National Coming Out Day — Stand Up to Hate

In the wake of vicious anti-gay violence and hatred in New York, New Jersey, anti-gay rioting in Serbia, and blatant homophobic comments by a gubernatorial candidate, it seems more important than ever that today is National Coming Out Day.

So, first things first, let me be very, very clear: I’m bisexual! I’M BISEXUAL, and proclaim it again today. We need to stop the violence and hate, and the only way to do that is to foster understanding and acceptance. Gays need to stand together in solidarity, and people of all sexual persuasions need to speak out consistently and forcefully against homophobia in all of its ugly guises.

I am deeply saddened even sickened by the recent anti-gay hate crimes that have sparked headlines across the globe, and has also rocked gay rights groups as well as every person with even a shred of humanity.

I am also appalled at homophobic remarks made yesterday by New York Republican gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino who actually read from a prepared statement saying that homosexuality isn't an "equally successful or valid option" to heterosexuality.

Paladino, who has gotten support from the Tea Party movement, spoke at a campaign appearance in the Williamsburg section of the Borough of Brooklyn to a gathering of religiously and socially conservative Hasidic Jews.

The Republican was trying to draw contrasts with his opponent, Democrat Andrew Cuomo, New York State's Attorney General. Sadly, Paladino used his deep opposition to gay marriage as one area of difference. Shockingly, Paladino went much further than that saying:

“...We must stop pandering to the pornographers and the perverts who seek to target our children and destroy their lives.

I didn't march in the gay parade this year, gay pride parade this year. My opponent did. And that's not the example that we should be showing our children. Certainly not in our schools.

And don't misquote me as wanting to hurt homosexual people in any way. That would be a dastardly lie. My approach is live and let live.

I just think my children and your children would be much better off and more successful getting married and raising a family. And I don't want them to be brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid or successful option.”

At another point in his prepared remarks, Paladino verbally cuffed Cuomo for bringing his daughters to the gay pride parade.

Meanwhile, several news sources reported that Paladino's speech as written contained even more anti-gay language that he apparently decided not to deliver.

Whew. Clearly, Paladino’s idiotic and harmful language does more than just "hurt homosexual people in any way."

His comments underscore the current of homophobia (bigotry) that if left unabated can eventually build into a tsunami of hatred that destroys and even kills innocent people simply because of their sexuality.

Guess what, Mr. Paladino? Gays don’t “brainwash” the innocent into a cult of perversion, it’s ignorant bigots like you who do that. Your hate-talk, just like all blatant prejudice, sends a very clear message that anti-gay behavior and speech is OK, accepted and even encouraged. Shame on you, Mr. Paladino, and shame on everyone agrees, but is smart enough not to articulate it.

Even our mainstream language reflects this growing anti-gay trend. The phrase, something’s “so gay” has been the ultimate damaging cut down, cop out and insult among teens and others in recent years, along with many others.

Science is sooo gay! Translation, "I find science boring." You are such a fag! Translation, "I think you are stupid." You queer! Translation, "You are crazy." The words gay, fag and queer fly between teenagers as insults and descriptors. However, this isn't innocent badgering, it's also building a hurtful bias of bigotry within our society that is potentially damaging self-esteem and destroying personal responsibility.

Breaking the prejudicial cycle requires immediate, intelligent parent reaction. It also requires sensitive adult reaction if you hear someone who should know better repeat the anti-gay slurs.

A woman in Serbia commenting on the anti-gay rioting at a gay pride parade explained it best, "When you develop that mentality of us and them, and we hate them and we fight them, then in the end you always find somebody who is unlike you to fight."

I find it astounding that I actually have to present a roundup of recent anti-gay atrocities because there have been so many:

— The most violent of the incidents occurred in the Bronx, when a group of Hispanic gang members of the Latin King Goonies allegedly tortured two teenage boys and a man in anti-gay attacks earlier in the month.

Yesterday, eight teenage and adult males were arraigned in Bronx Criminal Court on a range of charges including sexual assault, robbery, unlawful imprisonment, intimidation and hate crimes. Two were held in lieu of $100,000 bond, and the others were held without bond. Police said a ninth member of the gang was still at large.

Police said the attack happened Oct. 3 after the gang members heard a rumor that one of their recruits was gay. They allegedly found the teen, stripped him, and beat and sodomized him with a plunger handle until he confessed to having had sex with a 30-year-old local man in the neighborhood.

The gang members next allegedly hunted down a second teen they suspected was gay and also tortured him, police said. Then they allegedly lured the 30-year-old man to an abandoned house by inviting him to a party there. The suspected allegedly burned, beat and tortured him for hours, and sodomized him with a miniature baseball bat, police said.

The man, a gay Hispanic immigrant known in his Bronx neighborhood as "la Reina" Spanish for "the Queen,” was the most severely brutalized of the three victims.

— Those horrible attacks came on the heels of another anti-gay beating that also occurred on Oct. 3. A D.C. gay man was attacked in New York’s at Stonewall Inn, site of the historic 1969 protests that many credit for launching the modern gay rights movement.

Ben Carver, a Shaw resident who works in communications, was in New York for a weekend of leisure with his boyfriend. He was allegedly harassed by two straight men in the restroom who asked him for money, called him a faggot and struck him multiple times. He fought back and was able to get away. Carver’s boyfriend called 911 and chased the attackers as they fled the bar. They were apprehended a short time later.

New York police have charged 21-year-old Matthew Francis, and 17-year-old Christopher Orlando, both of Staten Island, in the attack. They face charges of third-degree assault as a hate crime and attempted robbery.

— There have also been a string of suicides attributed to anti-gay bullying, including a New Jersey college student's Sept. 22 plunge off the George Washington Bridge in New York after his sexual encounter with a man in his dorm room was secretly streamed live online by his dorm roommate.

The body of Rutgers University freshman, Tyler Clementi, was recovered from the Hudson River. Clementi, only 18, was also an accomplished violinist.

Police charged his roommate, Dharun Ravi, 18, with privacy violations and related offenses, for using "the camera to view and transmit a live image." Ravi allegedly activated his camcorder that captured Clementi and an unnamed man from another computer in the Rutger’s dorm room of a friend of Ravi’s, Michelle “Molly” Wei, whose room was across the hall. Wei, 18, has also been charged with the same spying offenses. They may also be charged with hate crime offenses.

— Two days before Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's visit to Belgrade, the city erupted in a wave of violence yesterday.

Thousands of homophobic bigots tried to break up a gay pride march, clashing with anti-riot police. More than 110 officers were injured and more than 200 rioters arrested in what was a test for the Serbian government to show it can protect human rights.

Running battles lasted hours, as the protesters and nationalist right-wingers hurled Molotov cocktails and bricks at police. Cars were set on fire, shops were looted and a mobile breast cancer detection unit was destroyed.

Roughly 5,600 policemen were deployed in four concentric cordons to keep marchers far away from rioters who were chanting "Death to Homosexuals!"

Throughout the Balkans, it is an understatement that societies have been slow in accepting gay rights.

As gay supporters with rainbow peace flags gathered, lawyer Mrko Tipkovic could not hide his disgust for homosexuality.

"It is highly morbid," Tipkovic said. "Medicine says so, psychologists and psychiatrists say it is morbid. New age is total catastrophe."

Interior Minister Ivica Davic said it's very worrisome that among the 6,000 well-organized rioters, more than one half were under 18 years of age.

Radmila Stojanovic, who came to show her solidarity with the marchers, said violence is a legacy of strongman Slobodan Milosevic.

"This country has been at war hating this nation, that nation, this group, that it perpetuates itself," Stojanovic said. "When you develop that mentality of us and them, and we hate them and we fight them, then in the end you always find somebody who is unlike you to fight."

Under intense security, some 1,000 gay pride marchers were ushered into a park. There was a large contingent of foreigners, western diplomats and journalists.

Many gays stayed home for fear of being recognized by their neighbors and employers.

Ivana Howard of the Washington-based National Endowment for Democracy says there are several factors that encourage homophobia: "Violent politicians who themselves use hate speech. The church is playing a very negative role portraying homosexuality as a disease, so it is hard to expect of an average citizen to understand why this is important and why these citizens have equal rights like everyone else."

A woman who goes by the name of Kosmogina wore a T-shirt reading: "Nobody Knows I'm A Lesbian."

"It is very difficult to show feelings, relationships," Kosmogina said. "Just holding hands, kissing, it is dangerous here in Serbia, it is dangerous."

Cheering and blowing whistles, marchers took a brief walk around government buildings on empty streets secured by thousands of police flanked by armored vehicles.

Dutch gay activist Frank Van Dalen helped organize this first Serbian gay pride event in nine years. In 2001, police stood by as hooligans beat many marchers to a pulp.

"This is a small step," Van Dalen said. "But it will take many years before every single gay and lesbian in this country can be out and open in the pride."

The festivities were abruptly cut short when police ordered an immediate evacuation.

Dozens of police vans — usually used to transport prisoners — were put at marchers' disposal. Locked inside, in complete darkness, they were escorted to safety.

— The Curator

We Still Have a Very Long Way to Go

Two incidents in New York this week underscore the ongoing turmoil within our society over homosexuality: The state’s highest court heard arguments that could have profound effects on the battle over same-sex marriage, and an openly gay man was beaten almost to death in a homophobic hate crime.

The victim, Jack Price, 49, was beaten by two men outside a 24-hour deli in College Point, Queens, early Friday. Police believe the attack on Price was a homophobic assault because his two male attackers shouted anti-gay slurs as they beat him senseless. The vicious assault was captured on the deli’s outdoor surveillance camera.

Price’s injuries were so severe that he was placed in a medically-induced coma, but fortuately awoke on Wednesday and is coherent, according to his family. He suffered broken ribs, a fractured jaw and a lacerated spleen. His condition has been described as serious but stable.

One suspect, Daniel Aleman, 26, was arrested on Sunday and charged with assault and aggravated assault as a hate crime. He faces 15 years in prison if convicted.

The second suspect, Daniel Rodriguez, 21, was arrested and taken into custody late Tuesday. He was found in Norfolk, Virginia, and was being returned to New York. He is expected to face the same charges.

Ironically, earlier in the day, the New York State Court of Appeals heard emotional arguments in two separate same-sex marriage cases that it is considering jointly. Both cases were brought by organizations opposed to gay marriage.

The civil cases concern relatively narrow executive and administrative orders pertaining to the extension of benefits, like health insurance to certain same-sex spouses. These same-sex spouses are of government employees who married in jurisdictions where such marriages are legal.

In one of the cases, opponents of same-sex marriage are challenging a 2007 policy, adopted by the New York State Department of Civil Service, that extended health insurance benefits to the same-sex partners of state and local government employees who married in states that allow such marriages.

In the other case, opponents are seeking to overturn an administrative order issued in 2006 by Andrew J. Spano, the Westchester County executive, directing county officials to recognize same-sex unions performed elsewhere.

A broad enough ruling by the Court of Appeals could force New York state businesses and local governments to recognize out-of-state marriages between same-sex couples, effectively legalizing the unions of thousands of New Yorkers who were married in Vermont, Iowa, parts of Canada and other places where same-sex marriage is legal.

(Can you even imagine how gay marrieds must feel if they move and the government says: Whoops, sorry, the vows you took under God and witnessed by man mean nothing at all!)

The plaintiffs in both cases are being represented by the Alliance Defense Fund, a very conservative legal-advocacy group based in Scottsdale, Ariz., whose lawyers have argued that state officials and Spano exceeded their authority. Lower courts have sided with state and local officials in the two cases, upholding the extension of those benefits to same-sex couples.

The fund is also coordinating the legal fight against a much broader executive order on gay unions that NY Gov. David A. Paterson issued in 2008. It required all state agencies to revise their policies and regulations to recognize gay couples legally married out of state.

While the legal challenge to Paterson’s order has not yet reached the Court of Appeals, questioning by the court’s judges during arguments in these two narrower cases raised the possibility that they might leapfrog to the larger question raised in all three cases: Whether New York must recognize same-sex marriages performed elsewhere, even though such unions are not recognized in New York.

“I guess what I’m struggling with is, the marriage-recognition rule would not be unique to state government,” said Judge Victoria A. Graffeo, referring to the legal doctrine under which most marriages legally performed in one state are generally recognized in other states. “That would also apply to the private sector, then, if our court indicates that the marriage-recognition rule requires the recognition of these marriages.”

In 2006, the court ruled 4 to 2 that gay couples had no right to get married under existing state law or the State Constitution, holding that limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples was based on legitimate societal goals, primarily the protection and welfare of children.

Paterson introduced legislation this year that would legalize gay marriage, making it one of his top legislative priorities. The bill passed in the Assembly but has stalled in the Senate. A decision by the Court of Appeals requiring New York to recognize out-of-state gay marriages would provide gay-marriage advocates, who have been campaigning to legalize same-sex marriages in New York, with a significant victory.

But during Tuesday’s questioning, Appellate Judge Robert S. Smith noted that courts, when presented with the choice of issuing a narrow or a broad ruling, usually favored a narrower one.

“We’ll get the next case soon enough,” Judge Smith said, in what appeared to be a reference to the challenge to Paterson’s order.

Brian W. Raum, a lawyer for the plaintiffs, suggested that he would prefer a broad ruling that would block state officials from recognizing gay marriages of any kind, absent approval by the Legislature.

“We don’t think” that the state civil service agency or the Westchester executive have “the authority to recognize same-sex marriages from other jurisdictions for any purpose,” Raum said.

In the violent assault, Price was attacked as he went for a pack of cigarettes, and remains in the intensive care unit at Booth Memorial Hospital.

"Look what they did to him because he is gay," Price's sister-in-law said, standing in his hospital room. "It is in God's hands right now. There is nothing more they can do for him."

The 5-foot-6, 130-pound man has been near death since the Friday, 3 a.m., beating when the two men jumped him outside the 24-hour corner deli on College Point Boulevard.

Price never hid his sexual orientation from neighbors. His relatives think the two assailants recognized him, and then attacked outside the deli.

"They were walking in the store calling him a 'faggot,'" said Price's sister-in-law, who asked not to be named.

Price told his family about the ordeal from his hospital bed Friday, before losing consciousness.

(Will this madness never end? This issue hurts my heart so much I always feel inadequate in expressing myself. How a person’s innate sexuality affects anyone beyond their bed-partner remains lost on me. I will say what I do know: Sexuality is not a choice, it’s biological. Goddess, God, Creator, Allah or whatever Higher Power you believe in, created each and every human being, gay, bi or straight. Thus, homosexuality is as much a gift from that Higher Power as is being straight. It is not a religious issue, any more than your drive to slake your thirst or fill your stomach with food. Biology is neutral. Why do we insist on tearing at each other, so?)