Color ME Pink!

Sometimes, news accounts about sexual orientation/gender issues infuriate me, and this one has done exactly that: A J.Crew advertisement depicts a mom painting her 5-year-old laughing son's toenails neon pink.

That's it. So what's the big deal, you ask? The 'what' is that a whole lot of homophobic folks — and a lot of so-called 'professionals' who should know a damn sight better — think this will "turn" the laughing boy in the photo into a laughing girl.

As expected, the Gender Police emerged from their dark caves in flocks and a national debate has ensued about the “correct” way to raise children, as well as the importance of so-called 'honoring' one’s biologically assigned gender — i.e., an opportunity to commit transgender bashing on an epic scale.

When will this type of nonsense EVER stop? Sexual orientation is biological, if it weren't then there would never be any gay men who play sports. Get it? Dress boys in boys clothes means that they will have to grow into heterosexual men, and dress little girls in frilly dresses and they will have to grow into heterosexual women, right? Wrong. As a card-carrying member of the LGBT Community, I can personally tell you that is absolute, insulting garbage. It is beyond RIDICULOUS!

Jeans don't make the gender, genes do!

Here's the ad info:

The J.Crew ad shows a top designer painting her young son’s toenails neon pink. The image appeared in a feature called "Saturday With Jenna," which was emailed to customers last week, and highlights a few of J.Crew president and creative director Jenna Lyons’ favorite products — including the hot pink Essie nail polish seen on her son, Beckett.

The caption below the picture reads, “Lucky for me I ended up with a boy whose favorite color is pink. Toenail painting is way more fun in neon.”

A psychiatrist talking head for Fox News, the ultra-conservative Dr. Keith Ablow, jumped on the ad to make headlines for himself and the atrocious network news program.

"Yeah, well, it may be fun and games now, Jenna, but at least put some money aside for psychotherapy for the kid—and maybe a little for others who’ll be affected by your “innocent” pleasure. This is a dramatic example of the way that our culture is being encouraged to abandon all trappings of gender identity,” proclaimed the judgmental Ablow, who wrote a FoxNews 'health column' about the ad.

Not satisfied, Ablow continues to denigrate the ad, as well as Ms. Lyon personally: "If you have no problem with the J. Crew ad, how about one in which a little boy models a sundress? What could possibly be the problem with that? Well, how about the fact that encouraging the choosing of gender identity, rather than suggesting our children become comfortable with the ones that they got at birth, can throw our species into real psychological turmoil—not to mention crowding operating rooms with procedures to grotesquely amputate body parts?...I wonder what Jenna would think if her son wanted to celebrate his masculinity with a little playacting as a cowboy, with a gun? Would that bring the same smile of joy and pure love that we see on her face in the J. Crew advertisement? Or would that be where she might draw the line?"

The arch conservative Media Research Center’s Erin Brown piled it on, calling the ad, “blatant propaganda celebrating transgendered children.”

“Not only is Beckett likely to change his favorite color as early as tomorrow, Jenna's indulgence (or encouragement) could make life hard for the boy in the future,” Brown wrote in an opinion piece. "J.CREW, known for its tasteful and modest clothing, apparently does not mind exploiting Beckett behind the facade of liberal, transgendered identity politics.”

A voice of sanity, Alice Dreger, professor of clinical medical humanities and bioethics at Northwestern University, said it is "ridiculous" to suggest that painting a little boy's toes pink or any other color might somehow influence his sexuality or sexual identity.

"Lots of boys love toenail polish; tons of boys do," Dreger said. "All kids like things that are sparkly and bright. And as far as I can tell, it doesn't lead to anything like the end of civilization."

I'll give it to them though, the conservatives got one thing right: THEIR type of thinking is dangerous, as it encourages bigotry and hatred of all gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered people.

Hmmm. I wonder, could it be that this ad underscores their own sexual orientation insecurity? Might these LGBT haters be more than a tad drawn to a little gender-bending behavior themselves?

— The Curator

Real INTIMACY Takes HONESTY

Most faiths and secular paths alike encourage a mindful reflection back over the past year, usually coinciding with a sharp change of season.

In my religion, that mindful reflection occurs this month. It’s a time to take an honest stock of the emotional and physical “stores” of my life; a time to release behaviors that have outlived their usefulness, and to embrace new ones to improve it, as well as those that will enrich my interactions with others.

For millions around the world, this has become an annual tradition – even a Rite of sorts – to make New Year’s resolutions. For others, there is a time of “atonement” during the year specified within their individual religious/faith paths.

Whatever practice you follow, I would like to make a suggestion: When reflecting back over the year, don’t just think about how much money you made, or how much weight you gained and want to lose. But, take some time to really think about your life in terms of intimacy and sexuality.

Did you open yourself up, honestly and completely to your partner, or did you hold back and hold on to petty arguments that are festering and growing into what will become a hard shell of bitterness that will eventually enclose your heart? If you don’t have a partner, is that by conscious choice, or is there something within you that discourages that type of closeness – is it a fear of rejection, or a fear of acceptance?

When you take time to look inward, do so in private and without using a judgmental or critical eye. Do not be hard on yourself, or blame others, either. Just try really hard to “see” yourself in as unvarnished a way as possible. Think about what you believe, how you act, and how you want to improve your life. This is not an exercise in selfishness. See your life as linked to everyone else’s – how your behavior effects not just you, but everyone else around you, too.

One of the things that fascinates me about people in general, myself included, is our capacity to hold diametrically opposed values comfortably, without any cognitive dissonance whatsoever – we simply rationalize. We say that we are honest and declare that as a core value, but then act deceitfully or even treacherously in our private, and/or work lives. We allow ourselves these contradictory behaviors by saying our partner did something to deserve our withholding the truth for lies; or that we have to participate in backstabbing workplace “politics” or gossiping to further our careers, or to establish the financial security for our families.

But, does the end really justify the means when it comes to intimacy and sexuality? Is it acceptable to say anything to someone simply to get them into bed? Is it acceptable to withhold sex as a punishment in a domestic situation? Is it acceptable to have an abortion without involving the father in the decision, or even telling him about the pregnancy?

What about issues involving sexual identity. What does it do to your insides if you are bi-sexual, gay, lesbian or transgendered but are forced to live your life in the closet for fear of the emotional or physical reprisals if you disclose your true sexuality? If you are a parent, have you withdrawn your support, love and approval from your child, or even disowned them because of their sexual identity? You only have to go as far as the recent news headlines to know that homophobia has cut a swath of viciousness and hate crimes across the globe, as well as sparking suicides by victims of homophobic bullies.

Even our mainstream language reflects this growing anti-gay trend. The phrase, something’s “so gay” has been the ultimate damaging cut down, cop out and insult among teens and others in recent years, along with many others.

Science is sooo gay! Translation, "I find science boring." You are such a fag! Translation, "I think you are stupid." You queer! Translation, "You are crazy." The words gay, fag and queer fly between teenagers as insults and descriptors. However, this isn't innocent badgering, it's also building a hurtful bias of bigotry within our society that is potentially damaging self-esteem and destroying personal responsibility.

Breaking the prejudicial cycle requires immediate, intelligent parental reactions. It also requires sensitive adult reactions if you hear someone who should know better than repeat these anti-gay slurs.

A woman in Serbia commenting on the anti-gay rioting at a recent gay pride parade explained it best, "When you develop that mentality of us and them, and we hate them and we fight them, then in the end you always find somebody who is unlike you to fight."

How about you? If you are uncomfortable with a sexual identity that is not your own, can you admit that to yourself? If that level of discomfort has grown into real bigotry, can you admit that? Remember, this is not an exercise of blame, but of self-truth. No one but you will hear your answers, and no one but you can make changes if you are unhappy with them.

Then there’s sex. Are you good at giving and receiving pleasure? If not, can you tell your partner what you need, or ask them what they need and make these inquiries without recriminations or hurt feelings? It’s not about your inability or failure as a lover, it’s about honesty and achieving a level of comfort with your partner. To me, it’s about sharing your vulnerabilities, and giving each other heartfelt support.

In my experience, some women are able to give pleasure, but may have problems receiving it. It is difficult for them to let go and give themselves over completely to the sensations that their partners are creating within their bodies. If so, they may find it difficult to admit what’s going on to their partner, feeling there must be something wrong with them. As a result, the may fake orgasm, rather than talking about what’s really going on. If this is you, try to trust your partner enough to begin the discussion. And, if you are the partner hearing this issue for the first time, listen with compassion and without feeling that your love making skills are being criticized.

Some women may be unable to tell their partner what it is they like in bed, because they may not know themselves. If so, they might want to remedy that by experimenting with masturbation. Sadly, some women find masturbation even more uncomfortable to consider than being honest with their partners! I would encourage all women to explore their bodies, even if you’ve not masturbated and the mere thought of it makes you uncomfortable. If you do not know how your body works sexually, it is virtually impossible to be able to tell your partner. Masturbation would be a very positive resolution, indeed.

The lies I tell myself separate me from others, and interferes with deep, lasting intimacy with my partner. Begin your New Year with a closer relationship with everyone in your life – including yourself – by taking an unflinching look within.

— The Curator

Breasts Already Removed in Bono Transgender Operation

Chastity Bono was the blonde haired little girl who stole America's hearts in the 1970’s when she appeared on stage with her famous parents, the iconic musical duo Sonny and Cher.

That little girl is no more. Now emerging in her place is a strong and well adjusted adult who has gone through a lot emotionally and physically to embrace her true nature: that of a man.

As Chastity has gradually transformed into Chaz, he still has years before the gender reassignment (sex-change) procedures that he began in late 2008 will be completed.

In a candid new TV interview, Chaz revealed for the first time that he has already had his “female” breasts surgically removed as part of the gender reassignment.

He said it was easy to have them removed, and actually a "huge relief," because he had hated goning through puberty as a girl when his breasts had begun to grow.

"I'm going through another puberty right now -- the way it should have been," he said.

He laughed happily saying he "finally" feels like the male he has always been inside.

"I'm one of those who believes gender is between the ears, not between the legs," he said.

Chaz, 40, has is also writing a memoir about his transgender experiences, and has been photographed throughout the process to document the physical changes as they occurred.

The new interview, which will aired on Entertainment Tonight, is his first since the medical gender reassignment procedure began. In the interview, Chaz also acknowledged that he speaks in a deeper tone, adding that is a continuing process because hormones are changing his body.

"It happens in stages," Chaz said of his voice.

It takes about five years for all of the changes in his body to end, including the hormone treatment. There also may be additional surgery he will undergo for the reassignment to male.

Chaz tells ET that he felt like a male from, "the time I was a child."

The gender reassignment procedure is a long one by design, to ensure that the radical procedure is the right decision for each person who elects to undergo it. Doctors and therapists also work to help patients accept and understand the overt and subtle changes occurring over time in their bodies. It is also painful, patients not only enduring various surgical procedures both minor and major, but also recovering and adapting to the changes that are happening to their bodies.

Chaz acknowledged the changes, including beginning to grow facial hair.

 "I shave about once a week now,” describing the hair as "peach fuzz."

"It's great, I've always wanted to shave," he added, laughing.

The hormone treatments also have numerous drawbacks, leaving most looking quite bloated until their “new” bodies adjust to the gender reassignment.

Chaz publicly announced his decision to undergo gender reassignment in June 2009. “After many years of consideration, Chaz has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity,” said publicist Howard Bragman at the time. “He is proud of his decision and grateful for the support and respect that has already been shown by his loved ones.”

Chaz’ life-partner Jennifer Elia, and her famous mother, Cher, 63, are supporting him with the decision. Once the sex-change is fully completed, it is expected that the couple will exchange vows in a commitment ceremony.

Chastity had endured a life-long struggle with her identity, and only came-out as a lesbian in 1995 when she graced the cover of The Advocate magazine, which was just one year before her then-partner Joan had died of lymphoma.

Both her parents had trouble recognizing their child's sexuality. Her father, Sonny, who was a Congressman at the time, actually voted to deny same sex marriages before he died tragically in a skiing accident.

However, after Chaz announced the transgender procedure, superstar Cher publicly backed the decision made by her daughter to become a man.

On June 12, 2009 Chastity/Chaz announced in an interview with ABC's Good Morning America, that she would be undergoing a sex change operation to become a man. Even then, Chastity was already referring to herself, as male. Chastity Bono said she would forever be known as Chaz Bono.

During the Good Morning America interview, Chaz said that Cher was lugubrious when she learned that he preferred the company of females. "Cher went ballistic," Chaz said.

“You have to remember that Cher was thinking of her cute little blond haired baby girl, when hearing this information,” Chaz explained.

Reportedly, Chaz and his mother are already planning to launch a reality show after the gender transition process is completed.

When then-Chastity told Sonny about her plans to become a man, he was a little more tolerant, but sadly their relationship eventually became strained.

At the time of the interview with ABC's Good Morning America, Chaz had yet to undergone an operation to further her transition toward being a male, but had been undergoing counseling and was beginning drug therapy to begin the change.

In the pivotal 1995 interview in The Advocate, the leading American gay and lesbian news-magazine, Chaz first publicly identified herself as a lesbian, and on June this year it was publicly announced that Chaz would undergo the gender reassignment, after years of anguish as to whether she should actually go ahead with the procedure.

Chaz initiated the procedure by taking hormone injections around June 2008. The gender reassignment is scheduled to be completed sometime this year. Reportedly, Chaz also underwent an invasive gastric “band” lapro-scopic operation to limit food intake and ensure the final steps of his gender transition.

After the completion of the entire procedure, Chaz is expected to publicly highlight the issues confronted by the transgender community. Thursday’s interview is a step toward that goal. As the most famous celebrity in the US to have undergone the procedure, Chaz is expected to be able to provide encouragement to other people struggling with the same decision.

The terminology surrounding gender issues can be confusing. "Transgender man,", "transmale," and "affirmed male" have all been used to refer to a biological female who transitions to a male.

What exactly does transitioning mean? It's the period during which somebody starts to live as his/her new gender. It can include changing a name or legal documents, taking hormones, and getting surgery. One misconception is that transitioning requires surgery. It doesn't. As Mara Keisling, the Executive Director for the National Center for Transgender Equality (NCTE) told CBS News, "Most transsexuals don't get surgery. This is about gender identity, not about genitals."

There's a lot of controversy and confusion but experts agree on two crucial concepts:

1) Being transgender is not a choice.

2) Biological sex and gender identity are two different things.

There are people whose external appearance is female but who have felt they were male since they were toddlers - and vice-versa. Norman P. Spack, M.D., an endocrinologist at Children's Hospital in Boston, Dept. of Pediatrics, Harvard Medical School, has been treating transgender patients since 1985 and significant numbers of teenagers since 1998.

Most of his patients have told him "as far back as they can really remember that they were in the wrong body." Dr. Spack said, "there's a heavy skew to under 6 years."