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Hoosier Nation will now be known for much more than college sports – S-E-X!
Researchers from the University of Indiana just released results after compiling the largest survey in decades of U.S. sexual behavior. Researchers documented sexual experiences and condom use by 5,865 Americans, aged from 14 to 94.
Results are from The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, which was published yesterday in a special edition of the Journal of Sexual Medicine. In fact, there was so much interest in the study that the website that posted it crashed today.
The most shocking revelation in the survey may be its reminder how little attention scientists in this country pay to this crucial dimension of human experience.
The survey is the first comprehensive study of sexual and sexual health-related behaviors undertaken in nearly two decades, and one of only a handful conducted since the pioneering but limited studies Alfred Kinsey published more than half a century ago.
This paucity of research helps explain the "sexually dysfunctional society" former U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders bemoans in her introduction to the new study. The voluminous data also should help everyone from parents to legislators make more informed decisions about a component of behavior that now impacts nearly a third of this country's health care expenditures.
What researchers found was both expected and surprising. Broadly, the survey results confirm that humans are sexual beings from cradle to grave and that Americans are sexually active for an ever greater portion of their lives. The results show that oral sex and masturbation are now prevalent across nearly every age cohort from 18 to 92, and that a wide range of practices once considered abhorrent are commonplace among Americans of every age, sexual orientation and relationship status.
Not surprisingly, researchers found a gender gap and a generation gap in the sex lives of Americans.
The survey results should particularly interest doctors studying sexually transmitted infections, which affect one in four women between 14 and 19 years of age, and unintended pregnancies, which account for more than half of all pregnancies in the U.S. Those results indicate both the efficacy of expanded sex education (sexually active teenagers are now more likely to use a condom than their Baby Boomer counterparts) and its limitations (more than 40 percent of such teenage condom users report starting sex without a condom).
"Our main point is that sex is more than just vaginal intercourse. While it does appear to be the most common behavior...many people are being diverse in their sexual lives," said Michael Reece, director of Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion and a study author.
It will also come as no surprise, that men continue to think they perform better than they really do in the bedroom. Some 85 percent of men said the last woman they slept with had an orgasm during their most recent sexual event. Yet when the researchers asked women the same question, just 64 percent agreed.
To me, this so-called “orgasm gap” means that sadly some women are continuing to “fake it” with their male partners. Apparently, the technique made famous by the movie Harry Met Sally 
remains in place.
Unfortunately, this behavior is being blamed by the “experts” on men stopping at pleasing themselves, without ensuring that their female partner is also satisfied. To illustrate the point, the study found that men are more likely to orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse, while women are more likely to orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts (also NO surprise.)
I find that analysis annoying, to say the least, and inappropriately anti-male. I think men are much more apt to try to satisfy their female partners in this day and age, but we women still have problems articulating our needs.
To me, both sexes need to do more than touch – they need to talk. Men need to learn the real, physical signs of orgasm in women so they won’t be fooled, and women need to tell men how they like, and need to be touched and try not to fool them. If women do not know how their individual bodies responds, then they need to do some personal research to find out, then convey that crucial information to their partners.
Extensive research confirms that most women orgasm more easily with a combination of sexual activities, more extensive foreplay and if intercourse is included, stimulation of the clitoris should also be included. A minority of women have been found to orgasm with intercourse only – and that has NOTHING to do with their male partner, but their own anatomy. Other researchers have found that the only nerve centers in the vagina extend only about three inches in, beyond that, there is no sensation.
Some good news from the new survey is that teenagers are much more vigilant about condom use, if they are having sex at all. The survey also found that a majority of teens are not having sex. Of course, all of the findings are based on self-reporting.
Among sexually active teenagers, boys said they used a condom 79 per cent of the time, while girls reported that their partners used one 58 per cent of the time. Again, an interesting gender difference.
Here are a few other findings:
• Friends with benefits? Nearly 17 percent of men ages 50 to 59 reported their last sexual experience was with a friend (compared with 13 percent for those 18-24). For women, 16 percent of those aged 18-24 said their last sexual experience was with a friend, compared with nearly 10 percent for those aged 50 to 59.
• Seven percent of women and 8 percent of men identified themselves as something other than heterosexual. Five percent of women identified themselves as lesbian or bisexual and just under 7 percent of men identified themselves as gay or bisexual.
• About 40 percent of men and women ages 25 to 39 say they have vaginal intercourse a few times a month to once a week.
• About 10 percent of women ages 18 to 39 masturbate alone two to three times a week. One in five men age 25 to 29 said they masturbated four or more times per week.
• About a third of young men 16 to 17 reported receiving oral sex from a female. Some 23.5 percent of young women 16 to 17 reported receiving oral sex in the last year from a male partner.
• Four in 10 men age 25 to 59 say they have engaged in anal intercourse in their lifetime; the female percentage was similar for women 20 to 49.
• One-fifth of married men in their 50s, and one third of married men in their 60s, have not had vaginal sex in the past year.
• Forty-three percent of men of all ages said their last sexual event was "extremely" pleasurable. Among women, 29 percent rated their last sexual experience as "extremely" pleasurable. About one in three women compared with 5 percent of men reported experiencing pain the last time they had sex.
The following is a commentary from Slate:
The Ass Man Cometh
Experimentation, orgasms, and the rise of anal sex.
By William Saletan
"A new national sex survey is out. Published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, it reveals who's doing what, with whom, and how. It clarifies the prevalence of gay sex, teenage intercourse, and oral gratification. But the big story is the increase in anal sex reported by women—and its possible connection to female orgasms.
Let's start with the foreplay: a few other trends worth noting.
1. What teens are doing. By ages 14-15, 10 percent of boys say they've had vaginal sex. By ages 16-17, the number is up to 30 percent. By ages 18-19, it's above 60 percent. For girls, the trajectory is almost identical. Oral sex follows a similar trend. At ages 14-15, 9 percent of boys say they've performed cunnilingus. By ages 16-17, 20 percent say they've done it, and by ages 18-19, 61 percent say they've done it. Among girls aged 14-15, the number who say they've given a boy oral sex is 13 percent. By ages 16-17, it's 29 percent. By ages 18-19, it's 61 percent. If you're turning 20 and you haven't gone down on somebody, you're in the minority.
2. Oral ubiquity. It's funny to look back at the previous national survey, taken in 1992. In that report, the authors marveled at the mainstreaming of oral sex. Now the whole question of its normality seems silly. By ages 25-29, eight of every nine women have performed fellatio, and half have done it in the past month. For men and cunnilingus, the numbers are only slightly lower. More people think the president is a Muslim than adhere to oral chastity.
3. Reciprocity. Women are getting as good as they're giving. By ages 25-29, 88 percent say they've received oral sex from a man, and 72 percent say they've received it in the last year. (Men confirm this: 86 percent say they've given it, 74 percent in the last year.) That's pretty close to the 91 percent of men aged 25-29 who say they've received oral sex from a woman, and the 77 percent who say they've received it in the past year.
4. Homosexuality. Apparently, a lot of people try gay sex, but only about half stick with it. By ages 18-19, 10 percent of men say they've performed fellatio. That number drops among men in their 20s and 30s. But among men in their 40s and 50s, 13 percent say they've done it, and 14 to 15 percent say they've received it from another man. Meanwhile, 11 percent of men aged 20-24 say they've received anal sex. For unknown reasons, that number declines in the next age bracket up but then steadily rises in succeeding brackets, leveling off at 9 percent among men in their 40s and 50s.
Remember, these are "have you ever" questions. When men aged 20 to 59 are asked whether they've performed fellatio in the past year, the number is more like 6 percent. And only 4 percent say they've received anal sex in that time. But that's a big jump from 1992, when only 2 percent of men admitted to sex with a man in the preceding year.
For women, the gap between trying gay sex and sticking with it is greater. From ages 20 to 49, the number who say they've performed cunnilingus ranges from 10 to 14 percent, but the number who say they've done it in the last year is more like a quarter of that.
5. Anal sex. Here's the big story. In 1992, 16 percent of women aged 18-24 said they'd tried anal sex. Now 20 percent of women aged 18-19 say they've done it, and by ages 20-24, the number is 40 percent. In 1992, the highest percentage of women in any age group who admitted to anal sex was 33. In 2002, it was 35. Now it's 46.
The last time I looked at the anal sex data, I figured that most women who reported having done it meant they'd tried it just once. I was wrong. If you push these women beyond the "have you ever" question, the numbers stay surprisingly high, and they're getting higher. In 1992, the percentage of women in their 20s and 30s who said they'd had anal sex in the past year was around 10 percent. Now that number has doubled to more than 20 percent, and one-third of these women say they've done it in the last month. Among all women surveyed, the number who reported anal sex in their most recent sexual encounter was 3 to 4 percent.
That's a lot of butt sex. And remember, this is what women are reporting. If anything, they're probably understating the truth.
So what's with all the buggery? Is it brutality? Coercion? A porn-inspired male fantasy at women's expense?
Apparently not. Check out the orgasm data. Among women who had vaginal sex in their last encounter, the percentage who said they reached orgasm was 65. Among those who received oral sex, it was 81. But among those who had anal sex, it was 94. Anal sex outscored cunnilingus.
No way, you say.
Way...
What could explain this? Taboo thrill? Clitoral migration? Some new kind of vegetable oil?
Here's my guess. Look carefully at (the data.) Only 6 percent of women who had anal sex in their last encounter did so in isolation. Eighty-six percent also had vaginal sex. Seventy-two percent also received oral sex. Thirty-one percent also had partnered masturbation. And the more sex acts a woman engaged in during the encounter, the more likely she was to report orgasm. These other activities are what gave the women their orgasms. The anal sex just came along for the ride.
So why did the inclusion of anal sex bump the orgasm figure up to 94 percent? It didn't. The causality runs the other way. Women who were getting what they wanted were more likely to indulge their partners' wishes. It wasn't the anal sex that caused the orgasms. It was the orgasms that caused the anal sex.
If anal sex is a trailing indicator of women's sexual satisfaction, then by all means, let's toast the new findings. Here's to you, Ladies. Bottoms up."
— The Curator
Sadly, it appears that the very tired and offensive double-standard that labels women’s sexuality as taboo and men’s as expected and normal is still firmly in place – at least in terms of advertising.
A new female product, Zestra Essential Oils, which is a blend of botanical oils and extracts including Angelica, claims that it will enhance sexual arousal and even improve achieving orgasm in women.
The manufacturer claims the product is not having any trouble getting it on with its women users, but in getting it on the air via advertisers.
Semprae Laboratories, Zestra’s manufacturer, believes their ad has been rejected by a host of TV and other venues, including Facebook, because of our culture’s discomfort with women’s sexuality.
While it is almost impossible to watch nighttime TV without a barrage of male ads promoting Viagra and Cialis to treat erecticle dysfunction, complete with a frank warning about a four-hour erection, an ad promoting what Zetra may do has barely been seen.
Another product targeting the women sexuality market, KY Intense, has had its very frank ads aired without a problem. That product, with uses a compound including niacin to cause a warm, tingling feeling on the clitoris, only depicts a female and male couple in its advertisements. In those ads, the women use the product to get excited to have sex, and better sex, with the man.
Instead, the Zestra ad features middle-aged women discussing their loss of libido, and how the product has helped them regain a feeling of sexual arousal.
So, what is the problem? Like its manufacturer, I believe that the problem is that Zestra may truly be the first product ever marketed that places female pleasure first. Men are not necessary in this brave new world of women’s pleasure – lesbians take notice!
In addition some, including outspoken masturbation (solo-sex) proponent Whoppi Goldberg of The View, has noted that Zestra may be a true boon for women to receive sexual pleasure without any partner at all. All you need is a vulva and some Zestra – woohoo!
Underscoring this conclusion, is an article in the New York Times (which appears in full below) that points out that in an online ad for Zestra a woman says, “It works so well, when I think about it, it even makes me want to go home and use it now.” There are no men depicted anywhere in that segment.
[The above photograph is from the Zestra website, and is an example of what I believe is at the true basis of the real controversy.]
Here is the Zestra website's claim: “Better Sex, Effortlessly. Recommended by doctors, Zestra® is a safe, natural, easy-to-apply blend of botanical oils and extracts that works by heightening a woman's sense of touch. So you feel more during sex. Experience the Zestra Rush™ within minutes the first time — and every time — you use it.”
How does it work? Here’s what the website goes on to says: "Many women say that feelings of desire, arousal and sexual satisfaction do not happen as naturally as they would like. Zestra was developed to provide a much needed option for all women to feel more sexually satisfied.
Zestra is a safe, patented blend of botanicals oils and extracts, created to help women feel more — effortlessly. Topically applied Zestra works within minutes by heightening your sensitivity to touch – for deep, pleasurable sensations, sexual satisfaction and fulfillment.
After applying Zestra to the clitoris and labia, the effects – the Zestra Rush™ – begin for most women within 3 to 5 minutes and last for up to 45 minutes.”
Shame on advertisers for keeping women (underscore consumers) from taking the responsibility for their sexuality in their own hands, in the same way that marketers have allowed men to do since advertising was invented!
The following is the aforementioned New York Times article in its entirety below, or read it directly on its website:
For Female-Aphrodisiac Makers, Effort at Parity
By Abby Ellin
A woman in her early 40s pops up on the TV screen. “Women are starting to talk about something they have been feeling for a long time,” she says, “wanting more sexual satisfaction.”
Another woman, this one in her mid-50s says, “After I had my children, sex didn’t make me feel the same way.”
And a third, “I wish it were easier for me to feel aroused.” The two-minute ad for Zestra Essential Arousal Oils, a blend of botanical oils and extracts that promise to enhance sexual arousal for women, was created by ShadowBox Entertainment Pictures.
In an age of soul-bearing memoirs (adultery, addiction, incest) and frank discourse on male sexual concerns (impotence, size), the commercial is pretty tame: middle-age women discussing how they feel less than amorous. And when compared with a commercial for, say, Fire and Ice from Trojan, which features a couple racing into a 24-hour pharmacy to buy the product, it’s downright PG.
Still, Zestra has had a difficult time getting its ad approved to run on the air, meeting resistance from TV networks, national cable stations, radio stations, and even Web sites like Facebook and WebMD.
Rachel Braun Scherl, the president of Semprae Laboratories, which manufactures Zestra, believes it is because of the culture’s discomfort with women’s sexuality.
“The Cialises of the world are a perfectly acceptable part of conversation in our culture today, but when it comes to talking about the realities of women’s lives, like menstruation, you always have some woman running in the field in a dress,” Ms. Braun Scherl said. “In our experience, we haven’t seen women behaving that way. There’s a double standard when it comes to society’s comfort level with female sexual health and enjoyment.”
From May to December 2009, Ms. Braun Scherl and Mary W. Jaensch, Semprae’s chief executive, shopped the ad around to about 100 TV stations. With the exception of Soapnet Women’s Entertainment and Discovery Health, many either refused or placed certain parameters on the ads.
BET, for example would only broadcast the ad from 11 p.m. to 4 a.m. and 8 to 9 a.m. Some of the other networks required additions — which the company made — to add disclaimers like: “Not for people under 18.” But the bulk of the stations and networks indicated that there were no changes that could be made to render the ad appropriate.
Zestra did not fare any better with radio. In the spring, Ms. Braun Scherl and Ms. Jaensch hired Leibler-Bronfman Lubalin advertising, a Manhattan agency, to create a series of radio ads. Many stations told them to remove the words sex and arousal, which proved somewhat challenging for a product having to do with sexual arousal.
In the end, only KBAY in San Jose, Calif., and KMJQ in Houston ran the commercials; KBAB and KSCS, both in Texas, agreed to broadcast them from midnight to 6 a.m., “which is useless,” said Albert Romano, LBL’s media director. “It’s called the graveyard shift for a reason. What’s the point of running the spots if no one’s going to hear them?”
Beth Bronfman, LBL’s chief executive, agreed that a double-standard existed when marketing some products to women. “Have you ever listened to a Cialis commercial word for word?” Ms. Bronfman said. “ ‘An erection lasting more than four hours.’ Why is that O.K.?”
Zestra came close to being featured on the Web site WebMD’s sex and relationship section, which regularly posts advertorials on Viagra and erectile dysfunction, but the company ultimately received an e-mail saying that Zestra “did not fall in line with WebMD’s Best Practice Guidelines.” When Ms. Braun Scherl and Ms. Jaensch asked for clarification on what those practices were, they did not receive a response. Neither Eric Lloyd, the Web site’s director for strategic consumer partnerships, nor Kate Hahn, a spokeswoman for WebMD, returned phone calls or e-mails seeking comment.
An ad on Facebook that read “Zestra Essential Arousal Oils — Try Zestra for Free” was pulled after several weeks. Ms. Braun Scherl and Ms. Jaensch received an e-mail stating that Facebook did not allow “advertisements that contain or promote adult content” including “sexual terms and/or images.” The women said they were unsuccessful in reaching Facebook officials to discuss the ad. Representatives from Facebook did not return calls or e-mails.
“Double standards abound when it comes to advertising anything having to do with our private parts,” said Robert J. Thompson, a professor of television and popular culture at Syracuse. “Commercials for erectile dysfunction products, which discuss not only sex but the hydraulic processes involved in having sex have played during major venues like the Super Bowl. They boldly tout male sexual pleasure as a commodity: an erection in a bottle.”
The difference with Zestra is that it “places female pleasure first, and even seems to suggest that this pleasure can be had with or without the presence of a man,” Mr. Thompson said. Indeed, in one online ad for Zestra, a woman says that, “It works so well, when I think about it, it even makes me want to go home and use it now.” There are no men anywhere in the picture.
Mr. Thompson acknowledges that some of the reluctance to broadcast the ads may have to do with the vague sense of what products like Zestra actually do. “If this product works as well as it claims, Victorian prissiness and the collective American embarrassment about sex will probably be trumped by the marketplace,” he said.
According to Ms. Braun Scherl and Ms. Jaensch, Zestra sales have increased month over month, and the business is growing. The product has also been featured on television shows like “Dr. Oz,” “Rachael Ray” and the “Tyra Banks.”
Still, “there is a huge unmet need, and we’re limited in our ability to get the message to men and women who would benefit from the product,” Ms. Braun Scherl said. “What I would say is, if there are standards for what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, they should be equally applied to products for male and female sexual enjoyment.”'
Hey, I plan to order a small amount to try it. Will get back to you after it's...come!
(Note: The manufacturer has just provided me with a website for readers to sign a petition who feel "outraged" by this double-standard, and has requested that I provide it here. I think this is worth considering, but NOT as a marketing ploy, but to make sure that women's sexuality is taken seriously.)
— The Curator
Science tells us that we all come from hermaphrodites, organisms with both male and female reproductive organs, totally bi-sexual at conception.
This means that we are not only a male/female sexual whole, but that each of us also carries our opposite gender's basic sexuality within our own bodies – our very DNA.
Knowing anatomy opens each of us to the sexual desires and pleasures of our opposite-sex partner, forever changing the way we view our lover's body...and our own. It also provides real understanding for everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender.
Science offers the ultimate equality of the sexes, because orgasm and sexual function are NOT dependent on gender, but on knowing how to make our bodies perform to their maximum potential.
I have been deeply troubled by a recent spate of blogs that fail to reflect the current medical understanding of sexual health, including orgasm and the scientific proof that the G-spot in women and men exist.
“There is hard science behind all of this,” recently proclaimed America’s doctor, Mehmet Oz, best-selling author and the popular host of a mainstream medical daytime-TV series.
The basic lack of sexual health knowledge has caused the sex-help genre to burst onto the scene, overflowing bookshelves like a damaged condom. There have been more of these published on how to jump-start the jumping, than there are vibrator batteries in the landfill. If those books worked, then why are so many titles added each month?
I believe they do not work because they do not teach how to give and receive real pleasure based on this scientific understanding of gender and sexuality. In other words: We just do not know how our sexual anatomy really works.
Our common scientific misconception is that we are 'mono-gender' – either solely male or solely female. This translates into viewing men and women and their bodies as different as night and day. In the bedroom, this leads to a host of problems:
"I don't know how to please my partner."
"I'm not sure what turns him on."
"I haven't a clue what she wants."
The scientific truth is that the reproductive systems of both males and females are of the same biological origin. The term for corresponding body parts is 'homologous,' meaning that they are alike in structure and in origin, though not necessarily in function. As a result, similar body part structure elicit the same basic sexual responses in both men and women.
The realization of the sexual sameness between the genders provides a better understanding of how to relate to each other, to members of our own gender, and even provides a deeper understanding of our own nature.
Male and female physiology – including sexual and reproductive organs – stem from the same basic organ tissue.
The first clue to sexual sameness lies in DNA. Gender is determined by two chromosomes – X (female) and Y (male). Both genders have the same base X chromosome. Added to that, men have a Y, while women have a second X. Thus men are XY and women are XX.
The base X (present in both genders), together with all the non-sex chromosomes, is capable of evolving as either male or female; the Y chromosome simply acts as a modulator that stimulates it to evolve as male. If the modulator is absent (i.e. in an XX female), the X evolves to a female.
Gender sexual sameness holds true not only for external sex organs, but also to a great extent for the internal reproductive system.
Science tells us that from the moment of conception to about seven weeks of age, male and female reproductive anatomies are the same. The primary sex glands – gonads – are undifferentiated; they will develop into either male testes, or female ovaries. The reproductive support systems match too.
Over the next several months, one gender evolves while the other regresses, but leaves a vestige, or remnant part, in the opposite gender. In other words, if you're male, the female system regresses, but leaves remnants in your body. Females likewise have male reproductive vestiges in their bodies. We carry these vestiges for the remainder of our lives.
Men and women exhibit the same sexual anatomy, in modified form. For purposes of this discussion, we are going to focus on a man’s penis and prostate gland, and a woman’s clitoris and so-called prostate gland, or G-spot.
Like their common internal reproductive system, men and women begin fetal life with the same external genitalia. The main feature is the 'genital tubercle,' a protrusion that for men grows into the penile glans (head), and for women recedes as the clitoral glans.
The remaining parts are also homologous. The urogenital opening becomes the female labial opening, while in men it fuses to become the phallic raphe, or the seam running down the center of the underside. The genital swelling forms the female labia majora, or outer lips, which is homologous to the male scrotal sac. It remains split in women, forming the vulval opening, while fusing in men to form the scrotal raphe. The urogenital folds develop into the visible male foreskin, and female labia minora and clitoral hood.
Incredibly is the internal development of the urogenital folds. Beneath the skin, they grow into the male phallic shaft and the hidden portion of the female clitoris. These contain homologous erectile tissue, which swells when stimulated, becoming engorged. Yes, that means a woman can and does, like men, become 'erect' when her clitoris is stimulated.
In fact, the length of the clitoral corpus cavernosum can be 3 or more inches, much nearer to penis size than the clitoral head makes it appear.
Thus the science of the penis and clitoris, along with their common anatomical origin, leads to a startling conclusion: The penis is not male, nor is the clitoris female – they are the same sexual organ that develops slightly differently in each gender. Both men and women go through life with this same major sex organ.
In fact, the single greatest difference between the penis and the clitoris is that the penis is mainly external, while the clit is mostly internal. Even that distinction is minor, considering that both the penis and clitoris are partly exposed and partly hidden, giving rise to both inner and outer erogenous zones for each gender.
Any simple reference confirms the correspondence of these two sexual organs. The Random House Unabridged Dictionary defines clitoris as: "The erectile organ of the vulva, homologous to the penis of the male."
Because the clitoris is a homolog of the penis, every woman has a complete set of sexual organs within her. Her 'penis' (clitoris) descends internally, enveloping her vagina. This is a natural, permanent condition, whether she is engaged in sex or not.
For two millennia the clitoris was a "little hill" – the meaning of kleitoris, its root word in Greek.
But it was Australian urologist Dr Helen O'Connell who revealed the clitoris’ true shape and size, forcing the re-writing of anatomy books and a re-imagining by medical professionals.
"The vaginal wall is, in fact, the clitoris," said Dr. O'Connell, who is based in Melbourne. "If you lift the skin off the vagina on the side walls, you get the bulbs of the clitoris – triangular, crescental masses of erectile tissue."
“The sex industry has known about this for some time,” notes Fiona Patten, of the Eros Association, Australia's adult retail and entertainment organization. "You only have to look at the adult products on the market to see that they are not designed to find some tiny button at the top of the vagina. They're designed to stimulate a much larger area."
The full clitoris is actually shaped like a wishbone with its ‘legs’ (right crus + left crus = crura) extending down on either side of the vagina and containing spongy tissue (corpus cavernosum) that engorges with blood upon arousal, just like a penile erection.
[See the above illustrations]
(Important FYI: It now appears, that women who can consistently orgasm with vaginal penetration alone have a vaginal opening that’s closer to the clitoris than women who cannot. Meaning, when a cock or a dildo is used to penetrate these type of women, their clitoris is stimulated at the same time. Most women are NOT built this way, and cannot orgasm with vaginal penetration alone. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THESE WOMEN, they should simply add clitoral play into their sex lives.)
There is one final correspondence revealed by the urethral sponge, which includes the erogenous zones known as the G-spot in women, and the P-spot in men.
In women, the Skene’s glands are embedded within the urethral sponge, combining to comprise the female version of this sexual zone. The male G-Spot has a near identical setup. A mass of urethral sponge at the man’s perineum sits just below his prostate. Because the male and female features are homologous, it's not surprising that they share a similar proximity to each other as well, which contributes to their very similar function.
In both men and women, the immediate proximity of the urethral sponge to the ejaculatory gland plays a role in its sexual response. Pleasuring the erectile sponge stimulates nerve endings in the region, which contracts the pelvic muscles and the gland itself to induce orgasm. This may or may not be accompanied by ejaculation in both genders.
In the case of ejaculation, the urethra within the spongy erectile tissue plays a common role too. The man ejaculates prostatic fluid (mixed with sperm and other fluids) through his urethra. Her Skene's glands ejaculate their similar fluid (without sperm, of course) through her urethra. (Most of her Skene's ducts open into her urethra; typically, she has two additional openings between her labia lips, shown in transparent outline above.)
Both the G- and P- spots are located inside the body, accessible to massage in both men and women, through the urethral sponge. His erectile tissue is just under the skin at the perineum, while hers is massaged through her upper vaginal wall.
[See the above illustrations]
While many think it derived its name because stroking it can lead to Gee-Wiz or Golly-Gee Orgasms for some women, the truth is that the female G-spot was named after the doctor who first theorized of its existence.
Dr. Ernst Grafenberg first theorized in the 1950’s that the spot, actually an area, existed and it was his surname that the "Grafenberg Spot" or G-spot was named after. In medical terms, it is a spongy tissue of the paraurethral gland, making it pretty much the equivalent of the male prostate.
You can explore your G-spot, or urethral sponge, with a firm, curved dildo or your fingers. Insert your fingers or dildo, aiming for the front wall of the vagina. Stroke this area with a "come hither" motion. If you use your fingers, you'll feel the difference in texture between this area, which is rough, and the rest of the vaginal walls, which are smooth. Some women like to stimulate the opening of the vagina just below the urethra. You can also press down on your pelvis with your free hand, applying pressure just above the pubic bone. Stimulate your G-spot until you feel intensely turned on and like you're about to pee. As you approach orgasm, push out, as if urinating. The stream you produce is ejaculate and NOT urine.
A rectal massage is a very sensual way to please your male lover. Massaging the area by prostate gland releases tremendous amounts of emotional and physical stress and, coupled with stimulation of his penis, can be extremely pleasurable. Though it may sound intimidating if this is your first foray into this kind of sex play, it’s actually rather simple to do.
There is also a feature of our secondary sex anatomy, the breasts, that underscores our sexual sameness. Perhaps more than the sex anatomy itself, the breasts show that every human being has the potential to be both male and female. For while the genitalia are modified homologs, men and women are born with identical breasts. Men, like women, not only have nipples, but also mammary glands behind them.
For the purposes of the remainder of this discussion, we are going to focus solely on the penis, clitoris, G- and P- spots.
Male-female sexual sameness is not some arcane biological trivia that is irrelevant to life. Unlike most 'obscure' science, your shared sexuality has great application: It enhances your sex life. Your sexual sameness helps you know, understand, and feel your partner's sexual response. You can better pleasure your lover simply by knowing your own sexual pleasure.
You only need know two correspondences to aid your sex life. They pertain to the two main erogenous zones in men and women. Each sensual zone has a homologous pair:
Erogenous Zone 1: Penis and Clitoris
Erogenous Zone 2: Female G-Spot and Male P-Spot
A close look reveals a near identical sexual response induced by stimulating the homologs of each zone.
Erogenous Zone 1: The penis and clitoris are highly excitable organs that stimulate quickly, become engorged when aroused, and rapidly lead to frantic release (orgasm.)
Erogenous Zone 2: Both the G- and P-spots are slow to arouse, giving deeper, longer-lasting pleasure.
Note that the sexual response of organs in each zone is essentially the same, but that the response of organs in Zone 1 is opposite the organs in Zone 2. This will better help understand your partner, regardless of gender.
Knowing that her clitoris responds like his penis allows each person inside their lover's body to know his/her desires, needs, and pleasure. Men better understand why women enjoy clitoral stimulation, and women better sense the pleasure he feels when his penis is stroked.
This similarity applies even to the pleasure felt from specific types of stimulation. For example, women can understand the exquisite pleasure men feel when the head of the penis is stroked or licked from the underside up – it's the same thing she feels when her clitoris is stroked upward. Likewise, licking in a circle around her clit feels much the same as doing so around the head of his penis. Even the added pleasure of warm, wet oral pleasuring, compared to manual stimulation, is similar for both sexes. To know why your lover prefers your tongue to your hand, just remember the greater pleasure either stimulation brings to you.
G- and P-spot similarity in men and women provides similar insight. You sense how G- or P-spot massage feels for your lover because you know how the corresponding massage feels.
Not only do you sense your partner's desire and pleasure by understanding your sexual sameness, but also you can also better understand, and resolve, sexual differences that might arise. A frequent issue between heterosexual couples surrounds that he's often done when she's just getting started.
Hurt feelings result, and 'experts' give all sorts of reasons for it, ranging from hormone differences to evolutionary causes. But sexual anatomy gives the simple – and obvious – explanation. It also gives the easy answer:
He finishes first during intercourse because his fast organ (penis) is paired up with her slow one! (clitoris). Or expressed differently, he's using his Zone 1 organ, while she's using her Zone 2 organ. Intercourse stimulates his penis, but does little for her matching organ, the clitoris. For her, the motion of his penis massages her G-spot through the upper wall of her vagina, slowly arousing her in Zone 2 fashion. But he is oblivious to this 'slow cooking' because common intercourse doesn't stimulate his own P-spot.
The solution is equally clear: spend more time stimulating corresponding sex organs so that both partners rise to climax together. Give her some Zone 1 attention, and tend to his Zone 2. Clitoral stimulation will speed her up, and P-spot massage will slow him down. This not only lets you climax together, but also lets you share a similar sexual experience along the way.
While the experience is more frustrating for women because they don't climax, the issue is most challenging for men, who can't seem to understand why women are so slow to arouse. To get it, he has only to ask himself this: how much sex satisfaction would I get if my penis were untouched? That is exactly what women experience when their clitoris is left out. Her clitoris is the same sex organ as his penis. This is why so many women request – even demand – clitoral foreplay before intercourse. And why, if they don't get it, they may not be completely satisfied by the main event. If he thinks in terms of sexual sameness, he'll be more likely to give what he understands and wants to receive.
Other examples include the male 'once and done' vs. female multiple orgasm. Here, the highly excitable penis explodes in climax and feels done, while the slow rolling G-spot goes on and on and on. This difference greatly diminishes when you stimulate organs of the same erogenous zone. Women are more likely to feel 'done' after a clitoral orgasm, like a man. Conversely, many men can enjoy multiple rolling orgasms via P-spot massage.
This is even indicated by parallel sensations at orgasm. Both the penis and clitoris often become too sensitive to be touched when brought to climax manually, contributing to the 'done' feeling. In contrast, G- and P-spot pleasure tends to increase with each successive climax.
Another example is genital orgasm vs. so-called “full-body” orgasm, often typically a male vs. female phenomenon. All sensation focuses on the highly excitable penis for him, leading to orgasmic pleasure concentrated in that region. In contrast, her G-spot stimulation sends deep waves of pleasure throughout her body, which, when they build to climax, she experiences as full-body orgasm. This distinction entirely disappears by stimulating organs of the same zone. She, like him, will have a more localized 'Zone 1' orgasm if her clit alone is stimulated. And he, like her, can enjoy full-body orgasm through ‘Zone 2’ P-spot massage.
One last example is the male physical orgasm vs. the female emotional/spiritual one. Once again, his highly sensitive penis feels mainly physical sensation, while her G-spot can stir up deep emotional and spiritual experiences. Again too, the difference vanishes by stimulating same-zone organs. Her clitoral climax is more physical, like a man's. His P-spot orgasm is more spiritual, and can be deeply emotive.
Some last notes:
Stimulating the G-spot is recommended once women is already fully excited (i.e. her clitoris is erect, vulva fully engorged with blood, and her vagina is naturally or supplementally lubricated). Continue the G-spot until she begins to feel pleasure.
As mentioned, by stimulating the G-spot, pressure is being applied to the walls of the bladder, so it is normal that some women feel a need to urinate. The sensation generally ends as stimulation is continued. You can always urinate before performing this sexual technique, but the sensation my occur regardless.
Although the standard Missionary position is one of the most popular ways to make love, it is one of the worst positions to hit the G-spot during intercourse. But don't worry, there are many other sexual positions that can help to easily stimulate the G-spot! (And no, you don't have to perform any complex Kamautra positions.)
One of the best G-spot positions is the "doggy style," because it allows the man's penis more direct access to the front wall of the vagina, where the G-spot can be easily stimulated during thrusting.
Other sexual positions good for G-spot stimulation are those in which the woman is on top, or the woman or is penetrated from behind. (Note: Great success can be achieved with a man using his penis, or a woman with a dildo or strap-on pleasuring another woman.)
— The Curator
In an important action, 34 Islamic scholars in Mauritania, West Africa, have signed a “fatwa,” or religious opinion, banning the practice of female genital mutilation.
Cheikh Ould Zein, head of the Forum of Islamic Thought, said the scholars believe the Qur'an does not endorse cutting young girls' genitals to limit their sexual activity as women. He said yesterday that the leaders also agreed to preach against the practice at their mosques.
The process, also called female circumcision, is common in parts of Africa and involves the surgical removal of the clitoris or other female genital parts. The procedure is often performed by women with little or no medical training. It can eliminate pleasure for women during sex and cause lasting pain and complications in childbirth.
The fatwa, signed in the Mauritanian capital Nouakchott, states that the procedure has been proven to be harmful either at the time or subsequently to those girls and young women who have undergone the practice.
Many Mauritanian women have welcomed the move, one in Nouakchott saying it has truly smashed an ancient taboo. However, it seems vital that a significant publicity campaign will now be needed if the fatwa's message is to be spread into outlying areas where genital mutilation is most common. It is very encouraging that religious leaders have promised to present the new fatwa in their mosques.
Female genital mutilation has been recognized globally as a violation of the human rights of girls and women. But that message has been slow to filter down in parts of north, east and west Africa where the practice is still widespread.
Health campaigners estimate that more than 70 percent of Mauritanian girls undergo the partial or total removal of their external genitalia for non-medical reasons.
The World Health Organization says there are no health benefits and many potentially damaging consequences, from severe pain and blood loss to recurrent infections, infertility and an increased risk of complications in childbirth – not to mention the inability of many of these females to ever again feel any clitoral pleasure or to reach an orgasm as a result of the procedure.
Shockingly, I found only one news article reporting this new fatwa that mentioned, or even eluded to, the loss of a woman’s innate ability to experience sexual pleasure FOR LIFE as a result of undergoing genital mutilation.
Mutilations are carried out for a mix of cultural and social reasons, and many believe the practice has Islamic religious support, even if this isn't always the case.
A law professor at Nouakchott University said the collective fatwa would greatly reduce female genital mutilation in Mauritania because it would remove what he called “the religious mask” that the practice hides behind.
In November 2006, an Egyptian conference of Muslim scholars from around the world declared female circumcision to be contrary to Islam and an attack on women, and called for those who practice it to be punished.
That conference, organized by the German human rights group TARGET, recommended that governments pass laws to prohibit the tradition and that judicial bodies prosecute those who mutilate female genitals.
"The conference appeals to all Muslims to stop practicing this habit, according to Islam's teachings which prohibit inflicting harm on any human being," the participants said in their final statement.
Egypt's two top Islamic clerics, Mohammed Sayed Tantawi, the Grand Sheik of Al-Azhar, the foremost theological institute in the Sunni Muslim world, and Grand Mufti Ali Gomaa, attended the conference, which drew scholars from as far afield as Russia.
Tantawi's and Gomaa's edicts are considered binding.
Nonetheless, female circumcision continues to be practiced in many parts of sub-Saharan Africa as well as Egypt, Yemen and Oman, despite numerous campaigns against it.
Frequently, those men who support the tradition believe it lowers a girl's sexual desire and therefore helps maintain her honor. They also believe it is required by Islam.
The scholars said circumcision inflicts physical and mental harm on women. Furthermore, they said, Islam considers it to be an aggression against women. Concluding that those who perform it should be punished.
"The conference reminds all teaching and media institutions of their role to explain to the people the harmful effects of this habit in order to eliminate it," the scholars said in their 2006 recommendations.
"The conference calls on judicial institutions to issue laws that prohibit and criminalize this habit...which appeared in several societies and was adopted by some Muslims although it is not sanctioned by the Quran or the Sunna," the scholars said, referring to Islam's holy book and the sayings and deeds of Prophet Muhammad.
Although many countries have outlawed female circumcision, the law is poorly enforced and prosecutions are rare.
As far back as the 1950s, the Egyptian government tried to stop midwives from performing the custom, while allowing doctors to do so – fearing that otherwise families who insisted on circumcising their daughters would have the operation carried out in unsafe conditions. But in 1996, the health minister imposed a total ban on the practice.
The Female Genital Cutting Education and Networking Project is a non-profit group organized to promote the dissemination of material related to female genital mutilation. The Project seeks to form an online clearinghouse and a community for researchers, activists, attorneys, and health care practitioners to obtain information and network with others involved in similar projects.
The following information comes from the FGCENP website:
“As you are reading this article, there are between eight and ten million women and girls in the Middle East and in Africa who are at risk of undergoing one form or another of genital cutting. In the United States it is estimated that about ten thousand girls are at risk of this practice. FGC in a variety of its forms is practiced in Middle Eastern countries (the two Yemens, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, Jordan, Syria, and Southern Algeria). In Africa it is practiced in the majority of the continent including Kenya, Nigeria, Mali, Upper Volta, Ivory Coast, Egypt, Mozambique, and Sudan.”
“Even though FGC is practiced in mostly Islamic countries, it is not an Islamic practice. FGC is a cross-cultural and cross-religious ritual. In Africa and the Middle East it is performed by Muslims, Coptic Christians, members of various indigenous groups, Protestants, and Catholics, to name a few.”
The FGCENP states there primarily three methods of female genital mutilation/circumcision that has been reported in the U.S., and around the world.
“The first and mildest type of FGC is called 'sunna circumcision' or Type I. The term 'Sunna' refers to tradition as taught by the prophet Muhammad. This involves the 'removal of the prepuce with or without the excision of part or all of the clitoris.' Type I is practiced in a broad area all across Africa parallel to the equator. Fran Hosken enumerates the following countries: Egypt, Ethiopia, Somalia, Kenya, and Tanzania in East Africa to the West African coast, from Sierra Leone to Mauritania, and in all countries in-between including Nigeria, the most populous one. There are also reports of Type I taking place in areas of the Middle East such as in Oman, Yemen, Saudi Arabia and United Arab Emirates.”
“The second type of FGC, Type II, involves the partial or entire removal of the clitoris, as well as the scraping off of the labia majora and labia minora . This takes place in countries where infibulation has been outlawed such as Sudan. Clitoridectomy was invented by Sudanese midwives as a compromise when British legislation forbade the most extreme operations in 1946.”
“The third and most drastic type of FGC is Type III. This most extreme form, consists of the removal of the clitoris, the adjacent labia (majora and minora), and the joining of the scraped sides of the vulva across the vagina, where they are secured with thorns or sewn with catgut or thread. A small opening is kept to allow passage of urine and menstrual blood. An infibulated woman must be cut open to allow intercourse on the wedding night and is closed again afterwards to secure fidelity to the husband. Hosken also reports that infibulation is 'practiced on all females, almost without exception, in all of Somalia and wherever ethnic Somalis live (Ethiopia, Kenya and Djibouti).' It is also performed throughout the Nile Valley, including Southern Egypt, and all along the Red Seas Coast.”
“FGC is mostly done in unsanitary conditions in which a midwife uses unclean sharp instruments such as razor blades, scissors, kitchen knives, and pieces of glass. These instruments are frequently used on several girls in succession and are rarely cleaned, causing the transmission of a variety of viruses such as the HIV virus, and other infections. Antiseptic techniques and anesthesia are generally not used, or for that matter, heard of. This is akin to a doctor who uses the same surgical instrument on a number of women at the same time without cleaning any of them.”
“In many cultures, FGC serves as an initiation rite, and any efforts to eradicate it must take this into consideration. Some of the most successful eradication efforts have taken place in areas where FGC was replaced with 'initiation without cutting' programs whereas a girl still goes through some initiation rites but this time, without any blood.”
“Alternative rituals are currently being implemented in countries like Ghana and Kenya, that do not include any bloodletting. A girl will still undergoes the celebrations and the rituals that usually accompany the circumcision ritual , however, the procedure itself is either replaced with a small pricking elsewhere on the body to let out a small drop of water, or bloodletting is completely done away with.”
“Other successful programs have also experimented with giving midwives monthly salaries for putting down their knives and becoming health care workers. They are now trained in various aspects of female health, and go from village to village educating women about the harmful effects of female circumcision, and the importance of proper nutrition during pregnancy, how to protect from sexually transmitted diseases and HIV, and proper usages of condoms, among other health topics.”
“It is also important to note that even though FGC is currently illegal in many countries in Africa and the Middle East, this has not reduced the number of the girls that are mutilated every year. The governments of these countries have no way of monitoring the spread and practice of FGC. The United Nations, UNICEF, and the World Health Organization has considered FGC to be a violation of Human Rights and have made recommendations to eradicate this practice. However, trying to fight FGC on legal terms is ineffective since those who practice it oftentimes do not report it. FGC is also widely practiced in villages and remote places where the government does not have an easy access.”
“In the United States level, there are many efforts that are being made in order to abolish the practice locally and internationally. The National Organization of Circumcision Information Resource Centers (NOCIRC), a networking organization have brought together social scientists and medical practitioners from all over the world who are fighting FGC as well as male circumcision. NOCIRC has also founded the FGC Awareness and Education Project in August 1996. One of the goals of the project is to create an FGC Module which will provide information and training material to health care professionals.”
— The Curator
A sensual caress, a driving sloppy kiss combined with a strategically placed tweak, or an experienced fondle, and you’re off to the races in the relentless quest for the BIG-O.
If that scenario describes your foreplay routine, you’re not alone. Most couples report very little pre-entry behavior. Perhaps it’s no coincidence then, that a very large number of American couples also classify their overall sexual practices as mundane – average. It turns out, a ton of couples would rather watch a movie, have a snack, or even read a book rather than have sex! A whopping 50 percent of women (half) have told whoppers, admitting that they have faked an orgasm at least once in their lives. Even sadder, a staggering 30 percent of US women report being unable to climax consistently, or that they have NEVER experienced an orgasm with a partner.
As a result, the sex-help genre has burst onto the scene, overflowing bookshelves like a damaged condom. There have been more of these published on how to jump-start the jumping, than there are vibrator batteries in the landfill. If those books worked, then why are so many titles added each month?
I believe they do not work, because they do not address the real problem: sensuality leading to sexuality. Most of these books describe mechanics, which is fine for robots, but not so good if you’re trying to help flesh and blood men AND women freely and joyously give and receive pleasure to each other and ultimately climax. In my view, most of these books are SO much less-than-erotic, that they have actually become sex-(text)books, which equals BIG-YAWN, not BIG-O.
If you pick up one of these dusty tomes (instead of a date), thumb through and see if it arouses you. Arousal. You do remember arousal? It starts somewhere south of your ears and spreads north, warmly – very warmly – then gets even warmer until it consumes you with desire, an incendiary heart-pounding, screaming need that only fucking RIGHT-NOW-IMMEDIATELY-THIS-VERY-SECOND will fill.
I truly believe that we have forgotten how to turn each other on. Arousal is vital, because without it, there will can be no BIG-O; the best you can hope for is a little-o; but more than likely there will be a no-o.
It was easy when we were younger, or in a brand new relationship. Hell, when we were younger, the problem was not being turned on, it was being able to turn off. Sadly, most adults have not updated their sexual techniques since then, and too many men have learned about sex only through watching or reading porn. Guess what, women in the real world aren’t porn stars, with perfect silicon Snowball (remember those cake, marshmallow and coconut treats from childhood?) boobs that look like they were stuck on their chests using Mighty MendIt (Surely, men aren’t fooled and turned on by these, are they?). Their cunts are perfectly shaved or trimmed, and they don’t come and scream by the old in-and-out after five minutes of uninspired, sweaty pounding.
By the same token, men in the real world aren’t porn stars, either. I’ve yet to encounter a man capable of holding back after a 10 minute blow-job by woman who has the throat of an eel, or who is hung like the Incredible Hulk on steroids!
If we really, really want good, even mind-blowing sex, we have to throw out these tired stereotypes. He have to relearn, or learn for the first time for that matter, what it truly takes to arouse and to be aroused; from seduction to the bedroom and beyond. I believe that opening yourself up to great sex, truly opens up your life to all of its amazing possibilities.
For the next section (sextion), I want to specifically address women’s arousal. Now, for you guys out there, don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, because the truth is, you need to know this information, too. The simple truth is: the best sex can only happen when BOTH partners are as turned on as possible. Let me repeat that: The wetter, the better!
So, my dears, just what makes you wet?
If this question makes you uncomfortable, well, I think I know why. Women of my generation were raised with THE RULES regarding sex. You know the ones: Good Girls never, ever touch themselves “down there,” in the “nether regions,” no exceptions. Good Girls (the marrying kind) who want to be respected by boys (who are all sexed-crazed) do not give in – ever! Once those aforementioned Good Girls are married, they become Ladies, and Ladies must never, ever feel lust, appear to enjoy sex, but must instead endure “it” for the sake of her brutish husbands.
We were told (quite smugly, actually) by our Good-Long-Suffering-Sexually-Repressed-Mother-Role-Models that Men are so very different (worse) than we Women (good) because Men need “it” and we don’t. Nonetheless, Wives should be careful to fulfill their Husbands’ unsavory appetites, while Wives must pretend that they have none of their own. And, for God’s sake, Wives must try to force their Husbands to strictly adhere to the approved of Missionary Position. If possible, Wives should withhold their “favors” so that intercourse occurs as infrequently as possible.
Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit! Women deserve pleasure just as much as men. Pleasure is a fundamental right of all created beings, I know this because that’s how the universe hardwired all us. Did you know that the ONLY reason, medically speaking, for the clitoris to exist is to give pleasure to its owner? Did you know that the largest number of nerve endings are centered there than anywhere in a man or woman’s body? That’s right, women have the capacity to have more intense orgasms than men do! Did you know that having sex, makes you want to have more sex? Did you know that the G-Spot is real, and can enhance the sexual experience of some women? Did you know that a whole lot of women can ejaculate just like a man, provided they’re turned on enough and relaxed? Did you know that some women who do not orgasm with only penetration, will experience crashing good orgasms if they include clitoral stimulation? And, did you know that women can have multiple orgasms, but most men can’t!
(Important FYI: It now appears, that women who can consistently orgasm with vaginal penetration alone have a vaginal opening that’s closer to the clitoris than women who cannot. Meaning, when a cock or a dildo is used to penetrate these type of women, their clitoris is stimulated at the same time. Most women are NOT built this way, and cannot orgasm with vaginal penetration alone. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THESE WOMEN, they should simply add clitoral play into their sex lives.)
So, what does all of this scientific information mean? That women are designed for ultimate pleasure. Hallelujah my sisters, do I hear a chorus of angels singing yet!?
If this is all true (and it is), then why do women have so many problems getting off? I think it’s because of shame, everyday stress, and an cultural indoctrination that women must always please their partners, but not insist that their partners please them.
If stress, repressive and judgmental sexual mores weren’t enough, there are numerous issues that further complicate the sexual health and well being of women.
The most obvious, and the one that receives the majority of public attention, is body image issues that impact sexual health. It is primarily women who are affected, but research shows a growing number of men also struggle with achieving the unachievably “perfect body.” Celebrity idolization, again the porn industry, and parenthetically the fashion industry, have all contributed to this sad result.
Obviously, it’s really difficult to climax if you’re worried that your butt’s too big when you’re in the middle of having sex.
The absence of a secure sexual identity also can mess with sexual health. Women or men who go through life suppressing their true sexuality, whether homosexual or bisexual, are guaranteed to perform poorly in bed, and any pleasure will feel hollow at best. Repressing sexual identity is a crime against nature, not the other way round.
There is also an ever-increasing, alarming number of women who report having suffered some sort of sexual abuse or trauma in their lives. Generally, women who have been sexually victimized have a long road of healing ahead before they will be able to achieve happy, healthy, orgasmic liftoffs, with or without a partner. I’m not talking out of my ass on this one, folks: I was sexually molested by the janitor at my elementary school for several years when I was a child. It was a very long time before I could allow myself to be vulnerable enough to enjoy sexual pleasure.
So, what to do, what to do?
I’m glad you asked, because here cums the fun part!
(Before I proceed a word to the wise: Don’t be stupid! If you plan to be sexually active use protection. If you don’t, you’re apt to have much bigger problems than poor orgasms!)
If you’re a woman who has never experienced an orgasm before, I have several suggestions. If you’ve never masturbated, or only did so when you were young, do so – but do so alone for now.
(A friend who writes an incredible blog, has written a great column devoted to masturbation for women and men at BISH.)
Before you go touching anywhere, buy a good quality lubricant. Don’t be cheap in this area. The slicker everything is, the better it will feel, and you won’t rub yourself raw. I enjoy penetration, so I always use a lube that is water based, not oil based. If you don’t care, oil based lubes do tend to last longer between applications, but are hell on silicon sex toys, degrading them fairly quickly.
When I first became truly sexual, masturbation helped me to understand my body and what I enjoyed, as well as what brought about a consistent orgasm. If you’re not comfortable, or it’s been so long since you’ve beaten around the bush, or you aren’t sure how best to proceed, The Welcomed Consensus has produced a series of DVDs depicting real women masturbating. These DVDs are beautifully filmed, higly instructive and oh-so VERY, VERY erotic!
Each real (not porn) woman spreads her legs as wide as the Mississippi (can you say closeup?) lubes generously, then goes at it. In several, a man uses only his hand (not mouth or cock) to masturbate her. All of the women look like they’ve gone to heaven. Each DVD has instructive narration, which after you’ve listened once, can be muted so you can just enjoy the visuals! After all, isn't pleasure, glorious pleasure with a sensitive, talented partner what we all want? (FYI: I have to have sex as soon as I watch one of these, if not while it’s playing!)
The focus here is on intense, genuine pleasure rather than achieving a goal-oriented orgasm. That approach, I have found, can be life-altering. If a woman feels like a failure for being unable to orgasm, that will likely lead to worsening self doubt, even loathing, which all heaps on more stress, leading to a self-fulfilling prophecy that is anything but fulfilling. The great thing about omitting orgasm as the stated goal, women allow pleasure to come to them, and learn to savor each and every sensation they experience, without a stressful anticipation of what may or may not cum next. In fact, women learn to stay on the very edge of orgasm for as long as possible. There is even some discussion whether this incredibly intense, prolonged state of pleasure isn’t a different form of orgasm. Are these women faking? Well, the camera is so close you can actually see the mouths of their vaginas contract open and closed (Did I say, hot, hot HOTTT!) I can do a lot with my vagina, but even I can’t fake that without genuine arousal!
