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It's not just teens who need sex education, their parents and grandparents could use extensive courses in sensuality and pleasuring too, according to an intriguing study.
It is certainly not surprising to anyone who reads and follows sex-related information. In fact, sex educators have been advocating for adult and senior sex education offerings for years.
In a world that focuses on the youth of its generation, the sexual needs of older folks are often neglected. I am a senior, a 54-year-old woman, who is also disabled. The unmistakable message to me from society is that my sex life is o-v-e-r, kaput, fineto.
Well, hell no! In fact, I have a better sex life now than I did 20 years ago, before my disability began to intrude on all aspects of my life.
Sex IS life. To deny that to aging populations is to strip them of their humanity instead of their clothes. They need to know how their bodies work, and how to make them work to receive and give the ultimate pleasure possible.
The following article, from LiveScience, underscores not only the importance of sex throughout our lives, but an unusual venue that some people are getting sex ed: At home parties that sell sex toys
Read the article below in its entirety, or directly at its website. And remember, the only time you're too old to have sex is when you're too old to draw a breath!
Many adults in the dark when it comes to sex ed
Public health educators, hosts of sex toy parties aim to inform 'sexually illiterate' U.S. adults
By Stephanie Pappas for LiveScience
"When Patty Brisben got into sex toy sales in 1983, she promised herself that she'd learn as much as she could about human sexuality. It's a promise that has come in handy over the years, especially since she's launched her own in-home sex toy party company, Pure Romance — and as CEO, has found herself running a fleet of employees who are half-salespeople, half-sex educators.
"I have grown women, they could be 40 and 50 years old, that will come [to parties] and say they don't even know and understand their body parts," Brisben told LiveScience. "That's not good."
Discussions regarding sex education usually revolve around educating teenagers. But increasingly, sexual health researchers say, adults are in need of sex education, too. When Bill Taverner, director of The Center for Family Life Education at Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey, spoke at his parents' retirement community about sexuality and aging recently, the crowd — all older adults — was bigger than the turnout of any other session ever scheduled by organizers.
"They let me keep talking for three hours," Taverner, the co-author of the Planned Parenthood-published book "Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter" (2009), told LiveScience.
Sexual illiteracy
There are a few reasons why adults have burning questions about an act most have been practicing for years, researchers say. For one, formal sexual education is uneven. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, in 2002, only 22 states and the District of Columbia mandate sex education in their public schools (35 states mandate lessons on HIV and sexually transmitted diseases). Many of those states require an abstinence focus; others leave the nuts and bolts of lesson planning to local districts, where quality varies, according to the Kaiser report.
The result is a "sexually illiterate" population of American adults, said Michael Reece, a professor of health at Indiana University.
"Most adults just don't have the basic education about their bodies, the bodies of their sexual partners, relationships, sexual behaviors," Reece said. "We really have this deficit, I would say, across the country."
Even if every teenager got the best sex education available, Taverner said, it wouldn't be enough. Advice given to teens won't be as useful at age 60 when you're dealing with the physical changes of aging.
'Teachable moments' at sex toy parties
That's where people like Brisben come in. Sex toy parties, it turns out, are what public health educators call "teachable moments." Much like the Tupperware parties of the 1950s, sex toy parties involve inviting a group of women (parties are almost always female-only affairs) into a hostess's home for a combination soiree and sales pitch — but instead of soup mugs and sandwich keepers, the products in question include lubricants and vibrators.
It could be just another example of sexual consumerism, but Brisben doesn't see it that way. She's partnered with Reece and his colleagues at Indiana University to provide online training for all Pure Romance salespeople. The training module, which includes text, video and quizzes, covers the gamut from relationships and communication to STDs and sexual arousal.
The idea, Brisben said, is to create a comfortable environment where women can ask questions and get good answers. The most common questions, she said, tend to be about lack of libido and pain during sex.
Sex ed in the golden years
Other educators are seeking out adults in venues that are rarely associated with sexual education: churches, retirement centers, volunteer organizations such as Kiwanis clubs — even nursing homes. Here, the seminars revolve around later-life dating, physical changes, and the need for intimacy and touch.
"The major sex education for older people is being done by the pharmaceutical community, and we're concerned that that focuses on some pill you take and doesn't get at the major issues, which have to do with relationships and communication," said Peggy Brick, a sex educator who co-authored "Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter" with Taverner. Brick also founded the Widener University Consortium on Sexuality and Aging, a group dedicated to sex education for older adults.
"My main theme is that people need new expectations," Brick told LiveScience. "If they expect sex to be like it was when they were a teenager, they're going to be disappointed. It's different, and in fact it can be considerably better, but people have to understand the changes."
One example of such a change is what's known as the refractory period for men, Taverner said. The refractory period refers to the time men need after an orgasmbefore they're physically capable of orgasming again. For male teens, the refractory period could last just minutes, while it could take days for older men.
"If no one has ever sat down with a man to talk about this important change, he would very understandably think that something is wrong with him," Taverner said.
Besides running sex-ed courses for older adults, Brick runs trainings for caregivers in nursing homes and long-term care facilities. Staff may not understand that elderly people are sexual beings who need space to build intimate relationships, she said.
Ageism is a big problem when dealing with sexual education for older adults, Taverner said. Sex is portrayed on television and in movies as the domain of the young and pretty, he said, which can trigger body image issuesin older people. And young people underestimate how sexual older generations are, Taverner said. When teaching college students, he often asks them to think about how sexual they'll be in 50 years.
"Most of them give themselves high marks," he said.
But when he asks them to think about how sexual their grandparents or older acquaintances are, the numbers drop precipitously.
"People have an internal sense that we all want to be sexual beings throughout our lives, but we don't like to think of older adults as sexual beings," Taverner said. "We often think of the sexuality of older adults as something to joke about."
To Pure Romance's Brisben, any opportunity to educate is a good one. She's seen more discussion of sexual problems on television, she said, which she sees as a good sign that people are "opening up those doors."
"Everybody has sex, everybody does!" Brisben said. "It's part of what happens in life, and so if you don't take responsibility and you don't ask these questions, it's going to continue to be the ugly elephant in the room."'
— The Curator
When parents talk to their kids about sex, most match gender to gender – moms talk to daughters, and dads talk to sons.
That’s why a new study out of New York University has gotten a lot of attention recently because it suggested that young girls could actually benefit from talking about sex with their father.
Previous studies have concluded that girls who have open communication with their fathers — about everything — tend to have intercourse later in life and also have fewer sexual partners, both of which can be very good for sexual and mental health. But do they actually have to talk about sex to have this effect?
While young women are still mostly influenced and informed on this subject by their mothers, Katherine Hutchinson, associate professor at the NYU College of Nursing, wanted to figure out whether fathers had a role to play. As part of a larger study examining family influences on adolescent sexual risk, she asked a representative sample of 250 or so women aged 19 to 21 what kind of impact their fathers had on their sex education.
The answer was: very little. And, surprisingly, a lot of the women, most of whom were sexually active, wished their fathers had told them more. Specifically, they wanted to hear stuff only guys would know, about how to communicate with men and what the carnal landscape looked like from a male's vantage point.
"They felt that if they could have been more comfortable talking with their fathers about issues around sex, they might have been more comfortable talking to boyfriends or potential sexual partners about them," says Hutchinson, whose study was published in the Journal of Family Issues. "And they wanted to know how to negotiate intimacy issues with men."
So does this mean dads should be the ones sitting down and explaining where we all come from? "I'm not a big proponent of The Talk, whether it's from a mother or a father," says Hutchinson. "It takes away from the normalcy of sexuality." She advocates instead for ongoing communication with kids about their bodies, sexual development and sexual issues, so that the subject is not so fraught. But she feels dads could weigh in on how to politely tell a guy you don't want to have sex with him, or that you're not ready for sex with anyone right now, or that you want him to wear a condom.
I couldn’t agree more with Hutchinson. I think when sex is treated with normalcy and without shame, embarrassment or judgment within a family, kids will have far fewer hangups when they become sexually active adults. They will also be armed with facts and not euphemisms that can lead to an unexpected pregnancy, STD or even AIDs. It will also bolster their self-esteem when they are taught about their amazing bodies.
A sex-positive attitude, expressed by BOTH parents consistently while children grow, will go a long way to encourage their children development is healthy and happy. Issues of sexual orientation when accepted and discussed within a loving family dynamic will help homosexual, bisexual and transgendered teens cope with the societal road ahead.
This study did not address whether it would be equally beneficial for moms to talk to their sons about sex, but I bet you’d get the same encouraging results.
One note of warning to dads: Probably best not to bring the subject up while the guy or girl your daughter likes is in the room! Awkward.
Here’s some helpful advice when talking to kids about sex:
— Be open and honest. Don’t just repeat phrases, or slogans but be frank and truthful.
— Let your child consistently know how you feel about sex and relationships so they will be comfortable to talk about their feelings, and ask questions when they have them.
— Do your homework. Be sure you are sexually well-versed so that you’ll be able to offer great advice and real information throughout the developmental stages of your child.
— Talk consistently about the responsibility and consequences of being sexually active as your children grow.
— Be very careful to take time and understand your own views. If you are homophobic, admit it to yourself, and try to work through it as soon a possible. Try everything possible not put your sexual baggage on your kids.
— The Curator
What is a parent to do? On the same week, two reports dealing with teen pregnancy rates and the effectiveness of sex education programs came to exactly the opposite conclusion: abstinence only teaching programs work; abstinence only teaching programs do not work!
After a decade-long decline, teen pregnancy rates rose in 2006. When the teen pregnancy rate dropped in the 1990's, it was largely attributed to increased contraception use. With the Bush administration in power, though, Congress directed a whole lot of money towards abstinence-only education — telling kids just to keep it in their pants until marriage. The result? A 4 percent rise in teen births, and a 1 percent increase in abortion.
The U.S. also has the highest rate of teen pregnancy, birth and abortion of any industrialized, Western nation. Seven percent of all teenage girls here get pregnant.
While abstinence programs were a favorite of the Bush administration, Pres. Barack Obama’s administration has eliminated over $170 million in federal funding for abstinence programs after previous studies showed that they did not work.
Shockingly, those statistics were challenged by a new study concluding that teaching abstinence in sex education classes works better than showing them safe methods of contraception. According to the study, published last week in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, 67 percent of the teens who received some form of abstinence-only education delayed having sex for two years, compared with 48 percent of teens who received no sex education.
These findings have caught the attention of those from across the political spectrum and even across the globe because it is the FIRST study showing that abstinence education might be affective.
Just Say No – that’s the fundamental message of controversial abstinence campaigns such as the U.S.-based Silver Ring Thing, aimed at encouraging teenagers to save sex for the marriage bed. But this is not just an American phenomenon. Similar “abstinence-centred” approaches are taking an increasingly defining role in the sex education of young people across Europe. Thus, this new U.S. report is getting a lot of attention because it actually contradicts the findings of many other international studies.
This dramatic new evidence ought to be good news for Texas, right? After all, state law there requires an emphasis on abstinence, and most school districts stop there.
But education experts caution that the program tested is very different from the curriculum offered in many Texas schools. And while elements can be found in some North Texas classrooms, not even the researchers can say for certain which parts of their specially designed program made it work.
Advocates of abstinence-only classes praised the study. Even many experts who are generally critical of abstinence-only are impressed with the new research.
"That sends a message to people that you can do abstinence-only, but you need to be smart about it," said David Wiley, president of the American School Health Association. Wiley, a Texas State University professor who co-authored a study last year that was highly critical of most sex education programs in Texas, said there were valuable lessons in the new research.
"It proves that when you do it the right way, using medically accurate information, you get better results," he said.
The new study involved 662 black sixth- and seventh-graders in four Philadelphia-area public schools. The researchers tested five education programs: abstinence-only, two kinds of "comprehensive" classes that included discussion of contraception, a "safer sex" class, and a health class that did not discuss sex education.
The researchers identified at least two important results, first that abstinence-only classes worked. By the end of two years, about half of the students in the health-only class probably had sex at least once, compared with about a third of the students who took the abstinence-only course.
Secondly, even those students in the abstinence-only group who had sex were no less likely to use a condom – a concern raised by critics of the abstinence-only approach.
But John Jemmott, the University of Pennsylvania professor who led the study, warned that these results don't necessarily apply to other abstinence-only programs, including those in Texas.
Compared with many public school programs for children in those grades, his class was significantly longer – eight hours, plus follow-up sessions.
Gloria Canham, director of health services for the Richardson school district, said there's no time for the level of detail and student-engaging education strategies employed in Jemmott's class design. Richardson school nurses spend about an hour each year with students, starting in fifth grade.
"We feel lucky to get the time we have, away from instruction" she said.
Jemmott's approach did not take a moral stand on sex. It did not tell students to wait until they were married. It engaged the students to come up with their own lists of positive goals and dreams that could be affected by the consequences of sex. And instructors were not allowed to unfairly disparage the use or effectiveness of condoms.
How does that stack up with what's offered in most Texas schools? The most intense sex education classes here are aimed at higher grades. Many take a clear moral stand against sex. There's usually an emphasis on waiting until marriage. And state law requires that instructors use "reality rates" to describe the effectiveness of contraception – a rule that critics say pushes some instructors into avoiding questions or into answers that confuse students.
Which of those differences may matter? Jemmott has his theories but admits that his research doesn't offer clear directions.
"I don't know whether the intervention would have worked any differently if we'd said 'until marriage,' " he said.
But some of the elements of his classes can be found in North Texas. Kids in the lower grades get at least an introduction to sex education at most schools.
For the lower grades in Richardson, the nurses show films, present slides and answer questions. As with the Jemmott method, morality isn't an issue, Canham said. Richardson's policy says that students are to be taught that abstinence is the "only effective prevention" of sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. Questions about the effectiveness of condom use are generally deflected, with a suggestion that the students talk to their parents, she said.
In Dallas, at least two elementary schools offer a voluntary program called SMART (Students Making Abstinence Real Today). Standard coursework starts in sixth grade with basic human biology, plus training in how to resist peer pressure, maintenance of self-esteem and an explanation of sexual harassment.
As for when to have sex, "our teachers are told to frame it in terms of a marital relationship," Dallas schools spokesman Jon Dahlander said.
Should Texas schools beef up their efforts to reach younger students with a more intensive sex education program? Both Dahlander and Canham were cautious about drawing specific lessons from the new study. And even Jemmott said others should not pull too many conclusions from one piece of research.
Jemmott, long a critic of other abstinence-only programs, now finds himself an unlikely champion. He said he still believes that there is more evidence that a comprehensive approach works. But he said he recognizes that many communities want an effective abstinence-only approach.
"I would be very happy if other researchers who have developed effective comprehensive interventions in the past would turn their skills and experience to the creation of abstinence-only interventions," he said.
Good grief, now my head hurts! I have read through what feels like millions of columns related to these reports, but for me, one of the best is by well-respected sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman. Here is the column in full, or you can read it at the Chicago Sun-Times website:
By Dr. Laura Berman
“The debate over sex education was heightened last week as a result of a new study that found that abstinence-only sex education might be effective in preventing teenage sexual activity.
Among parents and policy makers, there are three main schools of thought when it comes to sex education. These are:
• Abstinence-only education (like the one followed in the study) takes a "just say no" approach to sex. Students are given tips on how to resist peer pressure along with the sobering statistics on STDs.
• Comprehensive sex education teaches about the importance of abstinence while including facts about birth control methods, tips for how to negotiate condom use, and normalizing sexuality and sexual urges.
• Safer sex education teaches teens how to protect against STDs and unplanned pregnancy, including symptoms of common STDs and treatments.
The most recent study, which was published in the Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine, followed African-American middle schoolers for 24 months. The researchers found that students who attended the abstinence-only program were less likely to engage in sexual activity than those who attended general health classes (such as safer sex education programs).
However, as any middle schooler attending social studies can tell you, one study can't have all the answers. All studies have potential flaws and biases and, in particular, this one paid students $20 for each abstinence-only class they attended. This might have caused students to feel obligated to misrepresent their sexual activity.
Even if the research was without flaw, its findings do not mean that we should throw out all other sex education classes; especially when there are numerous studies supporting their success. The fact that the 2006 teenage pregnancy rate increased for the first time in years is proof enough that the Bush administration's support of abstinence-only curriculum was ineffective.
Add to that the statistic that shows that one in four teenage girls has an STD and we can all agree that our sex education programs need work.
Sex education shouldn't just be about teaching kids to say no, or even just about teaching kids about STDs and pregnancy. It also should include information on how to negotiate for condom use, how the only "safe sex" is no sex at all, and how sexual feelings are normal and healthy. The physical risks of sex can be discussed, along with the emotional risks, such as heartbreak, embarrassment and disappointment.
But, we also can teach that sex is healthy and special in the right circumstances; and then help them to identify what those circumstances are.
Abstinence always can be offered as the first and safest option, but it should not be offered as the only option.
If we teach our teenagers about the importance of waiting and about the importance of condoms and other contraceptives, sex doesn't have to be the biggest mistake of their lives. By giving them information, we are not giving them permission. We are merely giving them the tools they need to make the right decision when the issue of sex arises (and trust me, it will).
When it comes to our children's health and safety, we absolutely cannot let personal politics or religious taboos get in the way. Let's stop arguing amongst ourselves and think about the millions of teens who need our help. Save the drama for the next election season.”
I couldn’t agree more with Dr. Berman. Children need to be instructed about sex and safe sex, accurately and completely, but should also be encouraged to wait by parents/guardians who can explain why it is important for them to hold off until they are older. I believe if parents/guardians have this conversation lovingly while they listen and not lecture to their kids, they will be able to explain that the decision to wait is relevant to their young lives.
— The Curator
There is a fascinating and important opinion/editorial appearing at Bikya Masr that describes sex education – or the lack of it – in today's Egypt.
The author, Baher Ibrahim, notes that even doctor’s do not have correct or adequate sex education, nor do many men and women understand the correct usage of condoms.
Masturbation is absolutely verboten, and women, who are expected to remain virginal until marriage, are not supposed to have any specific knowledge about self-pleasure.
Ibrahim urges the country to confront its sexual conservatism, and advances a compelling argument that it must provide real, contemporary sex education.
The editorial appears in its entirety below, or read it directly at Bikya Masr.
By Baher Ibrahim
27 December 2009
in Health
“It may sound striking that in the 21st century; there are highly educated people, even doctors, who have highly inaccurate information about reproductive health. But in Egypt, that is the reality.
Starting from school pupils and reaching all the way to medical faculties, there is an astonishing lack of basic information on sex and reproductive diseases. Misconceptions and old wives’ tales are reinforced in young peoples’ minds by the insistence of medical professors on ignoring such basic information.
Egyptian society is by nature a conservative one, making sex a taboo subject. Thus, it has become absolutely normal and expected that an entire body system be practically ignored in science curricula all over the country. Everyone in Egypt has memories of the bizarre class on the reproductive system. What usually happens is that the teacher maintains a stern face and monotonous voice to deter students from making lousy jokes. If it’s a co-ed school, there is no place for a constructive detailed discussion. Likewise, if a male teacher is standing before a girl only class or vice versa, the lesson is finished off at lightning speed. Girls would be unwilling and embarrassed to listen to a man explain the anatomy of the female genitalia, and boys will almost certainly make an inappropriate comment that will deter their teacher.
In today’s age, sex is aggressively marketed through advertising, movies and music videos. With widespread Internet access, pornography is instantly available at the click of a mouse. That there is no kind of proper sex ed in our schools is preposterous. Fast forward to high school, and the situation is not any different. The reproductive process is explained in terms of spermatogenesis and fertilization, leaving numerous girls wondering (and this is not an exaggeration) how the spermatozoa happened to reach the ovum. In addition, it prompts teenage boys, who will stop at nothing to find out about sex, to get their information from their friends, who are just as misinformed as them, or from pornographic movies.
The only time when sex is formally discussed in school is in a religious context, where the (inexperienced) religious studies teacher offers the students more misinformation as fact. Examples of these are 'masturbation is strictly forbidden in religion, and the punishment of he who masturbates is equal to that of he who engages in sexual relations with his mother.' Another popular one is that 'one mustn’t masturbate because God has given each man a store of semen that will finish if you abuse it.'
These claims are laughable to many, but are widely accepted as fact, as well as the infamous 'masturbation ruins your eyesight.' Fast forward once again to university, and the unwillingness to discuss sex in even a medical context is absurd.
Khalid, a dentistry student at Alexandria University, recalls one of his experiences. He says 'It was in our first year during a Zoology lecture. The professor (a woman) happened to mention the word ‘vagina’. A colleague of mine, who’s English was very poor, asked the professor after the lecture about the meaning of ‘vagina’. Suddenly the professor started stuttering and launched into a prolonged English-Arabic explanation interspersed with medical terminology. While he was looking at her with blank eyes, I whispered in his ear the Arabic slang (and offensive) word for ‘vagina.’'
The country’s medical students, and future doctors, fare no better. Many still believe the common “masturbation ruins your eyesight” myth, while others believe it causes infertility. A medical student at Alexandria University laughs as he tells about one of his funnier experiences. “It was during our second year, and we were attending a psychology lecture where the topic of discussion was IQ. A student passed over a folded paper to the doctor with a question on it. (Note: this is how questions are commonly asked due to the massive number of students in the auditoriums) The question was ‘Excuse me doctor, but does masturbation affect your IQ?’ Many students burst out laughing but most of the girls seemed not to understand since they didn’t get the English term. The doctor was very professional, explaining that there was no harm at all in the act, unless it became an obsession or compulsive behavior. He also mentioned statistics that 99.9% of males and 70 percent of females masturbate.'
Naturally, the latter part of the statistic did not sit well with many. The student goes on to say 'My male friends were astonished that he mentioned such a statistic so openly in front of girls, and most believed it to be a lie. Some went on to say that only a whore would do such a thing and one also wondered if by doing so, a girl could lose her virginity. A few were also astonished at the prospect that girls even thought about sex.'
The student I spoke to is now in his fifth (second last) year. He says 'Even now, it is more of the same. We had a lecture on male infertility, and obviously, a semen sample is needed to know if a man is infertile. The professor found it too embarrassing to say that the sample is usually obtained by masturbation, despite the term being mentioned without definition in the book. He opted to say that ‘a sample is best obtained in the lab’. I don’t know what’s so embarrassing about it. I am sure many of the girls, especially the ones from rural backgrounds, didn’t understand.'
Nor are they expected to understand. Despite attempts at change, Egypt is still a largely patriarchal, male dominated society where 'respectable' girls are expected to guard their virginity and know little to nothing about sex, until they are married.
This student also says 'I was stunned when during a lecture on HIV/AIDS, the professor made very little emphasis on prevention of sexual transmission, besides mentioning the term ‘condom’ once in English. Then he made a claim I have never heard of that in 15-20 percent of proper, regular condom usage, HIV can still cross an intact condom. I’ve never heard of such a thing.'
Indeed, a fact sheet on male condom use, available on the UNAIDS website, says that after conducting studies, it has emerged that 'with regular sexual intercourse over a period of two years, partners who consistently used condoms had a near zero risk of HIV.'
Add to this the reality that most med students, even when they graduate, do not even know what a condom looks like. This is an outrageous lack of basic sex ed, especially for medical students, and steps must be taken to change it.
Ironically, in a country where extramarital sex is a big no-no, very few women know how to self induce a medical abortion or use the morning after pill to prevent pregnancy.
Most girls do not even know what their external genitalia look like, nor do they have the curiosity to know. This is part of the cultural norm that girls must guard their modesty and virginity before marriage.
For all the above stated reasons, definite steps must be taken to integrate proper sex education in school and university curricula, to be taught by certified specialists, so that we may pull our students, future doctors and the general population out of the dark.”
This editorial perfectly underscores many of the challenges that conservative countries face in our modern, technological society. Every country must determine its own mores, but when its citizens have access to broader experiences via the Internet, then sex education is even more imperative. It is also quite shocking to me that many of its doctor's do not possess this vital information, either.
It is not for me to judge the behavior of a society or government when it comes to sex, but ensuring the safety of all is everyone's responsibility.
I believe that every person must be given the tools to protect themselves from contracting AIDS and other STD's, and to have the most basic knowledge about their own bodies. That is not a religious/ideology issue, but rather a human issue.
I would argue that women should be considered sexual equals in any society. Even in the U.S., which is a much less conservative country, that is still not the case, but is thankfully coming closer to becoming a reality.
— The Curator
