Sex Toys for ADULT Sex Education

It's not just teens who need sex education, their parents and grandparents could use extensive courses in sensuality and pleasuring too, according to an intriguing study.

It is certainly not surprising to anyone who reads and follows sex-related information. In fact, sex educators have been advocating for adult and senior sex education offerings for years.

In a world that focuses on the youth of its generation, the sexual needs of older folks are often neglected. I am a senior, a 54-year-old woman, who is also disabled. The unmistakable message to me from society is that my sex life is o-v-e-r, kaput, fineto.

Well, hell no! In fact, I have a better sex life now than I did 20 years ago, before my disability began to intrude on all aspects of my life.

Sex IS life. To deny that to aging populations is to strip them of their humanity instead of their clothes. They need to know how their bodies work, and how to make them work to receive and give the ultimate pleasure possible.

The following article, from LiveScience, underscores not only the importance of sex throughout our lives, but an unusual venue that some people are getting sex ed: At home parties that sell sex toys

Read the article below in its entirety, or directly at its website. And remember, the only time you're too old to have sex is when you're too old to draw a breath!

Many adults in the dark when it comes to sex ed

Public health educators, hosts of sex toy parties aim to inform 'sexually illiterate' U.S. adults

By Stephanie Pappas for LiveScience

"When Patty Brisben got into sex toy sales in 1983, she promised herself that she'd learn as much as she could about human sexuality. It's a promise that has come in handy over the years, especially since she's launched her own in-home sex toy party company, Pure Romance — and as CEO, has found herself running a fleet of employees who are half-salespeople, half-sex educators.

"I have grown women, they could be 40 and 50 years old, that will come [to parties] and say they don't even know and understand their body parts," Brisben told LiveScience. "That's not good."

Discussions regarding sex education usually revolve around educating teenagers. But increasingly, sexual health researchers say, adults are in need of sex education, too. When Bill Taverner, director of The Center for Family Life Education at Planned Parenthood of Greater Northern New Jersey, spoke at his parents' retirement community about sexuality and aging recently, the crowd — all older adults — was bigger than the turnout of any other session ever scheduled by organizers.

"They let me keep talking for three hours," Taverner, the co-author of the Planned Parenthood-published book "Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter" (2009), told LiveScience.

Sexual illiteracy

There are a few reasons why adults have burning questions about an act most have been practicing for years, researchers say. For one, formal sexual education is uneven. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, in 2002, only 22 states and the District of Columbia mandate sex education in their public schools (35 states mandate lessons on HIV and sexually transmitted diseases). Many of those states require an abstinence focus; others leave the nuts and bolts of lesson planning to local districts, where quality varies, according to the Kaiser report.

The result is a "sexually illiterate" population of American adults, said Michael Reece, a professor of health at Indiana University.

"Most adults just don't have the basic education about their bodies, the bodies of their sexual partners, relationships, sexual behaviors," Reece said. "We really have this deficit, I would say, across the country."

Even if every teenager got the best sex education available, Taverner said, it wouldn't be enough. Advice given to teens won't be as useful at age 60 when you're dealing with the physical changes of aging.

'Teachable moments' at sex toy parties

That's where people like Brisben come in. Sex toy parties, it turns out, are what public health educators call "teachable moments." Much like the Tupperware parties of the 1950s, sex toy parties involve inviting a group of women (parties are almost always female-only affairs) into a hostess's home for a combination soiree and sales pitch — but instead of soup mugs and sandwich keepers, the products in question include lubricants and vibrators.

It could be just another example of sexual consumerism, but Brisben doesn't see it that way. She's partnered with Reece and his colleagues at Indiana University to provide online training for all Pure Romance salespeople. The training module, which includes text, video and quizzes, covers the gamut from relationships and communication to STDs and sexual arousal.

The idea, Brisben said, is to create a comfortable environment where women can ask questions and get good answers. The most common questions, she said, tend to be about lack of libido and pain during sex.

Sex ed in the golden years

Other educators are seeking out adults in venues that are rarely associated with sexual education: churches, retirement centers, volunteer organizations such as Kiwanis clubs — even nursing homes. Here, the seminars revolve around later-life dating, physical changes, and the need for intimacy and touch.

"The major sex education for older people is being done by the pharmaceutical community, and we're concerned that that focuses on some pill you take and doesn't get at the major issues, which have to do with relationships and communication," said Peggy Brick, a sex educator who co-authored "Older, Wiser, Sexually Smarter" with Taverner. Brick also founded the Widener University Consortium on Sexuality and Aging, a group dedicated to sex education for older adults.

"My main theme is that people need new expectations," Brick told LiveScience. "If they expect sex to be like it was when they were a teenager, they're going to be disappointed. It's different, and in fact it can be considerably better, but people have to understand the changes."

One example of such a change is what's known as the refractory period for men, Taverner said. The refractory period refers to the time men need after an orgasmbefore they're physically capable of orgasming again. For male teens, the refractory period could last just minutes, while it could take days for older men.

"If no one has ever sat down with a man to talk about this important change, he would very understandably think that something is wrong with him," Taverner said.

Besides running sex-ed courses for older adults, Brick runs trainings for caregivers in nursing homes and long-term care facilities. Staff may not understand that elderly people are sexual beings who need space to build intimate relationships, she said.

Ageism is a big problem when dealing with sexual education for older adults, Taverner said. Sex is portrayed on television and in movies as the domain of the young and pretty, he said, which can trigger body image issuesin older people. And young people underestimate how sexual older generations are, Taverner said. When teaching college students, he often asks them to think about how sexual they'll be in 50 years.

"Most of them give themselves high marks," he said.

But when he asks them to think about how sexual their grandparents or older acquaintances are, the numbers drop precipitously.

"People have an internal sense that we all want to be sexual beings throughout our lives, but we don't like to think of older adults as sexual beings," Taverner said. "We often think of the sexuality of older adults as something to joke about."

To Pure Romance's Brisben, any opportunity to educate is a good one. She's seen more discussion of sexual problems on television, she said, which she sees as a good sign that people are "opening up those doors."

"Everybody has sex, everybody does!" Brisben said. "It's part of what happens in life, and so if you don't take responsibility and you don't ask these questions, it's going to continue to be the ugly elephant in the room."'

— The Curator

Teens Less Worried About Early Pregnancy

Fewer teens aged 15 to 19 report having had sex at least once, but more report they would be a "little pleased" or "very pleased" if this resulted in a pregnancy, a new study shows.

The study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, released June 2, surveyed 2,800 teenage boys and girls between the ages of 15 and 19 on sex, their use of contraceptives and thoughts on pregnancy. Researchers found that while the number of teens having sex is still significantly lower than in decades past, their attitudes toward getting pregnant (or getting their partner pregnant) are more lax.

The rate of sexually active teens did not change much from 2002, which was the last time that this survey was conducted. The survey showed that 79 percent of girls and 81percent of boys reported using some form of birth control method during their first sexual experience. The most commonly used contraceptive method was a condom, which was also the same in 2002.

Seventeen percent of teen girls are relying on the “rhythm method” for birth control, up from 11 percent in 2002. The method, which involves timing sex to avoid fertile days, doesn’t work about a quarter, or 25 percent of the time. Using condoms along with a hormonal contraceptive method such as birth control pills, however, has increased since 2002, the new survey shows.

"I am encouraged to see the statistics surrounding contraceptive use. It means we are getting better at informing teens about some of the realities associated with sexual intercourse," says Kimberly Spector, an adolescent-health educator in Los Angeles.

The fact that teens would be happy about getting pregnant or getting a partner pregnant, "serves as a reminder that we have a long way to go when it comes to sex education," she said. "The teenagers surveyed here obviously have some misconceptions about pregnancy and parenting if they aren't worried about it happening."

"We've known the decline in childbearing stalled out. This report kind of fills in the why," said Bill Albert, a spokesman for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

According to Spector, "This report shows us that if we as educators and parents are going to take a holistic approach to sex education, one that addresses all of the risks and most completely informs our students and children, we are going to have to start talking in more depth about the realities of parenting," she says. "Teenagers need to know that having babies is not just about cuteness, love, and a lasting relationship with a significant other, but also about dirty diapers, sleepless nights, increasing expenses, and often, emotional exhaustion."

Here are the major findings:

— One in five teenage girls who had sex said they would be pleased if they got pregnant; one in four teenage boys who had sex said they would be pleased if their partner got pregnant.
— Sixty-four percent of boys said it is OK for an unmarried woman to have a child (up from 50 percent in 2002); 71 percent of girls agree (up from 65 percent in 2002.)
— In the 2002 CDC survey, one in four teenage boys who had never had sex cited “don’t want to get female pregnant” as the top reason; that figure dropped to 12 percent in this survey.
— Teen girls who do not use contraceptives the first time they have sex are almost twice as likely to get pregnant before age 20; and only 79 percent of teenage girls used a contraceptive method the first time they had sex.
— Seventeen percent of teen girls are relying on the “rhythm method” for birth control, up from 11 percent in 2002. The method, which involves timing sex to avoid fertile days, doesn’t work about a quarter, or 25 percent of the time.
— Ninety-eight percent of teens have used birth control at least once; condoms are the most popular choice.
— Forty-two percent of never-married females have had sex (down from 51 percent in 1988); 43 percent of never-married males report having sex (down from 55 percent in 1995.)
— Twenty-six percent of females and 29 percent of males have had two of more partners.

Read the full survey here.

This is clearly a good news-bad news report. Less teens are having sex for the first time, but those who do are less concerned with becoming pregnant, and a significant number are using a highly unreliable birth control method that provides absolutely NO protection from STD’s.

It seems possible that the widespread popularity of young pop stars who have born children early may cause some teens to mistakenly believe they would be able to handle motherhood, and all that comes with it.

Parents and social educators have a difficult road ahead to ensure teens understand the risk of early pregnancies, along with the real threat of STD’s. The number of teens who contract STD’s continues to rise at an alarming rate.

— The Curator

Parents Wake Up: Talk to Your Kids About SEX!!

This is a vitally important topic, so no cute lead on this one: Kids need to know about sex from their parents before they have sex – duh!

Well, a recent study finds that parents are not talking soon enough, partly because kids are having sexual encounters at a younger age than in prior generations, and also because parents are in denial.

As a result, the birds-and-the-bees conversation occurs after, and not before, kids start experimenting sexually, possibly in risky ways, according to a study in the January issue of Pediatrics. In the study, researchers found “The Talk” about safe sex, birth control or sexually transmitted diseases often occurs after many adolescents are already having actual intercourse.

This revelation comes despite American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations that health-care providers and parents talk to their kids about sex and sexuality early in life.

"Parents are a little behind the 8-ball. They underestimate their children's sexual knowledge and interest and behaviors," said Dr. Lawrence Friedman, director of adolescent medicine at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine.

"It's a hard subject for many parents to broach, but the level of sexual activity in many kids has moved up in terms of initiation. It's younger," added Alan Hilfer, director of psychology at Maimonides Medical Center in New York City. "Talking about it is very helpful in terms of disease prevention, unwanted pregnancy and even issues around relationships."

According to experts, this is a troublesome trend, as teens who have had a sex talk with their parents are more likely to delay their first sexual encounter, and to practice safe sex when they do become sexually active.

Although there were long-term suspicions that parents lagged behind their kids, previous studies had asked adults to remember when they first had sex and when their parents talked to them, said study author Megan Beckett, a social scientist with the Rand Corp. in Santa Monica, Calif.

For this study, Beckett and her colleagues surveyed 141 middle-class and upper middle-class parents and their children, aged 13 to 17, in more of a real-time scenario. "We went back about four times over a year's period," Beckett said.

The study involved the families enrolling in the Talking Parents, Healthy Teens program, and should serve as a wake-up call for parents. The parents and children responded to a questionnaire covering 24-issues regarding sex and sexuality, including how pregnancy occurred, body changes during puberty, condom and birth control applications, as well as sexual identity and homosexuality.

Separately, parents and children were asked the first time they discussed each topic, which was then compared with the teens’ self-reports about engaging in three specific categories of sexual behavior i.e. hand-holding or kissing; genital touching or oral sex; and intercourse.

By study-end, over half the parents reported 14 of the 24-sex-related topics had not been discussed, by which time their adolescents had already begun genital touching or oral sex with partners.

Starting with questions about girls bodies and menstruation, the research team asked parents and children about kissing and handholding, birth control, refusing sex, oral sex and intercourse, all related to different developmental stages of the kids.

More than half of children had experienced genital touching before "The Talk" about birth control, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and condom use, the researchers found.

"More than 40 percent of adolescents are having intercourse before parents have talked to them about STD symptoms, condom use, choosing birth control and what to do if your partner refuses to use a condom," Beckett said. "That's a pretty large number."

Forty-two percent of girls said they had not discussed the effectiveness of birth control, while 40 percent had not talked it over with their parents on how to refuse sex before engaging in genital touching.

Nearly 70 percent of boys had not discussed condom use or other birth-control methods before having intercourse, with only half their parents saying they had not discussed the issues. About two-thirds of boys said they had not talked with a parent about how to use a condom before having intercourse. And conversations with boys almost always took place later than talks with girls.

"This is a flag to not put it off, and this is especially the case with boys," Beckett said.

Denial, naivety and any number of other emotions on the part of the parents may be playing into this trend, Friedman said.

"They reminisce that when they were in the seventh grade, they didn't do that kind of thing," he said.

"The fact of the matter is that this is 25 years later, and this is what is going on. You have to be knowledgeable and prepared to prepare children for when they become teenagers and have to confront sexual kinds of activities."

Other experts agree. "We live in an R-rated society, and our kids need our PG guidance," said Dr. Frank Biro, head of adolescent medicine at Cincinnati Children's Hospital. "If you want to instill knowledge and values, then you need to be talking to your kids earlier, not later."

Here are some tips on when and how to talk to your kids:

— Figure that the age you think is appropriate is probably too old. "If parents think that they should broach the topic at X age, they should subtract two years and do it at that age instead," Friedman said.

— Talk to your physician and scour resources from the Internet, libraries and schools about how to broach the subject and what to say.

— Take the lead. "Don't expect your child to come and ask an important question about a topic that they're embarrassed about or that they don't know their parents would be willing to talk to them about," Friedman said. "This will also help gauge how knowledgeable their teenager or child is."

— After you've talked, "step back and ask your kids questions and pay attention to what they're interested in," Hilfer said.

— Make sure your conversation is developmentally appropriate to the child, Biro said. Talking about fellatio with a 6-year-old is probably not appropriate. Talking about boys liking girls and handholding would be for kids 8 or 9 years or possibly even 6 years old. "If you haven't talked to your kids by the time they're 12, you need to get on the stick," said Hilfer.

— Make sure that kids understand the risks of even casual experimentation. AIDS, STD’s and unwanted pregnancies can happen even if the kids do not have full-on intercourse.

— Make sure kids know how to say "no," that it's OK to refuse any sexual suggestion, and that they are not uncool to do so.

— Swallow your unease. Your embarrassment is nothing compared to your kid getting pregnant or AIDS!

— Be senstive to your kids about feelings of shame. Make sure they understand that sexual feelings are normal and natural, and that you still have them.

— Make sure that kids know they can count on you if they get into ANY kind of trouble, without judgment or getting a lecture.

— LISTEN TO YOUR KIDS! Pretty basic, but may be the most important tips that adults can ignore. They understand they need to talk, but the listening — not so much.

In addition, it is important for all parents to know the correct terms and the anatomy of both genders. It is unbelievable, but it has been my experience that many adults have the same knowledge about sex as adolescents – they have not updated their own information in decades! Only give your kids correct information!

I also believe that no discussion about sex can omit a conversation about masturbation. Sexual impulses are natural, and masturbation is a safe-sex way to release those feelings in private, and for teens to learn about, and accept, their bodies.

Discussion about sexual identity has to be part of any conversation with kids. Believe me, kids will hear about homosexuality from other kids, and often that information is ugly and destructive. If children have begun to believe they are not heterosexual, the feelings of shame begin very, very early. Parents have to be conscious of what their kids are feeling, and observant, even if what you see is not something you may approve of, or want for them.

Unconditional love begins when parents embrace their children for who they are, including the sexuality, and realize that a lot of the rules have changed. Arm your kids with information on how to keep safe, as well as explaining the emotions that occur with even casual sexual contact.

Unwanted pregnancies, AIDS and other STD’s are not the only sexual minefields all kids have to cross. Peer pressure, even rape; poor body image; sexual identity; and even broken hearts are just some of the others. Whew! I am often glad that I do not have young children in this day and age.

— The Curator

The Duke Blue Devils and Sex Toys -- YES!

At Duke University, a school that likes to tout its cutting-edge research, a sex toy study being conducted by a behavioral economist and student health workers has roused criticism from the clergy.

For much of October, researchers recruited female Duke students to take part in a "sexually explicit" study on Tupperware-style parties in which sex toys, not kitchenware, are the draw.

The ads, which were posted around campus and on a research study Web site, sought female students at least 18 years old to "view sex toys and engage in sexually explicit conversation with other female Duke students."

Participants will be asked to complete online questionnaires about their sexual attitudes and behaviors and visit the lab for a "one-hour party" with seven or eight women. Not only will the students be asked to complete a second questionnaire a couple of months later, they will receive a gift bag, and be given the opportunity to purchase items at a significantly reduced rate, according to the ad.

The study is being led by Dan Ariely, the James B. Duke professor of behavioral economics in the Fuqua School of Business. He declined to discuss the purpose of the research, saying it could taint the results. A spokesman for Duke said the sex-toy party project went through the peer review process.

Father Joe Vetter, director of the Duke Catholic Center, was so troubled by the ads that he contacted Ariely, the professor of behavioral economics at the Duke business school, and senior fellow at the Duke Kenan Institute for Ethics involved in the study.

"My understanding is there is a concern on campus about promiscuity," Vetter said.

In recent years, some university health centers have touted sex toys as alternatives to risky sexual behavior and serial promiscuity. The study, Vetter said, was designed by health care workers to see whether such approaches work.

"I'm concerned about promiscuity also," Vetter said. "And to be honest, I don't have the solution...My concern is these students are in this developmental phase, and I don't think it's a good developmental practice to just tell somebody to just sit around and masturbate. I don't think that promotes relationships."

Vetter hopes to take up the topic on Sunday with students. He wrote for the Sunday bulletin: "Can We Talk About Sex in Church?"

Efforts to reach Ariely and others in charge of the research project were unsuccessful. The ad no longer appears on the Web site, Duke officials say, because the study is filled and is no longer accepting volunteers.

Michael Schoenfeld, Duke's vice president for public affairs, said research is an important part of the university's mission. All studies using human subjects go through a rigorous peer review process before they can begin, he said.

"Not all research will make people comfortable. In fact, there's a lot of things, there are a lot of questions, there are a lot of issues that are studied at a university that make people uncomfortable," Schoenfeld said. "That's how we get an understanding of things like ethics (and) behavior."

Academic freedom and the need for research doesn't shake Vetter's belief that Duke would be better off ending the sex toy study.

"It's not fostering relationships, and it seems to me that one of the things that we want young people to do is to figure out how to have deep, intimate friendships and relationships," he said. "I would draw the line at a different place. I don't think that it's a good idea."

Sophomore Taylor Sites said she heard about the study from her roommate and said she didn't see anything wrong with it.

"Anyone who is interested, sure, why not?" Sites said. "(It's) not that big of a deal."

Graduate student Christopher Nafis said he was surprised Duke would conduct such a study.

"I wouldn't think college students would be particularly interested in that kind of thing," Nafis said. "It seems like it might be embarrassing for a lot of people to talk publicly about what kind of sex toys they are buying."

"I think it can give the impression that the university is endorsing behavior that I don't think the university should endorse," Vetter said. "I don't think that's the intention of the university, but I think it can be perceived that way."


(“In recent years, some university health centers have touted sex toys as alternatives to risky sexual behavior and serial promiscuity. The study was designed by health care workers to see whether such approaches work.” Bravo to the Duke Blue Devils! I think studies that try to find the truth, especially from young adults, about their sexual behavior to better improve and promote safe sex should be lauded, not attacked! Behavioral studies do not INFLUENCE human behavior they RECORD it, for God’s sake. Should we do nothing to learn and just accept more and more unwanted pregnancies, AIDS, and other STD's? Time we stopped being so freaked out by anything and everything related to the most natural human act there is. The conservative right has had way more than their 15 minutes of fame. It’s time we make decisions that are in people’s best interest, not mindlessly follow in lock-step behind anyone who claims they speak on behalf of religion!

— The Curator)