Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Drill, BABY DRILL!

Worried about the spill in the Gulf? Worried about your own personal spill inside your partner? No problem, one company has “cum” up with the solution to both.

While BP Oil struggles to keep its prophylactic cap on and clean up its mess, Practice Safe Policy (the company behind the Obama, McCain, and Palin condoms during the last presidential election) have a unique solution to the Deepwater Horizon Spill: Oil Spill Condoms. Sales of the condom run $30 for a 10-pack or $5 individually.

“We created Oil Spill Condoms after seeing a number of reports throughout the media that only 4 million dollars had been raised to help with the relief efforts along the Gulf. After seeing hours and hours of this catastrophe unfold throughout the media, we decided that we needed to help bring attention to this catastrophe the only way we knew how; by putting it on a condom,” said Practice Safe Policy founder Benjamin Sherman.

“Our goal is to raise $50,000 to help with the Gulf Coast relief effort. After reviewing the charities that are involved in helping the Gulf, we found that the Gulf Coast Oil Spill Fund is the organization that can help make the most use of our donations,” Sherman said.

“In the short-term, the Gulf Coast Oil Spill Fund will make emergency grants to nonprofit organizations helping the victims of the oil spill. In the long-term they will help address the long-term economic, environmental, cultural effects of the disaster, and strengthen coastal communities against future environmental catastrophes by investing in solutions,” Sherman said.

The Greater New Orleans Foundation's Gulf Coast Oil Spill Fund supports fishermen and their families in the Plaquemines, St. Bernard, Lower Jefferson, Terrebonne, and Lafourche parishes.

To find out more, click here.

Here are a few choice marketing phrases, "Drill without the spill," "Great for containing your gusher and protecting your junk shot!" and "They're great for deep drilling, and they'll help to prevent a blow-out!"

They're available online OilSpillCondoms.

“This is the worst oil spill in U.S. history and as citizens we need to do what we can to help," Sherman said. “We want our customers to gush for a cause with the Oil Spill Condom.”

Here are the FAQ’s listed at the company’s website:

Q: Are they real condoms?
A: Oil Spill Condoms are real latex condoms that are FDA approved. Not only will they protect you from accidental spills, but they’ll provide relief from long term drilling.

Q: Will they work?
A: Each FDA approved condom is guaranteed not to leak, but accidents do happen, so it’s best to buytwo, or even three. Besides, the more you buy, the more is donated to help rebuild the Gulf. To find out more, click here.

Q: What makes Oil Spill Condoms so special?
A: Oil Spill Condoms were designed to hold up under the rigorous pressure from deep drilling.

Q: What size are they?
A: Oil Spill Condoms are one size fits most. Unlike regular condoms, you won't experience a blow-out; they'll contain your gusher!

Q: Usage tips.
A: Oil Spill Condoms do not like prolonged exposure to direct sunlight. Don't let them go past their expiration date. Like any irresponsible corporation, over time Oil Spill Condoms will become less effective and prone to failure.

~~~

Damn, I wish I’d thought of this. We all need to help the gulf residents survive the worst ecological disaster in U.S. history – and we all need to have safe sex. So, buy these condoms! Men take your best shot while doing your civic duty, along with doing your partner. Women (or men), be prepared for drilling anytime by having some in your purse or bedside table when he’s too stupid to remember them for himself.

— The Curator

2 comments:

  1. Just like caps on top of caps of oil wells, I have read you have to be careful that when using two condoms the friction between the two does not cause a tear. ;-)

    Is Still Here

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  2. 知識可以傳授,智慧卻不行。每個人必須成為他自己。. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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