Belle de Jour: Not All Women are ‘Bunny Boilers’

Belle de Jour’s bestselling book from last year provides some wonderfully written relationship advice to women about men.

After that book, "Belle de Jour’s Guide to Men" appeared to widespread acclaim, the author promised that a sequel for men about women was in the works. Well gentlemen, soon it will be your turn to hear her advice, using the same literate, amusing and entertaining style that has delighted old and new fans for years – but not just yet.

For the first taste of things to...ahem...come, she just posted on her blog a portion of what readers can expect in the upcoming book. The post is yet another example of what makes this remarkable woman so wildly popular around the globe.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with her, Belle de Jour had been the nom de plume of a celebrated British erotic author, who was also a London call girl for two years.

Last year, Belle revealed her true identity is Dr. Brooke Magnanti, of Bristol, England, a noted scientist. Brooke’s specialist areas are developmental neurotoxicology and cancer epidemiology. She has a PhD in informatics, epidemiology and forensic science and is now working at the Bristol Initiative for Research of Child Health. She is currently part of a team researching the potential effects on babies of their mothers' exposure to toxic chemicals.

But, from 2003 to late 2004, Brooke worked as a prostitute via a London escort agency; she started blogging as Belle de Jour — after the Buñuel film starring Catherine Deneuve as a well-to-do housewife who has sex for money because she’s bored — shortly into her career as a call girl, after an incident she thought funny enough to write down.

She charged £300 an hour for her services, of which she got £200. The average appointment lasted two hours; she saw clients two or three times a week, “sometimes less, sometimes a great deal more,” she has said.

So fans, sit back and begin to learn a bit of what every man should know about dating and relationships. Here’s her post in full. Read it here, or read it directly on Brooke’s blog, but whatever you do, just read it:

“mardi, février 23

People keep asking if there's a Guide to Men, where is the Guide to Women? All I can say is, I'm working on it. And also terribly mystified that anyone wants my advice on the topic, because if general consensus is to be believed, I'm not a lot like other women.

Which is bollocks. There are loads of women who are not like me but plenty who are. As flattering as the notion that I am a unique snowflake might be, it doesn't pass Occam's Razor or indeed any other logical test you might want to apply.

Bottom line, I can offer advice and you can take it or leave it. Your mileage might vary, nota bene and all the rest. I just write about what I like. If there was any such thing as a One True Way as re: relationships, there wouldn't be so damn many books about them, no?

So enjoy. And try to lighten up a little.

Belle's Guide to Women: Myths Busted

This is for the fellas.

Ever wondered how to get ahead with the fairer sex? Then put down that copy of The Game, dawg, and listen up. The first step to getting respec' from women is not honing your magic tricks and negs. It's rewiring some of the lame-ass received knowledge about men and women out there.

You know what they say, it wouldn't be a stereotype if it wasn't true. And unfortunately, as (sort of) accurate as that is, it also forms the basis of a lot of bad advice between male friends.

How do I know? Because many of my close mates are guys, and I see them all giving each other the same bad advice.

Maybe it's because loads of guys don't like to admit to deep weaknesses or insecurities. Maybe it's because the men they're seeking help from don't actually know themselves what to do but aren’t admitting that. Maybe it's because there are only so many hours in the day, and emotional shit takes time away from the important job of sitting down with a beer in front of Top Gear repeats on Dave. Whatever.

Luckily for you, I'm here to help.

So let's talk about some of the more common stereotypes of what women are like, why these things happen, and most importantly – how to avoid these common pitfalls.

Stereotype 1: "Women are a bunch of bunny boilers!"

I have to admit to a particular irritation with this phrase. Not least because it has been thrown out there in reference to myself, and I am one of the least bunny-boiling people around. Stalking is so not my style. Packing up in the dead of night and going ex-directory is more my speed.

And if I hear a man use the phrase, I declare his ass a no-go zone for all future assignations, because playing the Bunny Boiler card is like incest: once you go there, it can't be undone.

However, seeing as the term has taken hold like endemic syphilis in Victorian London, I feel compelled to talk you fellows through this one.

Since it's just you and me I'm going to ask you to take a good, hard, honest look at your past. Don't worry, you don't have to share with anyone else. But for the sake of this exercise be internally honest.

Have you ever called a woman you were seeing or sleeping with a Bunny Boiler?

If no, skip this. You passed. You're golden.

If yes, then here's a follow-up question. In the time between meeting this woman and having cause to call her a Bunny Boiler, did you do any of the following:

• Turn off your phone when you knew she was going to ring? (extra point if you later pretended to be in a place with no reception)

• Say you were on the way when in fact you weren’t?

• Reveal a girlfriend you'd conveniently forgotten to mention before luring her into bed?

• Told an obvious lie to get out of something you didn't want to do?

• Make fun of her somewhere where she would find out (Facebook status, one-way police mirror, Newsnight)?

If you have EVER, and I mean EVER done any of the above, then the fault is not with her. I'm sorry to say it's with you. You provoked her; she reacted. Don't want a woman to freak out when you don't show up for a date? Then don't make a date you don't show up for. It really is that simple.

Granted, maybe she could have been a bit more Zen about the whole thing, accepted your jerkface actions, and flown off into the night like Ingrid Bergman doing that classy dame shit. But that's her lookout, not yours. Bottom line is you let someone down. See what this is turning into? You fib, someone freaks out, she freaked out, so next time you fib. Hurrah, you've just achieved an infinite feedback loop.

If this is you, what can you do about it? Well, learning how to be honest with kindness is a good start.

It takes stones to be honest, but damn it, that is worthwhile. Because if you start being a weasel once or twice, then a couple of years down the line when you find someone you really like, she's going to go to her friends. They're going to have heard about you. Or else she'll sniff you out, because someone whose time is worthwhile is usually pretty good at doing that. And right out of the box she's going to know you're not someone whose word can be taken at face value.

Which, in case you didn't know it, is not a highly attractive feature to be known for.

Thing is, not everyone is born with Steve McQueen style skillz. Not everyone instinctually gets how to send out the signals that he is not just a man, but a Man. But what you probably didn't figure is that these skills can be learned. And they're simple. Put a few basic principles into practice, and wave bye-bye to Bunny Boiler name-calling for good.

So how do you do that? Here's the three-point plan:

• Say what you mean, mean what you say. Maybe men back off this sometimes because they equate honesty with verbal diarrhoea. Saying what you mean does not mean spouting any damn fool idea when it comes into your head. It does mean representing your intentions honestly.

• Be up front at the right time. If anything in your life can be reasonably described as 'it's complicated', get that out of the way fast. Post-sex pillow talk is not the time to drop the This Is Just Casual, Right? card. Um, no, cowboy. You get that shit out in the open while you're still vertical.

• Take criticism, leave the rest. Sometimes you'll inadvertently do something someone doesn't like. They'll let you know about it. Know what to do with that? Learn the lesson – figure out what's true in what she's saying - and ignore the heat. Someone getting upset with you does not mean whatever they're saying is untrue. Take it on the chin like a man and don't call her names.

If that sounds simple, that's because it is. Games are for children. Like Prince so deftly put it, act your age, not your shoe size. Maybe, then, you too can do the twirl.

Next Stereotype: "Women are never statisfied!"

POSTED BY BELLE DE JOUR AT 4:24 PM”

As Belle de Jour, Brooke has written four books in addition to her always fabulous blog about her work in the sex industry. Her fifth book, Belle's Best Bits: A London Call Girl Reveals Her Favourite Adventures, was released last month and is widely available across the pond and at Amazon UK.

Here is a description of the book, kindly provided by Orion Books:

“From the summer of 2003 Belle charted her day-to-day adventures on and off the field in a frank, funny and award-winning diaries. She was the first to reveal (among other things) how she became a working girl, what it feels like to do it for money, and where to buy the best knickers for the job. She also discusses her efforts to change from 'working girl' to working girl, whilst sneaking off to visit clients in her lunch hour. From debating the literary merits of Martin Amis with naked clients to smuggling whips into luxury hotels, this is a no-holds barred account of the high-class sex-trade, and an insight into the secret life of an extraordinary woman.”

In addition to Guide to Men and Belle’s Bits, her other books are: The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl, September 2005; The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl, May 2007; and Playing the Game, June 2009. All of them are worth reading and re-reading – trust me!

Her writing has been so popular that it became the basis for the international hit TV series, Secret Diary of a Call Girl, starring Billie Piper. It can be seen on Showtime in the U.S., and the first two seasons are available on DVD. The third season premiered this month, and was previewed by a special 30-minute interview of Brooke by Billie. Hopefully, that interview will be included in the third-season DVD boxed set once it becomes available.


— The Curator

Muslim Women Caned for Illicit Sex Defend Penalty

Three Muslim women who were the first in Malaysia to be caned for illicit sex feel the penalty was an opportunity for them to repent, according to media reports.

Legal commentators have said that the Islamic courts – which operate in parallel to the civil system in Malaysia – are becoming increasingly confident, threatening Malaysia's status as a secular nation.

The Sharia courts have been clamping down on rarely enforced religious laws that apply to Muslim Malays who dominate the population – including a ban alcohol and sex between unmarried couples.

The caning has outraged civil and human rights groups and revived speculation that conservative Islamists, who advocate harsh punishment, are gaining influence.

Prison authorities caned the women on Feb. 9 after an Islamic Shariah court issued the penalty. The three women, aged 17-25, said they turned themselves in after feeling guilty for sleeping with their boyfriends before marriage and getting pregnant, The Star and the New Straits Times newspapers reported.

Malaysian Deputy Premier Muhyiddin Yassin said many, including Malaysians, were horrified at the idea of a woman being caned because they did not know how it was done.

"The caning punishment meted out by the Shariah court is legal and how the international community looks at it, is up to them. But I believe it is important that authorities make an effort to explain the procedure because it is far different from the impression many have," he said.

"While the caning sentence meted out by civil courts can cause hurt and sometimes even death, caning according to Shariah law is light. It is more to educate and remind Muslims to honor and abide by their religion," he said after chairing the Cabinet committee on human capital development.

Yassin defended the caning saying it was "far lighter" than what some people might imagine. "The punishment is legitimate and in accordance with the law," he said.

Human rights groups have condemned the caning, saying it is a cruel and degrading punishment and discriminates against Muslim women because Malaysian civil law – which applies to non-Muslims – bans the caning of women.

The women were fully clothed and sitting on a stool. Two of them received six strokes and the third was given four strokes on their backs from a thin rattan cane administered at Kajang Prison.

Caning of men for such offences as rape, drug smuggling and staying illegally in the country is common. It is administered with a thick rattan stick on bare buttocks, causing severe pain and leaving scars.

The three became the first women in the country to be flogged for committing Shariah offences.

A Shariah court had recently also sentenced a Muslim model, Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, to be caned for being caught drinking beer in a hotel nightclub in July last year. The sentence of six cane strokes against the 33-year-old mother-of-two has not yet been executed.

Her case, which was to have been the first time a woman was caned under Islamic law in Malaysia, is still under review after she was given a last-minute reprieve amid intense worldwide media and public outcry.

Malaysia's Bar Council has said it was "shocking" that the caning of the three women went ahead while the Kartika case was unresolved.

Hamidah Marican, Executive Director of an NGO called Sisters in Islam (SIS), said the case of the three women constituted further discrimination against Muslim women in Malaysia.

"It violates Constitutional guarantees of equality and non-discrimination as the whipping of women under Shariah Criminal Offences legislation contradicts civil law where women are not punishable by caning under Section 289 of the Criminal Procedure Code," she was quoted as saying by 'Star' online.

Bar Council Chairman Ragunath Kesavan appealed to the government to immediately review and abolish all forms of punishment involving whipping and to comply with international norms and principles on it.

The 17-year-old told reporters that she surrendered to Islamic authorities after her prematurely born child died. She is now serving a six-month prison sentence.

"I know I have sinned, and I have to be punished. Strangely however, I felt that the caning was not a form of punishment but was an opportunity for me to repent and return to the right path," The Star quoted her as saying.

She has already married her boyfriend, who has also been caned and jailed over the offence. The other women, who have one young child each, are planning to marry their partners, who have also been caned, after they are released.

"On the day I was caned, I was scared but, at the same time, I knew I deserved it and was willing to take the punishment," said one of the women, a 25-year-old who went by the name of "Ayu."

She told the New Straits Times that the punishment – administered while they were fully clothed and by a female prison officer wielding a thin rattan cane – did not hurt.

"Those out there who are having sex before marriage should really consider the consequences and not only think about momentary pleasure," she told the daily.

The three women said they turned themselves in to religious authorities after being wracked by guilt over having pre-marital sex.

"Ayu" has a one-year-old daughter with her boyfriend, who she plans to marry, and the other two women also gave birth out of wedlock.

Human rights campaigners, who were stunned by the caning of the three women which had not been foreshadowed by authorities, were skeptical over the comments published in several Malaysian newspapers.

"These three women are just normal people who have been surrounded by all kinds of legal mumbo jumbo and pressured into agreeing to be caned," one activist told AFP, declining to be named because of the sensitivity of the issue.

A Prison Department official confirmed the women's comments, made at a news conference at the women's prison outside Kuala Lumpur to local, government-linked media under the watch of authorities. He said they were reluctant to speak to other media. It could not be confirmed whether they were speaking voluntarily. A request with the department for interviews is pending.

Malaysia has a two-tier justice system. Shariah courts deal with personal matters for Muslims, who account for about two-thirds of the country's 28 million people, while non-Muslims – many of whom are ethnic Chinese and Indians – go to civil courts.

(Note: The above photograph was allowed to be taken at Kajang Prison in Kuala Lumpur, and depicts officials demonstrating how caning is employed.)

Let me very, very clear: I abhor caning, and view it as legalized torture — but I am a Westerner. It remains up to the citizens of Malaysia to decide what their culture, their government does or does not do in the name of justice and religion. However, as citizens of the world we have a solemn responsibility to voice our unflagging support of ALL people who are endangered or abused. But be very careful oh-oft-arrogant American before you condemn: Make sure your own land is in order before you judge the land of another.

— The Curator

Sex Education: Beyond NO Agreement! Revisited

Please note: This is a combined post by The Curator of The Sexhibition and
Is Still Here of Surviving Survival.
 
A research study regarding the positive merits of “abstinence-only” sex education has been bogged down in blogged down misreporting so much that we decided to take a fresh look at this important topic.
 
The study, which has generated worldwide publicity, appears in the February edition of Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine. Normally an academic study entitled “Efficacy of a Theory-Based Abstinence-Only Intervention Over 24 Months” would draw little attention in the popular press. However, the term “Abstinence-Only” was the red flag that drew journalists and bloggers like moths to a flame. Add that the study concludes in part, “abstinence-only intervention reduced sexual initiation,” and the story went virtually viral on the Internet and was noted on most news outlets. (By the way, “reduced sexual initiation” is science-speak for “lost their virginity!”)
 
So, what’s the problem? Well, frankly much of the information released and reprinted was very misleading at best, and downright wrong at worst. It may not be the fault of bloggers or journalists, but because the abstract (brief synopsis) of the study that was released publicly is all too brief, and begs gross generalizations that are unsupported by the actual study.
 
Sadly, the entire issue of abstinence has become politicized by the right and left, as well as various religious ideologies here and abroad.
 
Here is the basic finding of the study: The number of adolescents reporting that they had lost their virginity was one-third less with an “abstinence-only program” delivered in sixth and seventh grade, according to John B. Jemmott III, PhD, of the University of Pennsylvania, and colleagues in the February Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine.
 
Let’s tackle three obvious problems right up front: First, all of the findings are based on the self-reporting of the participants, who were 662 African-American sixth- and seventh-graders attending four low-income middle schools in the Philadelphia area; Second, the “abstinence-only” program used in the study was unusual. In fact, it would not have qualified for abstinence-only federal funding because it did not rely on moral principles, nor did it criticize condom usage; and Third, there is no way to know if there is a cause and effect relationship from the results of ONE study.
 
OK, so here’s a more in-depth recap of the study, without histrionics or as few embellishments as possible. It’s from Medpage Today, written by John Gever, Senior Editor, and reviewed by Robert Jasmer, MD; Associate Clinical Professor of Medicine, University of California, San Francisco and Dorothy Caputo, MA, RN, BC-ADM, CDE, Nurse Planner. Read it here, or at the Medpage Today website.
 
Jemmott and colleagues tested five different programs on the kids that included:
 
— Eight hours of “abstinence-only” education addressing risks of HIV and other STD’s, as well as pregnancy, seeking to promote waiting to engage in oral, anal, and vaginal intercourse "until later in life when the adolescent is more prepared to handle the consequences of sex."
 
— Eight hours of safer-sex instruction, encouraging condom use but not sexual abstinence.
 
— Eight hours of comprehensive education combining support for abstinence as well as safer-sex content.
 
— Twelve hours of comprehensive education.
 
— Eight hours of general health education and promotion regarding chronic diseases, not addressing sexual behaviors.
 
Each of these five programs were taught in one-hour modules over two weekend sessions, except for the 12-hour comprehensive program, which was taught in three sessions.
 
In addition, half the participants in each program were randomly selected to receive "booster" education, including three-hour sessions given six weeks and three months after the initial program; six issues of a newsletter; and six 20-minute individual counseling sessions with the original instructors over a 21-month period.
 
The children were quizzed about their sexual behaviors to provide a baseline, and five more times for two years after the initial intervention.
 
The proportion of teens receiving the abstinence-only program who reported they had had intercourse at least once was 32.6 percent, compared with 41 percent to 52 percent among participants assigned to other intervention programs. These included comprehensive education covering both abstinence, and methods to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s), as well as a program focusing on "safer sex."
 
At least superficially, the findings contrast with earlier studies in which abstinence-only interventions appeared ineffective, Medpage Today notes, but: Although the abstinence-only program appeared more effective in delaying loss of virginity, it had little or no effect on other sexual behaviors including multiple sex partners, engaging in unprotected sex, and consistency in condom use.
 
Although the reliance on participants' self-reports of sexual behavior was a significant limitation, Jemmott and colleagues cautioned, they called the results "promising."
 
"They suggest that theory-based abstinence-only interventions can have positive effects on adolescents' sexual involvement," they wrote. "This is important because abstinence is the only approach that is acceptable in some communities and settings in both the U.S. and other countries."
 
The stated conclusion of the study was, “theory-based abstinence-only interventions may have an important role in preventing adolescent sexual involvement.”
 
We think it is very important to note that this is just one study that has not been repeated. It is normal practice in any scientific endeavor, to seek independent confirmation before accepting results as fact. In addition, the number of variables in this study is staggering, especially considering this is a social study, and not purely scientific.
 
We should point out the study's lead author has released a statement that, "Policy should not be based on just one study, but an accumulation of empirical findings from several well-designed, well-executed studies."
 
Yet a simple search of current news and blog posts referring to the study will indicate results ranging from “abstinence-only program shows promise” to “study affirms abstinence education.”
 
If there can be any conclusion, perhaps it is simply to suggest that other studies need to be conducted. The sexual well-being of our children is vital for them to grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults.
 
After a decade-long decline, teen pregnancy rates rose in 2006. When the teen pregnancy rate dropped in the 1990s, it was largely because of increased contraception use. With the Bush administration in power, though, Congress directed a whole lot of money towards abstinence-only education — telling kids just to keep it in their pants until. The result? A four percent rise in teen births, and a one percent rise in abortion.
 
The U.S. also has the highest rate of teen pregnancy, birth and abortion of any industrialized, Western nation. Seven percent of all teenage girls here get pregnant.
 
These statistics are undisputed.


— The Curator and Is Still Here

Sex Education: Beyond NO Agreement!

What is a parent to do? On the same week, two reports dealing with teen pregnancy rates and the effectiveness of sex education programs came to exactly the opposite conclusion: abstinence only teaching programs work; abstinence only teaching programs do not work!

After a decade-long decline, teen pregnancy rates rose in 2006. When the teen pregnancy rate dropped in the 1990's, it was largely attributed to increased contraception use. With the Bush administration in power, though, Congress directed a whole lot of money towards abstinence-only education — telling kids just to keep it in their pants until marriage. The result? A 4 percent rise in teen births, and a 1 percent increase in abortion.

The U.S. also has the highest rate of teen pregnancy, birth and abortion of any industrialized, Western nation. Seven percent of all teenage girls here get pregnant.

While abstinence programs were a favorite of the Bush administration, Pres. Barack Obama’s administration has eliminated over $170 million in federal funding for abstinence programs after previous studies showed that they did not work.

Shockingly, those statistics were challenged by a new study concluding that teaching abstinence in sex education classes works better than showing them safe methods of contraception. According to the study, published last week in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, 67 percent of the teens who received some form of abstinence-only education delayed having sex for two years, compared with 48 percent of teens who received no sex education.

These findings have caught the attention of those from across the political spectrum and even across the globe because it is the FIRST study showing that abstinence education might be affective.

Just Say No – that’s the fundamental message of controversial abstinence campaigns such as the U.S.-based Silver Ring Thing, aimed at encouraging teenagers to save sex for the marriage bed. But this is not just an American phenomenon. Similar “abstinence-centred” approaches are taking an increasingly defining role in the sex education of young people across Europe. Thus, this new U.S. report is getting a lot of attention because it actually contradicts the findings of many other international studies.

This dramatic new evidence ought to be good news for Texas, right? After all, state law there requires an emphasis on abstinence, and most school districts stop there.

But education experts caution that the program tested is very different from the curriculum offered in many Texas schools. And while elements can be found in some North Texas classrooms, not even the researchers can say for certain which parts of their specially designed program made it work.

Advocates of abstinence-only classes praised the study. Even many experts who are generally critical of abstinence-only are impressed with the new research.

"That sends a message to people that you can do abstinence-only, but you need to be smart about it," said David Wiley, president of the American School Health Association. Wiley, a Texas State University professor who co-authored a study last year that was highly critical of most sex education programs in Texas, said there were valuable lessons in the new research.

"It proves that when you do it the right way, using medically accurate information, you get better results," he said.

The new study involved 662 black sixth- and seventh-graders in four Philadelphia-area public schools. The researchers tested five education programs: abstinence-only, two kinds of "comprehensive" classes that included discussion of contraception, a "safer sex" class, and a health class that did not discuss sex education.

The researchers identified at least two important results, first that abstinence-only classes worked. By the end of two years, about half of the students in the health-only class probably had sex at least once, compared with about a third of the students who took the abstinence-only course.

Secondly, even those students in the abstinence-only group who had sex were no less likely to use a condom – a concern raised by critics of the abstinence-only approach.

But John Jemmott, the University of Pennsylvania professor who led the study, warned that these results don't necessarily apply to other abstinence-only programs, including those in Texas.

Compared with many public school programs for children in those grades, his class was significantly longer – eight hours, plus follow-up sessions.

Gloria Canham, director of health services for the Richardson school district, said there's no time for the level of detail and student-engaging education strategies employed in Jemmott's class design. Richardson school nurses spend about an hour each year with students, starting in fifth grade.

"We feel lucky to get the time we have, away from instruction" she said.

Jemmott's approach did not take a moral stand on sex. It did not tell students to wait until they were married. It engaged the students to come up with their own lists of positive goals and dreams that could be affected by the consequences of sex. And instructors were not allowed to unfairly disparage the use or effectiveness of condoms.

How does that stack up with what's offered in most Texas schools? The most intense sex education classes here are aimed at higher grades. Many take a clear moral stand against sex. There's usually an emphasis on waiting until marriage. And state law requires that instructors use "reality rates" to describe the effectiveness of contraception – a rule that critics say pushes some instructors into avoiding questions or into answers that confuse students.

Which of those differences may matter? Jemmott has his theories but admits that his research doesn't offer clear directions.

"I don't know whether the intervention would have worked any differently if we'd said 'until marriage,' " he said.

But some of the elements of his classes can be found in North Texas. Kids in the lower grades get at least an introduction to sex education at most schools.

For the lower grades in Richardson, the nurses show films, present slides and answer questions. As with the Jemmott method, morality isn't an issue, Canham said. Richardson's policy says that students are to be taught that abstinence is the "only effective prevention" of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Questions about the effectiveness of condom use are generally deflected, with a suggestion that the students talk to their parents, she said.

In Dallas, at least two elementary schools offer a voluntary program called SMART (Students Making Abstinence Real Today). Standard coursework starts in sixth grade with basic human biology, plus training in how to resist peer pressure, maintenance of self-esteem and an explanation of sexual harassment.

As for when to have sex, "our teachers are told to frame it in terms of a marital relationship," Dallas schools spokesman Jon Dahlander said.

Should Texas schools beef up their efforts to reach younger students with a more intensive sex education program? Both Dahlander and Canham were cautious about drawing specific lessons from the new study. And even Jemmott said others should not pull too many conclusions from one piece of research.

Jemmott, long a critic of other abstinence-only programs, now finds himself an unlikely champion. He said he still believes that there is more evidence that a comprehensive approach works. But he said he recognizes that many communities want an effective abstinence-only approach.

"I would be very happy if other researchers who have developed effective comprehensive interventions in the past would turn their skills and experience to the creation of abstinence-only interventions," he said.

Good grief, now my head hurts! I have read through what feels like millions of columns related to these reports, but for me, one of the best is by well-respected sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman. Here is the column in full, or you can read it at the Chicago Sun-Times website:

By Dr. Laura Berman

“The debate over sex education was heightened last week as a result of a new study that found that abstinence-only sex education might be effective in preventing teenage sexual activity.

Among parents and policy makers, there are three main schools of thought when it comes to sex education. These are:

• Abstinence-only education (like the one followed in the study) takes a "just say no" approach to sex. Students are given tips on how to resist peer pressure along with the sobering statistics on STDs.

• Comprehensive sex education teaches about the importance of abstinence while including facts about birth control methods, tips for how to negotiate condom use, and normalizing sexuality and sexual urges.

• Safer sex education teaches teens how to protect against STDs and unplanned pregnancy, including symptoms of common STDs and treatments.

The most recent study, which was published in the Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine, followed African-American middle schoolers for 24 months. The researchers found that students who attended the abstinence-only program were less likely to engage in sexual activity than those who attended general health classes (such as safer sex education programs).

However, as any middle schooler attending social studies can tell you, one study can't have all the answers. All studies have potential flaws and biases and, in particular, this one paid students $20 for each abstinence-only class they attended. This might have caused students to feel obligated to misrepresent their sexual activity.

Even if the research was without flaw, its findings do not mean that we should throw out all other sex education classes; especially when there are numerous studies supporting their success. The fact that the 2006 teenage pregnancy rate increased for the first time in years is proof enough that the Bush administration's support of abstinence-only curriculum was ineffective.

Add to that the statistic that shows that one in four teenage girls has an STD and we can all agree that our sex education programs need work.

Sex education shouldn't just be about teaching kids to say no, or even just about teaching kids about STDs and pregnancy. It also should include information on how to negotiate for condom use, how the only "safe sex" is no sex at all, and how sexual feelings are normal and healthy. The physical risks of sex can be discussed, along with the emotional risks, such as heartbreak, embarrassment and disappointment.

But, we also can teach that sex is healthy and special in the right circumstances; and then help them to identify what those circumstances are.

Abstinence always can be offered as the first and safest option, but it should not be offered as the only option.

If we teach our teenagers about the importance of waiting and about the importance of condoms and other contraceptives, sex doesn't have to be the biggest mistake of their lives. By giving them information, we are not giving them permission. We are merely giving them the tools they need to make the right decision when the issue of sex arises (and trust me, it will).

When it comes to our children's health and safety, we absolutely cannot let personal politics or religious taboos get in the way. Let's stop arguing amongst ourselves and think about the millions of teens who need our help. Save the drama for the next election season.”

I couldn’t agree more with Dr. Berman. Children need to be instructed about sex and safe sex, accurately and completely, but should also be encouraged to wait by parents/guardians who can explain why it is important for them to hold off until they are older. I believe if parents/guardians have this conversation lovingly while they listen and not lecture to their kids, they will be able to explain that the decision to wait is relevant to their young lives.


— The Curator

Belle de Jour Meets T — Part I!!

For many of us true fans, the meeting between Belle de Jour and her current fab, now live-in boyfriend T has been shrouded in mystery of legendary proportions.

Well, ’tis mystery no longer!

Belle de Jour’s current blog posting is a perfect example of what makes this remarkable woman so very compelling. She exposes her life in such a profound and entertaining way that readers will remember it long after they’ve left her blog and the Internet, and want even more.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with her, Belle de Jour had been the nom de plume of a celebrated British erotic author, who was also a London call girl for two years.

Last year, Belle revealed her true identity is Dr. Brooke Magnanti, of Bristol, England, a noted scientist. She disclosed her identity in a voluntary interview with the London Sunday Times. Brooke’s specialist areas are developmental neurotoxicology and cancer epidemiology. She has a PhD in informatics, epidemiology and forensic science and is now working at the Bristol Initiative for Research of Child Health. She is currently part of a team researching the potential effects on babies of their mothers' exposure to toxic chemicals.

But, from 2003 to late 2004, Brooke worked as a prostitute via a London escort agency; she started blogging as Belle de Jour — after the Buñuel film starring Catherine Deneuve as a well-to-do housewife who has sex for money because she’s bored — shortly into her career as a call girl, after an incident she thought funny enough to write down.

She charged £300 an hour for her services, of which she got £200. The average appointment lasted two hours; she saw clients two or three times a week, “sometimes less, sometimes a great deal more,” she has said.

So fans, sit back and begin to learn all about the man who stole Brooke’s heart: T. Here’s her post in full. Cheers! Read it here, or read it directly on Brooke’s blog, but whatever you do, just read it:

“lundi, février 1

You know, the story of how T and I met is kind of funny, and most of you haven't heard it yet. So here goes part 1:

The Boy and I split for good sometime late 2007, if the blog archive is correct (Google's generally better at remembering things than I am, so yeah). By April 2008 I was a bit down on work, where I lived, and fed up of going on a series of pointless dates with weird Geordies. Though for what it's worth, I did get a hell of a lot of material for Playing the Game out of those dates. But still.

I'd exhausted the limited possibilities of being set up by friends, joining Guardian Soulmates, and dipping a toe into Speed Dating. But let's be honest, who decided ticking boxes about eye colour or a 2-minute summary of your CV was a good way to meet a sex partner? What I needed was a drastically more honest – and less structured – approach. So I posted this on Gumtree in the Casual Relationships section:

By most criteria I'm a reasonable person – not secretly married, or a gold digger, or hiding a meth habit that makes Britney Spears look like Mother of the Year. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) At this point I'd take Britney, Kevin, and the entire cast of backing dancers over some of the frankly puzzling dates I've had recently.

Which brings us to the dilemma: how does an independent young woman find a casual relationship? Am not interested in one-night stands because, let's be honest, taxi fare from the Bigg Market back to mine is extortionate. Also one-off sex is usually crap. I'd like to meet someone several times a month (drinks, dinner and sleeping over optional) who has mojo to spare. Somewhere there must be a gorgeous man with a filthy mind who is up for hot regular sex...

Sounds simple, no? Maybe even appealing? And yet, I can't sodding give it away in Newcastle. There's no secret agenda. No games. I'm congenitally incapable of clingy. Mysteriously, my phone is not ringing off the hook. The trend seems to be meet a lad, go for a pint, and then... nothing. I like exploring the city's real ale haunts as much as the next girl, but this is the very limit.

There's no laundry list of requirements. Let's meet and see whether sparks fly. Granted, if you have a Nobel Laureate mind in a gym-honed bod, that would be a plus. But sexy is in the eye of the beholder – I also fancy Bill Murray.

So if you're a man between 25 and 35 who is not married and not flaky, then this girl would like to start a mutually rewarding sexual relationship with you. Bring your photo and a sense of humour; I'll bring the Astroglide and Nutella.

Peace out, man.

I started talking to several men, including T. His opening line was that he'd sung karaoke in the bar from Lost In Translation. A working knowledge of Bill Murray? Well, it at least showed he read to the end. We texted a few times, and I told him to meet me at a bar for a Thomas Truax gig...

POSTED BY BELLE AT 6:15 PM”

Pretty great, eh? What happens next? Keep checking Brooke's blog! (Note: You will probably be able to catch Part II right here, too, if a day or so behind.)

As Belle de Jour, Brooke has written four books in addition to her always fabulous blog about her work in the sex industry. Her fifth book, Belle's Best Bits: A London Call Girl Reveals Her Favourite Adventures, was released last month and is widely available across the pond and at Amazon.com UK.

Here is a description of the book, provided by Orion Books:

“From the summer of 2003 Belle charted her day-to-day adventures on and off the field in a frank, funny and award-winning diaries. She was the first to reveal (among other things) how she became a working girl, what it feels like to do it for money, and where to buy the best knickers for the job. She also discusses her efforts to change from 'working girl' to working girl, whilst sneaking off to visit clients in her lunch hour. From debating the literary merits of Martin Amis with naked clients to smuggling whips into luxury hotels, this is a no-holds barred account of the high-class sex-trade, and an insight into the secret life of an extraordinary woman.”

Her other books are Belle de Jour’s Guide to Men, 2009; The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl, September 2005; The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl, May 2007; and Playing the Game, June 2009. There is not a ringer in the bunch – trust me!

Her writing has been so popular that it became the basis for the international hit TV series, Secret Diary of a Call Girl, starring Billie Piper. It can be seen on Showtime in the U.S., and the first two seasons are available on DVD. The third season premieres this month, and was previewed by a special 30-minute interview of Brooke by Billie. Hopefully, that interview will be included in the third-season DVD boxed set once it becomes available.

— The Curator