara Reid has stripped down to pose for the cover of an upcoming issue of Playboy magazine.

The American Pie star, who underwent a botched liposuction procedure in 2004, posed entirely nude for the popular magazine at a private residence on Oct. 7 in Santa Monica, Calif.

“She was a bit insecure about her body when they first started,” says an unnamed insider. “She looked great and finally got into the groove.”

(It’s not really an entertainment story with an “unnamed” source or insider, now is it?)

Tara, 33, had said that she would never pose for Playboy, because of her body adding, “I know there are problems with my stomach. There are bumps on it, it's uneven, but it's not that bad. My stomach scars are my battle wounds."



Yankee superstar Third Baseman and well-publicized “player/bat's man” off the field, Alex Rodriguez has had an improving postseason, and some fans credit his latest star girlfriend for his improved play.

(There are times when this type of vicarious sex just makes me want to wretch!)

A-Rod’s new girlfriend, actress Kate Hudson, has won over hard-core Yankee fans bigtime. Many are crediting her with helping A-Rod snap his postseason slump, as the Yanks grabbed the first two games of the series with the Minnesota Twins.

"A-Rod's got his groove on," Jaren Canady, 20, told the New York Daily News. "I'll give Kate Hudson the credit for this."

Tyrone Gray, 40, of Coney Island, agreed about the recent performance of the three-time MVP. "A beautiful lady like that? Of course having her is an incentive," said Gray.

The $275 million Yankees slugger and the daughter of actress Goldie Hawn became an item during the regular season. Hudson, 30, was soon a Yankee Stadium fixture. Hawn’s long-time love, actor Kurt Russell, often attends games with Hudson to cheer on the pinstripes.

Since his divorce a few years ago, A-Rod has been linked to a host of famous women, including iconic pop star Madonna.

(Well, he’s certainly got the right nickname for it all, huh?)


The “New” Insider is Worse than Awful

The New Insider needs to be congratulated: it’s revamped format has lifted the previously highly boring show to a highly annoying one.

A tabloid television “news program,” it used to cover events and celebrities. It debuted on Sept. 13, 2004, as a spinoff of Entertainment Tonight. It began as a popular segment that took viewers "behind closed doors" and gave them "inside" information about their favorites as well TV and movies.

Since becoming a separate program however, the show has been taken a tabloid direction. When its new format debuted this season, it became a hybrid of The View popular segment, “Hot Topics” with a dash of the insane antics more typical of the Jerry Springer Show.

Now, four “hosts” basically yell at each other about non-stories, and make them as smutty as possible.

There are three permanent co-hosts now, Lara Spencer, Samantha Harris, actor Chris Jacobs, along with a guest host, like comic Niecy Nash, or the always-obnoxious Starr Jones. A so-called legal analyst, Darren Kavinoky, is also on board.

At the end, one of the panelists “award” a best and worst celebrity of the day. I’m sure their ratings have soared, but I personally want to bestow the show an award for being the worst celebrity show ever!

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