Marilyn Monroe and Me! Who Knew?

Marilyn Monroe, who would have been 85 years old today and arguably still the most iconic sex symbol, apparently had a very surprising secret: The inability to orgasm!

She was rescued from this horror by learning how to masturbate. Difficult to believe, but I actually have something in common with Marilyn!

Sadly, masturbation has been much maligned in our society, especially when it involves its practice by women. As a disabled woman with a progressive disease, I can assure you that I have ONLY been able to hold onto my sexuality — at all — because of masturbation.

Solo sex (and it is REAL sex) allows me to function when partner-sex is too physically difficult, if not downright impossible at times because of my disease, and some of the medications I take. Masturbation protects and reinforces my Divine birthright as an honestly sensual, sexual woman.

As a sex-positive blogger, I remain dedicated to promoting all healthy sexual practices — especially masturbation, which is, afterall, the safest sex there is! Thus, I am reposting a blog in its entirety by LilithLand whose post appeared on the fabulous website of Dr. Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross. Betty has championed masturbation for decades as an award-winning author and sex educator, and continues to do so with her expected wit and verve.

Please read LilithLand's post below or directly and the Dodson and Ross website:

Marilyn Monroe the 20th Century's Greatest Sex Symbol was Pre-Orgasmic

By LilithLand
(Finishing my doctoral dissertation on female sexualdysfunction and sexual satisfaction)

May 26:
"You said there was an obstacle in my mind that prevented me from having an orgasm; that it was something that happened early in my life about which I felt so guilty that I did not deserve to have the greatest pleasure there is;...That it was buried in my unconscious. Through analysis we would bring it to my conscious mind where we could get to the guilt and free me to be orgasmic. Well, we sure worked it and got nowhere. I'd go home and cry and vomit from the frustration."

-Marilyn Monroe

The above paragraph is part of a transcript made from tapes Marilyn Monroe allegedly recorded for her psychoanalyst, Dr. Ralph Greenson, not long before her death. LA prosecutor Joseph Minor was probing into Marilyn's death, and he compiled the transcript from tapes Greenson handed over as part of the investigation.

No one knows for a fact that they are legit, but Minor was a credible, though solitary witness. I kind of think that the tapes are authentic. There's too much in them that feels like a real woman speaking.

In these tapes she talks about many things — her feelings about herself, her body, Lawrence Olivier (he was an arrogant prick) — and the fact that she couldn't orgasm until shortly before her death.

Yep, the twentieth century's greatest sex symbol was anorgasmic.

That's the current, politically correct.term; her analyst would have called her frigid back in 1962, and as the quote makes plain, it weighed heavily on her. Though she never won an Oscar, apparently her bedroom performances were worthy of one — a fact that she wryly acknowledges to her shrink.

"Speaking of Oscars," she says, "I would win overwhelmingly if the Academy gave an Oscar for faking orgasms. I have done some of my best acting convincing my partners I was in the throes of ecstasy."

She was a goddess. A woman's whose bountiful, Rubenesque curves got the entire world off, but she never came. Everybody got off, but poor Marilyn — her lovers, her husbands, the guy who watered her lawn, even Joan Crawford. According to the tapes, Marilyn had a onetime sapphic encounter with the legendary "Mommy Dearest" during which Crawford had a thunderous orgasm (she was a "shrieker"), and during which there were most assuredly no wire hangers in sight.

Greenson was a psychoanalyst, and so Marilyn's initial therapy consisted of free-association (saying whatever comes to mind). The process is supposed to work kind of like a therapeutic version of Drano — blasting away psychological blocks so the analysand can "turn hysterical misery into common unhappiness" (Freud's exact words).

Sound's fun.

I can't help but have this mental image of Marilyn propped up on her analyst's couch, blond curls spread on the pillow, and in a feathery, little girl voice free-associating like a bat shit fiend (...let's see, orgasm makes me think of organ... and organ makes my think of prick...um... and that makes me think of my ex-husband who was one...you know..). But I digress...

Not surprisingly, it didn't work. Not matter how much emotional sludge she pulled out of the convoluted drainpipe of her unconscious (an unconscious that housed such traumas as parental abandonment and childhood sexual abuse), it wasn't enough to torpedo through her anorgasmia.

But lucky for her, Greenson hit on a novel idea (novel for a psychoanalyst anyway, not novel for any woman with a right hand). Dispensing with the Drano, he told her to masturbate. And just in case she got lost, he gave her a road map. That is, explicit instructions as to how to actually accomplish this task. It's no exaggeration to say that this advice was a revelation for Marilyn. Finally, a breakthrough:

"'By now I've had lots of orgasms. Not only one, but 2 and 3 with a man who takes his time.

I never cried so hard as I did after my first orgasm. It was because of the years I had ...never had an orgasm.

What wasted years. How can I describe to you, a man, what an orgasm feels like to a woman. I'll try.

Think of a light fixture with a rheostat control. As you slowly turn it on, the bulb begins to get bright, then brighter and brighter and finally in a blinding flash is fully lit. As you turn it off it gradually becomes dimmer and at last goes out.

It is so good ... Doctor, I worship you."'

I think Marilyn makes an amazing case study on this issue. Our culture consistently equates desirability in women with the ability to desire. Indeed, women often confuse the two themselves and assume if they were thinner, had better breasts, they would have better sex. But the fact is being sexy looking, according to social norms, has nothing to do with feeling sexual.

I find it an ironic metaphor that the 20th century's greatest sex symbol was a woman who was both infertile and anorgasmic. How appropriate. Over the last century, sex has become increasingly disassociated with reproduction but not necessarily more associated with female pleasure.

According to the National Health and Social Life Survey, around 24% of women have problems experiencing orgasm (other studies have put the figure lower). The DSM-IV (the diagnostic guide of the mental health field) refers to this issue as female orgasmic disorder.

Generally, there are two flavors for your displeasure: generalized (no orgasm under any circumstances) and situational (orgasm occurs under certain conditions but not others e.g., masturbation but not partner sex, with Joe but not with Bob, or the planets have aligned, the moon is blue, and Johnny Depp is your midnight pal ). Marilyn had the generalized variety.

The New View Campaign has an interesting way to conceptualize women's sexual issues. Rather than focusing on limited diagnostic classifications, they look at the situation more holistically, including both medical and socio-cultural factors. So, using Marilyn as a case study, here's how it works:

1. Sexual Problems due to Sociocultural, Political, or Economic Factors:

Being a follower of Freud's (the original father of the vaginal orgasm) probably didn't help Marilyn's sex life much. Traditional psychoanalysis regards the clit as a child's play toy to be put aside when a girl sprouts boobs. At that point, it's time to come like a "real" woman- vaginally. The fact that Marilyn didn't learn to masturbate until she was 36 tells me that she was probably too indoctrinated by a theory (and a clitaphobic culture that denied her sexual reality) to take charge of her sexuality. Most likely, she was too afraid of getting fixated on her clitoris.

Plus, Hollywood regarded her as a joke. She was seldom given the parts that she desired as an actress, and instead was stuck playing humiliating roles that made her look like a fool. Her sexuality was her meal ticket. And Marilyn, like many women, may have looked at it as a way to get things: love, attention, work, money, fame. In other words, it was a commodity to be traded - not something for herself to be enjoyed.

2. Sexual Problems Relating to Partner and Relationship:

I don't know much about Marilyn's relationships, but with three divorces, it's safe to say that they may not have been very satisfying. She picked extraordinarily successful men who were from very different worlds than her own, which isn't usually a recipe for a harmonious marriage. People tend to do better with partners like themselves.

3. Sexual Problems due to Psychological Factors:

Marilyn had a history of sexual abuse, a mentally ill mother, an absentee father, problems with infertility, and three husbands — that's a lot to deal with. She grew up in foster homes and as an adult had problems with depression and substance abuse. Her death was officially ruled a suicide, but Minor didn't believe she killed herself. But that's a whole other kettle of worms.

The fact is feeling like "a candle in the wind", without a strong center, doesn't make it very easy to be sexually authentic. To fully own your sexuality takes tremendous inner strength. And sex is the female Achilles' heel — a weak point that's pushed to the side when issues like relationship stability, or economic security are more important.

I am glad to know that Marilyn didn't die without ever knowing how to orgasm. I sometimes wonder what her life would have been like if she had lived. Would she have won an Oscar, married again, adopted? At least, she would have had some ownership over her sexuality, and maybe that would have empowered her.

Who knows, maybe she would have run for president."'

Here's LilithLand's profile:

"Hi, I am a single, graduate student who is finishing up her doctoral dissertation on the subject of female sexual dysfunction (FSD) and sexual satisfaction. Sex, particularly female sexuality, is something that has always fascinated me since I was 14 and read my first book on the subject: The Hite Report.

Boy, was that an eye opener, prior to that book I had never heard the word clitoris. I had my first orgasm through masturbation within days of reading her book. I have worked as both a counselor and a college instructor. I am also hoping to turn my dissertation into a book on female sexual dissatisfaction. I would love to find participants for both my book and my dissertation. My blog is http://www.lilithland.net."

— The Curator

Just What the Heck IS a 'Fuck Saw'?

Recently, I reported on the trouble that a respected human sexuality professor got into because he conducted a live after-school demonstration of a woman's orgasm with a man using a sex toy on her.

I'm following up that account because I received a surprising and unprecedented number of questions regarding the story. Why surprising? Because each of the questions were regarding the sex toy, none of them related to the actual story!

Just what was the sex toy that generated the questions: A 'Fuck Saw.' That's right, a Fuck Saw. Frankly, I had never heard of the darn thing before the university story, so I researched it. It has quite a cult following. I have included details below. [Note: You can find it easily as a package, or separately by its parts on the Internet to purchase, so I haven't provided any sales links.]

I am quoting from the manufacturer's description:

"The Fuck Saw is a very special hand held fucking machine that can fuck really hard using the motion and six different speeds of a reciprocating saw. The special red rod is a Saw Vac-U-Lock Adapter that attaches to the saw in place of a blade. The Vac-U-Lock dong attachment then slips over the rod. You hold it like a gun, and drill into the ass or vagina with powerful and steady force."

Let me be VERY clear — this device is a mechanical fucking machine, NOT a vibrator. Most of the websites demonstrate it using two people, one w-elding the machine, the other being, well, wielded — but it may be able to be used for solo-sex too, if you could figure out how to anchor it securely.

It has been primarily popular within the gay and BDSM communities, but is gaining appreciation by hetero-couples, too. I watched the videos, and can't believe that most women would be able to orgasm from it, since it simply provides serious vaginal stimulation and nothing clitoral.

However, the concept is appealing to a lot of couples because traditional mechanical fucking machines are generally quite cost prohibitive, but this may be within their budgetary...um...constraints.

The Real Saw

Description of Chicago Electric Power Tools 65570, Reciprocating Saw [There are other power tool brands that also produce this saw]

Handle rotates completely through 180° with five positive stops at 0, 45° and 90° left, and 45° and 90° right for comfortable and controlled cutting from any angle.

• Powerful 6 amp motor with a variable speed trigger goes from 0 to 2500 strokes per minute for precision cutting or speed
• Shoe plate pivots up to 30° for increased stability
• 1/2" twist-lock blade chuck for fast, easy blade changes
• 7/8" stroke length
• Rubber grip for comfort and durability
• Includes a 24 TPI metal-cutting blade and a 10 TPI woodcutting blade

Overall dimensions: 18" L x 3-7/16" W x 6-3/4" H, Shipping Weight: 6.50 lbs.

[Note: This saw, sold separately, retails for about $30-$40.]

The Adapter With Changeable Dildo

The Reciprocating Saw Vac-U-Lock Adepter, which retails at about $80 without shipping, turns a reciprocating saw into a hand held fucking machine with a Vac-U-Lock dildo attached to the end. The adapter works with all Vac-U-Lock Toys. One end of the adepter fits into the saw in place of a blade and the other end is shaped to fit all Vac-U-Lock toys.

The adapter is chrome and glossy red and constructed from unbendable steel. The Vac-U-Lock Dildo attachments are sold separately.

When purchased together, the Fuck Saw retails between $170 and $200 without shipping. The package includes the reciprocating saw, a Vac-U-Lock Dong and a red Saw Vac-U-Lock Adapter. The reciprocating saw weighs a total of 6.70 lbs. Without the rod and dong attachments it has a total length of 16½". It is 3½” wide and the maximum height is 6” at the handle. The extension safety cord for the Fuck saw is 80” long.

The realistic Vac-U-Lock Dong (sadly for vaginal health, most are made of unappealing rubber) attachment goes onto the Saw Vac-U-Lock Adapter. The red saw adapter is glossy and constructed from unbendable steel. It is 9” in total length, and the 3-part segmented end is 3½” with a 5½” attachment stem. The adapter has a 3.25” circumference and a 1” diameter.

The Vac-U-Lock dildo in most package sales is a slim and natural shape and color made of rubber, which generally has an insertable length of 7¼” and a 1½” diameter.

The blade stroke is 7/8”. The six speeds are variable and go between 0-2500 SPM (strokes per minute).

"This sex machine is cool looking and hard core. The Fuck Saw supplies a great machine powered fuck."

To each their own!

— The Curator

Project Desire — A Personal Update

Sadly, my Mojo remains a no-show.

I have Lupus, which I refer to as “Mr. Wolf,” because lupus is the Latin word for wolf, and because it has devastated my life sufficiently to have more than earned his own pronoun.

A recent insurance nightmare forced me off of a key medication because of cost. It’s an injectable bio-medication that alters my cells so that my immune system is less whacky. Eventually, the medication was restored but not until I’d gone off of it for about three months and gotten really, really sick. I was thrilled to have the medicine again but something unexpected and unpleasant – ’natch – happened. I suffered and am suffering from horrendous side-effects. It had never occurred to me that would happen simply by resuming the medication, since I’d used it for about 10 years.

I have endured the nausea, aches, hot flashes (I’m 54 – well past menopause) and fainting spells like a trooper. But, the worst side-effect totally blind sided me: In the twinkling of an eye, my libido disappeared without even the courtesy of an adieu!

Frankly, desire has never been a problem for me, at all. My sexual issues all related to being able to perform despite the physical limitations, disability, imposed by Mr. Wolf, which not only includes losing range of motion, a lot of pain, but also debilitating fatigue. So, I had no problem getting revved, but rather staying revved at certain...critical...times.

As regular readers know, sex has been saving my life – or more precisely, has helped me decide to hold onto it for as long as I can. When I’m having sex, I am no longer disabled. The pain and misery that has been Mr. Wolf’s calling card transcends into pleasure. Touch and intimacy has been my link to life, and to the divine. In those moments, I am my true self again. Not a disabled person on her way out, but a vibrant woman who was put on this planet for some purpose beyond her finite understanding. (I have always lived my life as a sex-positive person, but if I hadn’t, Mr. Wolf would have converted me at the very first orgasm!)

Now, desire seems a foreign concept. The doctor has said she does not know when my sexuality will reassert itself. I refused to accept that and launched Project Desire, in an attempt to rekindle the ’ole fire down below.

Thus far, re-igniting desire’s flame as been a very slippery – or in my case a very non-slippery – slope.

The usual suggestions to increase desire in women who have lost or lower libido don’t really apply to me, because I’ve lost it as a result of medication issues, not through poor self-image, or some other emotional factor.

What I have been doing is:

— Continuing my usual masturbation routine, making sure that I use plenty of vulva-friendly lube! I have been an enormous proponent of solo sex for decades. It allows women, who generally have little experience with it compared to men, to take charge of their own sexuality and needs. Masturbation can teach women how they like to be touched and what they don’t like. It also teaches how to accept and love our wondrous female bodies, especially if you’ve suffered abuse in the past (I was molested when I was a young girl.) I remain committed to masturbation, even if it doesn’t lead to orgasm, it is still a very erotic, sensual practice. FYI: Let me be very clear, masturbation is REAL sex!

— Reading erotica by my favorite authors including Alison Tyler, Alison's Wonderland, and Radclyffe, Trauma Alert. There are so many great women writers who pen erotica. If you’ve not taken time to read any of it, do yourself a favor and experiment. Read some reviews, then jump right in. There is something for everyone’s tastes, from mild romantic fare to hard-core, explicit, fetish, kink and everything in between. If you like to fantasize about BDSM but don’t want to actually try it, reading erotica with that theme might be the perfect solution.

— Watching female produced porn, including the fabulous Crash Pad series featuring the amazing Jiz Lee and others, and the erotic DVD’s by the Welcomed Consensus. Like masturbation, fewer women than men watch porn, but the number of adult women viewers is the largest growing demographic in the field. Just like reading erotica, there is porn for every person’s tastes.

(I’m bisexual, so I like erotica and porn that is either focused on straights, gays, or a combination of the two – isn’t that so cool!)

— Doing as much sensual touch, kissing and foreplay as possible. Receiving a massage can be both sensual and a pain-reliever for me. I love this, even if it doesn’t end up in bed.

The result of the above strategy? Thus far, my libido remains in very cold storage.

I hereby make the following promise: I refuse to just give up! Damn it to hell, Mr. Wolf can have my joints, and even my ability to walk, and eventually my life, but he will not take away my sexuality forever. He will not because I WILL NOT LET HIM! Period.

— The Curator

Real INTIMACY Takes HONESTY

Most faiths and secular paths alike encourage a mindful reflection back over the past year, usually coinciding with a sharp change of season.

In my religion, that mindful reflection occurs this month. It’s a time to take an honest stock of the emotional and physical “stores” of my life; a time to release behaviors that have outlived their usefulness, and to embrace new ones to improve it, as well as those that will enrich my interactions with others.

For millions around the world, this has become an annual tradition – even a Rite of sorts – to make New Year’s resolutions. For others, there is a time of “atonement” during the year specified within their individual religious/faith paths.

Whatever practice you follow, I would like to make a suggestion: When reflecting back over the year, don’t just think about how much money you made, or how much weight you gained and want to lose. But, take some time to really think about your life in terms of intimacy and sexuality.

Did you open yourself up, honestly and completely to your partner, or did you hold back and hold on to petty arguments that are festering and growing into what will become a hard shell of bitterness that will eventually enclose your heart? If you don’t have a partner, is that by conscious choice, or is there something within you that discourages that type of closeness – is it a fear of rejection, or a fear of acceptance?

When you take time to look inward, do so in private and without using a judgmental or critical eye. Do not be hard on yourself, or blame others, either. Just try really hard to “see” yourself in as unvarnished a way as possible. Think about what you believe, how you act, and how you want to improve your life. This is not an exercise in selfishness. See your life as linked to everyone else’s – how your behavior effects not just you, but everyone else around you, too.

One of the things that fascinates me about people in general, myself included, is our capacity to hold diametrically opposed values comfortably, without any cognitive dissonance whatsoever – we simply rationalize. We say that we are honest and declare that as a core value, but then act deceitfully or even treacherously in our private, and/or work lives. We allow ourselves these contradictory behaviors by saying our partner did something to deserve our withholding the truth for lies; or that we have to participate in backstabbing workplace “politics” or gossiping to further our careers, or to establish the financial security for our families.

But, does the end really justify the means when it comes to intimacy and sexuality? Is it acceptable to say anything to someone simply to get them into bed? Is it acceptable to withhold sex as a punishment in a domestic situation? Is it acceptable to have an abortion without involving the father in the decision, or even telling him about the pregnancy?

What about issues involving sexual identity. What does it do to your insides if you are bi-sexual, gay, lesbian or transgendered but are forced to live your life in the closet for fear of the emotional or physical reprisals if you disclose your true sexuality? If you are a parent, have you withdrawn your support, love and approval from your child, or even disowned them because of their sexual identity? You only have to go as far as the recent news headlines to know that homophobia has cut a swath of viciousness and hate crimes across the globe, as well as sparking suicides by victims of homophobic bullies.

Even our mainstream language reflects this growing anti-gay trend. The phrase, something’s “so gay” has been the ultimate damaging cut down, cop out and insult among teens and others in recent years, along with many others.

Science is sooo gay! Translation, "I find science boring." You are such a fag! Translation, "I think you are stupid." You queer! Translation, "You are crazy." The words gay, fag and queer fly between teenagers as insults and descriptors. However, this isn't innocent badgering, it's also building a hurtful bias of bigotry within our society that is potentially damaging self-esteem and destroying personal responsibility.

Breaking the prejudicial cycle requires immediate, intelligent parental reactions. It also requires sensitive adult reactions if you hear someone who should know better than repeat these anti-gay slurs.

A woman in Serbia commenting on the anti-gay rioting at a recent gay pride parade explained it best, "When you develop that mentality of us and them, and we hate them and we fight them, then in the end you always find somebody who is unlike you to fight."

How about you? If you are uncomfortable with a sexual identity that is not your own, can you admit that to yourself? If that level of discomfort has grown into real bigotry, can you admit that? Remember, this is not an exercise of blame, but of self-truth. No one but you will hear your answers, and no one but you can make changes if you are unhappy with them.

Then there’s sex. Are you good at giving and receiving pleasure? If not, can you tell your partner what you need, or ask them what they need and make these inquiries without recriminations or hurt feelings? It’s not about your inability or failure as a lover, it’s about honesty and achieving a level of comfort with your partner. To me, it’s about sharing your vulnerabilities, and giving each other heartfelt support.

In my experience, some women are able to give pleasure, but may have problems receiving it. It is difficult for them to let go and give themselves over completely to the sensations that their partners are creating within their bodies. If so, they may find it difficult to admit what’s going on to their partner, feeling there must be something wrong with them. As a result, the may fake orgasm, rather than talking about what’s really going on. If this is you, try to trust your partner enough to begin the discussion. And, if you are the partner hearing this issue for the first time, listen with compassion and without feeling that your love making skills are being criticized.

Some women may be unable to tell their partner what it is they like in bed, because they may not know themselves. If so, they might want to remedy that by experimenting with masturbation. Sadly, some women find masturbation even more uncomfortable to consider than being honest with their partners! I would encourage all women to explore their bodies, even if you’ve not masturbated and the mere thought of it makes you uncomfortable. If you do not know how your body works sexually, it is virtually impossible to be able to tell your partner. Masturbation would be a very positive resolution, indeed.

The lies I tell myself separate me from others, and interferes with deep, lasting intimacy with my partner. Begin your New Year with a closer relationship with everyone in your life – including yourself – by taking an unflinching look within.

— The Curator

New Sex Study Finds 'Orgasm Gap' Still Exists

Hoosier Nation will now be known for much more than college sports – S-E-X!

Researchers from the University of Indiana just released results after compiling the largest survey in decades of U.S. sexual behavior. Researchers documented sexual experiences and condom use by 5,865 Americans, aged from 14 to 94.

Results are from The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, which was published yesterday in a special edition of the Journal of Sexual Medicine. In fact, there was so much interest in the study that the website that posted it crashed today.

The most shocking revelation in the survey may be its reminder how little attention scientists in this country pay to this crucial dimension of human experience.

The survey is the first comprehensive study of sexual and sexual health-related behaviors undertaken in nearly two decades, and one of only a handful conducted since the pioneering but limited studies Alfred Kinsey published more than half a century ago.

This paucity of research helps explain the "sexually dysfunctional society" former U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders bemoans in her introduction to the new study. The voluminous data also should help everyone from parents to legislators make more informed decisions about a component of behavior that now impacts nearly a third of this country's health care expenditures.

What researchers found was both expected and surprising. Broadly, the survey results confirm that humans are sexual beings from cradle to grave and that Americans are sexually active for an ever greater portion of their lives. The results show that oral sex and masturbation are now prevalent across nearly every age cohort from 18 to 92, and that a wide range of practices once considered abhorrent are commonplace among Americans of every age, sexual orientation and relationship status.

Not surprisingly, researchers found a gender gap and a generation gap in the sex lives of Americans.

The survey results should particularly interest doctors studying sexually transmitted infections, which affect one in four women between 14 and 19 years of age, and unintended pregnancies, which account for more than half of all pregnancies in the U.S. Those results indicate both the efficacy of expanded sex education (sexually active teenagers are now more likely to use a condom than their Baby Boomer counterparts) and its limitations (more than 40 percent of such teenage condom users report starting sex without a condom).

"Our main point is that sex is more than just vaginal intercourse. While it does appear to be the most common behavior...many people are being diverse in their sexual lives," said Michael Reece, director of Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion and a study author.

It will also come as no surprise, that men continue to think they perform better than they really do in the bedroom. Some 85 percent of men said the last woman they slept with had an orgasm during their most recent sexual event. Yet when the researchers asked women the same question, just 64 percent agreed.

To me, this so-called “orgasm gap” means that sadly some women are continuing to “fake it” with their male partners. Apparently, the technique made famous by the movie Harry Met Sally remains in place.

Unfortunately, this behavior is being blamed by the “experts” on men stopping at pleasing themselves, without ensuring that their female partner is also satisfied. To illustrate the point, the study found that men are more likely to orgasm when sex includes vaginal intercourse, while women are more likely to orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts (also NO surprise.)

I find that analysis annoying, to say the least, and inappropriately anti-male. I think men are much more apt to try to satisfy their female partners in this day and age, but we women still have problems articulating our needs.

To me, both sexes need to do more than touch – they need to talk. Men need to learn the real, physical signs of orgasm in women so they won’t be fooled, and women need to tell men how they like, and need to be touched and try not to fool them. If women do not know how their individual bodies responds, then they need to do some personal research to find out, then convey that crucial information to their partners.

Extensive research confirms that most women orgasm more easily with a combination of sexual activities, more extensive foreplay and if intercourse is included, stimulation of the clitoris should also be included. A minority of women have been found to orgasm with intercourse only – and that has NOTHING to do with their male partner, but their own anatomy. Other researchers have found that the only nerve centers in the vagina extend only about three inches in, beyond that, there is no sensation.

Some good news from the new survey is that teenagers are much more vigilant about condom use, if they are having sex at all. The survey also found that a majority of teens are not having sex. Of course, all of the findings are based on self-reporting.

Among sexually active teenagers, boys said they used a condom 79 per cent of the time, while girls reported that their partners used one 58 per cent of the time. Again, an interesting gender difference.

Here are a few other findings:

• Friends with benefits? Nearly 17 percent of men ages 50 to 59 reported their last sexual experience was with a friend (compared with 13 percent for those 18-24). For women, 16 percent of those aged 18-24 said their last sexual experience was with a friend, compared with nearly 10 percent for those aged 50 to 59.
• Seven percent of women and 8 percent of men identified themselves as something other than heterosexual. Five percent of women identified themselves as lesbian or bisexual and just under 7 percent of men identified themselves as gay or bisexual.
• About 40 percent of men and women ages 25 to 39 say they have vaginal intercourse a few times a month to once a week.
• About 10 percent of women ages 18 to 39 masturbate alone two to three times a week. One in five men age 25 to 29 said they masturbated four or more times per week.
• About a third of young men 16 to 17 reported receiving oral sex from a female. Some 23.5 percent of young women 16 to 17 reported receiving oral sex in the last year from a male partner.
• Four in 10 men age 25 to 59 say they have engaged in anal intercourse in their lifetime; the female percentage was similar for women 20 to 49.
• One-fifth of married men in their 50s, and one third of married men in their 60s, have not had vaginal sex in the past year.
• Forty-three percent of men of all ages said their last sexual event was "extremely" pleasurable. Among women, 29 percent rated their last sexual experience as "extremely" pleasurable. About one in three women compared with 5 percent of men reported experiencing pain the last time they had sex.

The following is a commentary from Slate:

The Ass Man Cometh
Experimentation, orgasms, and the rise of anal sex.

By William Saletan

"A new national sex survey is out. Published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, it reveals who's doing what, with whom, and how. It clarifies the prevalence of gay sex, teenage intercourse, and oral gratification. But the big story is the increase in anal sex reported by women—and its possible connection to female orgasms.

Let's start with the foreplay: a few other trends worth noting.

1. What teens are doing. By ages 14-15, 10 percent of boys say they've had vaginal sex. By ages 16-17, the number is up to 30 percent. By ages 18-19, it's above 60 percent. For girls, the trajectory is almost identical. Oral sex follows a similar trend. At ages 14-15, 9 percent of boys say they've performed cunnilingus. By ages 16-17, 20 percent say they've done it, and by ages 18-19, 61 percent say they've done it. Among girls aged 14-15, the number who say they've given a boy oral sex is 13 percent. By ages 16-17, it's 29 percent. By ages 18-19, it's 61 percent. If you're turning 20 and you haven't gone down on somebody, you're in the minority.

2. Oral ubiquity. It's funny to look back at the previous national survey, taken in 1992. In that report, the authors marveled at the mainstreaming of oral sex. Now the whole question of its normality seems silly. By ages 25-29, eight of every nine women have performed fellatio, and half have done it in the past month. For men and cunnilingus, the numbers are only slightly lower. More people think the president is a Muslim than adhere to oral chastity.

3. Reciprocity. Women are getting as good as they're giving. By ages 25-29, 88 percent say they've received oral sex from a man, and 72 percent say they've received it in the last year. (Men confirm this: 86 percent say they've given it, 74 percent in the last year.) That's pretty close to the 91 percent of men aged 25-29 who say they've received oral sex from a woman, and the 77 percent who say they've received it in the past year.

4. Homosexuality. Apparently, a lot of people try gay sex, but only about half stick with it. By ages 18-19, 10 percent of men say they've performed fellatio. That number drops among men in their 20s and 30s. But among men in their 40s and 50s, 13 percent say they've done it, and 14 to 15 percent say they've received it from another man. Meanwhile, 11 percent of men aged 20-24 say they've received anal sex. For unknown reasons, that number declines in the next age bracket up but then steadily rises in succeeding brackets, leveling off at 9 percent among men in their 40s and 50s.

Remember, these are "have you ever" questions. When men aged 20 to 59 are asked whether they've performed fellatio in the past year, the number is more like 6 percent. And only 4 percent say they've received anal sex in that time. But that's a big jump from 1992, when only 2 percent of men admitted to sex with a man in the preceding year.

For women, the gap between trying gay sex and sticking with it is greater. From ages 20 to 49, the number who say they've performed cunnilingus ranges from 10 to 14 percent, but the number who say they've done it in the last year is more like a quarter of that.

5. Anal sex. Here's the big story. In 1992, 16 percent of women aged 18-24 said they'd tried anal sex. Now 20 percent of women aged 18-19 say they've done it, and by ages 20-24, the number is 40 percent. In 1992, the highest percentage of women in any age group who admitted to anal sex was 33. In 2002, it was 35. Now it's 46.

The last time I looked at the anal sex data, I figured that most women who reported having done it meant they'd tried it just once. I was wrong. If you push these women beyond the "have you ever" question, the numbers stay surprisingly high, and they're getting higher. In 1992, the percentage of women in their 20s and 30s who said they'd had anal sex in the past year was around 10 percent. Now that number has doubled to more than 20 percent, and one-third of these women say they've done it in the last month. Among all women surveyed, the number who reported anal sex in their most recent sexual encounter was 3 to 4 percent.

That's a lot of butt sex. And remember, this is what women are reporting. If anything, they're probably understating the truth.

So what's with all the buggery? Is it brutality? Coercion? A porn-inspired male fantasy at women's expense?

Apparently not. Check out the orgasm data. Among women who had vaginal sex in their last encounter, the percentage who said they reached orgasm was 65. Among those who received oral sex, it was 81. But among those who had anal sex, it was 94. Anal sex outscored cunnilingus.

No way, you say.

Way...

What could explain this? Taboo thrill? Clitoral migration? Some new kind of vegetable oil?

Here's my guess. Look carefully at (the data.) Only 6 percent of women who had anal sex in their last encounter did so in isolation. Eighty-six percent also had vaginal sex. Seventy-two percent also received oral sex. Thirty-one percent also had partnered masturbation. And the more sex acts a woman engaged in during the encounter, the more likely she was to report orgasm. These other activities are what gave the women their orgasms. The anal sex just came along for the ride.

So why did the inclusion of anal sex bump the orgasm figure up to 94 percent? It didn't. The causality runs the other way. Women who were getting what they wanted were more likely to indulge their partners' wishes. It wasn't the anal sex that caused the orgasms. It was the orgasms that caused the anal sex.

If anal sex is a trailing indicator of women's sexual satisfaction, then by all means, let's toast the new findings. Here's to you, Ladies. Bottoms up."

— The Curator

The Trouble is Not Getting it On — It's Getting it On the Air

Sadly, it appears that the very tired and offensive double-standard that labels women’s sexuality as taboo and men’s as expected and normal is still firmly in place – at least in terms of advertising.

A new female product, Zestra Essential Oils, which is a blend of botanical oils and extracts including Angelica, claims that it will enhance sexual arousal and even improve achieving orgasm in women.

The manufacturer claims the product is not having any trouble getting it on with its women users, but in getting it on the air via advertisers.

Semprae Laboratories, Zestra’s manufacturer, believes their ad has been rejected by a host of TV and other venues, including Facebook, because of our culture’s discomfort with women’s sexuality.

While it is almost impossible to watch nighttime TV without a barrage of male ads promoting Viagra and Cialis to treat erecticle dysfunction, complete with a frank warning about a four-hour erection, an ad promoting what Zetra may do has barely been seen.

Another product targeting the women sexuality market, KY Intense, has had its very frank ads aired without a problem. That product, with uses a compound including niacin to cause a warm, tingling feeling on the clitoris, only depicts a female and male couple in its advertisements. In those ads, the women use the product to get excited to have sex, and better sex, with the man.

Instead, the Zestra ad features middle-aged women discussing their loss of libido, and how the product has helped them regain a feeling of sexual arousal.

So, what is the problem? Like its manufacturer, I believe that the problem is that Zestra may truly be the first product ever marketed that places female pleasure first. Men are not necessary in this brave new world of women’s pleasure – lesbians take notice!

In addition some, including outspoken masturbation (solo-sex) proponent Whoppi Goldberg of The View, has noted that Zestra may be a true boon for women to receive sexual pleasure without any partner at all. All you need is a vulva and some Zestra – woohoo!

Underscoring this conclusion, is an article in the New York Times (which appears in full below) that points out that in an online ad for Zestra a woman says, “It works so well, when I think about it, it even makes me want to go home and use it now.” There are no men depicted anywhere in that segment.

[The above photograph is from the Zestra website, and is an example of what I believe is at the true basis of the real controversy.]

Here is the Zestra website's claim: “Better Sex, Effortlessly. Recommended by doctors, Zestra® is a safe, natural, easy-to-apply blend of botanical oils and extracts that works by heightening a woman's sense of touch. So you feel more during sex. Experience the Zestra Rush™ within minutes the first time — and every time — you use it.”

How does it work? Here’s what the website goes on to says: "Many women say that feelings of desire, arousal and sexual satisfaction do not happen as naturally as they would like. Zestra was developed to provide a much needed option for all women to feel more sexually satisfied.

Zestra is a safe, patented blend of botanicals oils and extracts, created to help women feel more — effortlessly. Topically applied Zestra works within minutes by heightening your sensitivity to touch – for deep, pleasurable sensations, sexual satisfaction and fulfillment.

After applying Zestra to the clitoris and labia, the effects – the Zestra Rush™ – begin for most women within 3 to 5 minutes and last for up to 45 minutes.”

Shame on advertisers for keeping women (underscore consumers) from taking the responsibility for their sexuality in their own hands, in the same way that marketers have allowed men to do since advertising was invented!

The following is the aforementioned New York Times article in its entirety below, or read it directly on its website:

For Female-Aphrodisiac Makers, Effort at Parity
By Abby Ellin

A woman in her early 40s pops up on the TV screen. “Women are starting to talk about something they have been feeling for a long time,” she says, “wanting more sexual satisfaction.”

Another woman, this one in her mid-50s says, “After I had my children, sex didn’t make me feel the same way.”

And a third, “I wish it were easier for me to feel aroused.” The two-minute ad for Zestra Essential Arousal Oils, a blend of botanical oils and extracts that promise to enhance sexual arousal for women, was created by ShadowBox Entertainment Pictures.

In an age of soul-bearing memoirs (adultery, addiction, incest) and frank discourse on male sexual concerns (impotence, size), the commercial is pretty tame: middle-age women discussing how they feel less than amorous. And when compared with a commercial for, say, Fire and Ice from Trojan, which features a couple racing into a 24-hour pharmacy to buy the product, it’s downright PG.

Still, Zestra has had a difficult time getting its ad approved to run on the air, meeting resistance from TV networks, national cable stations, radio stations, and even Web sites like Facebook and WebMD.

Rachel Braun Scherl, the president of Semprae Laboratories, which manufactures Zestra, believes it is because of the culture’s discomfort with women’s sexuality.

“The Cialises of the world are a perfectly acceptable part of conversation in our culture today, but when it comes to talking about the realities of women’s lives, like menstruation, you always have some woman running in the field in a dress,” Ms. Braun Scherl said. “In our experience, we haven’t seen women behaving that way. There’s a double standard when it comes to society’s comfort level with female sexual health and enjoyment.”

From May to December 2009, Ms. Braun Scherl and Mary W. Jaensch, Semprae’s chief executive, shopped the ad around to about 100 TV stations. With the exception of Soapnet Women’s Entertainment and Discovery Health, many either refused or placed certain parameters on the ads.

BET, for example would only broadcast the ad from 11 p.m. to 4 a.m. and 8 to 9 a.m. Some of the other networks required additions — which the company made — to add disclaimers like: “Not for people under 18.” But the bulk of the stations and networks indicated that there were no changes that could be made to render the ad appropriate.

Zestra did not fare any better with radio. In the spring, Ms. Braun Scherl and Ms. Jaensch hired Leibler-Bronfman Lubalin advertising, a Manhattan agency, to create a series of radio ads. Many stations told them to remove the words sex and arousal, which proved somewhat challenging for a product having to do with sexual arousal.

In the end, only KBAY in San Jose, Calif., and KMJQ in Houston ran the commercials; KBAB and KSCS, both in Texas, agreed to broadcast them from midnight to 6 a.m., “which is useless,” said Albert Romano, LBL’s media director. “It’s called the graveyard shift for a reason. What’s the point of running the spots if no one’s going to hear them?”

Beth Bronfman, LBL’s chief executive, agreed that a double-standard existed when marketing some products to women. “Have you ever listened to a Cialis commercial word for word?” Ms. Bronfman said. “ ‘An erection lasting more than four hours.’ Why is that O.K.?”

Zestra came close to being featured on the Web site WebMD’s sex and relationship section, which regularly posts advertorials on Viagra and erectile dysfunction, but the company ultimately received an e-mail saying that Zestra “did not fall in line with WebMD’s Best Practice Guidelines.” When Ms. Braun Scherl and Ms. Jaensch asked for clarification on what those practices were, they did not receive a response. Neither Eric Lloyd, the Web site’s director for strategic consumer partnerships, nor Kate Hahn, a spokeswoman for WebMD, returned phone calls or e-mails seeking comment.

An ad on Facebook that read “Zestra Essential Arousal Oils — Try Zestra for Free” was pulled after several weeks. Ms. Braun Scherl and Ms. Jaensch received an e-mail stating that Facebook did not allow “advertisements that contain or promote adult content” including “sexual terms and/or images.” The women said they were unsuccessful in reaching Facebook officials to discuss the ad. Representatives from Facebook did not return calls or e-mails.

“Double standards abound when it comes to advertising anything having to do with our private parts,” said Robert J. Thompson, a professor of television and popular culture at Syracuse. “Commercials for erectile dysfunction products, which discuss not only sex but the hydraulic processes involved in having sex have played during major venues like the Super Bowl. They boldly tout male sexual pleasure as a commodity: an erection in a bottle.”

The difference with Zestra is that it “places female pleasure first, and even seems to suggest that this pleasure can be had with or without the presence of a man,” Mr. Thompson said. Indeed, in one online ad for Zestra, a woman says that, “It works so well, when I think about it, it even makes me want to go home and use it now.” There are no men anywhere in the picture.

Mr. Thompson acknowledges that some of the reluctance to broadcast the ads may have to do with the vague sense of what products like Zestra actually do. “If this product works as well as it claims, Victorian prissiness and the collective American embarrassment about sex will probably be trumped by the marketplace,” he said.

According to Ms. Braun Scherl and Ms. Jaensch, Zestra sales have increased month over month, and the business is growing. The product has also been featured on television shows like “Dr. Oz,” “Rachael Ray” and the “Tyra Banks.”

Still, “there is a huge unmet need, and we’re limited in our ability to get the message to men and women who would benefit from the product,” Ms. Braun Scherl said. “What I would say is, if there are standards for what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, they should be equally applied to products for male and female sexual enjoyment.”'

Hey, I plan to order a small amount to try it. Will get back to you after it's...come!

(Note: The manufacturer has just provided me with a website for readers to sign a petition who feel "outraged" by this double-standard, and has requested that I provide it here. I think this is worth considering, but NOT as a marketing ploy, but to make sure that women's sexuality is taken seriously.)

— The Curator

My Sex Life as a Disabled Woman

Almost always, sex is simply too much.

It’s too much expectation; too much pain; often just too much effort that leads to too much debilitating exhaustion; too much disappointment. I’m disabled you see, so it’s rare that sex isn’t too much. But it just as often brings too much joy; too much connection; too much divinity; too much glorious pleasure that leads to too much unbelievably soaring release. So, far too wonderful to lose. Thus, I will reach out to my partner with my broken, weakening body until I am just too, too, too totally unable to do so.

I LOVE sex. I believe and live a sex-positive life, having found a true connection with the Cosmic Creator through practicing Tantra in sexual unions. But, this has been a pretty tough year for me. I have Lupus, S.E., and it’s devastated a lot of my joints (I walk with two canes), and is now working on the ’ole noggin. I’m 53, but feel more like 93 a lot of time (and no, not the new 93 either!)

I’ve lived with the diagnosis a very long time, adjusting my sex life so that the positions required for success could be consistently met with a partner or during solo sex. Recently, that’s been more and more difficult. It may well be that I won’t be able to find a comfortable position at all some day – so I have to prepare for that horrible possibility.

You know, most disabled women and men never discuss their sex lives or sexual problems publicly or sadly, even in private. There is such an enormous layer of shame surrounding it, like it’s somehow our fault that our limbs won’t respond like a “normal,” able-bodied person. Like we’re filthy, unclean in the Biblical sense.

Recently, I looked through a bunch of free porn on the Internet. No, I’m not into it, although there’s nothing wrong with porn, and I actually surprised myself by finding some of it arousing. I had been looking for an image to copy and stylize for this blog when I ran into some very troubling information. It seems that if someone is in a wheelchair, or is otherwise visibly disabled and are depicted in porn, it is produced as “fetish sex.” FETISH SEX! In other words, not regular-people-porn. (I can’t believe I’m arguing we should be treated better by the porn industry, but I am.)

Here’s the dictionary definition of fetish: “The paraphilic focus in Fetishism involves the use of nonliving objects (the "fetish"). Among the more common fetish objects are women's underpants, bras, stockings, shoes, boots, or other wearing apparel. The person with Fetishism frequently masturbates while holding, rubbing, or smelling the fetish object or may ask the sexual partner to wear the object during their sexual encounters. Usually the fetish is required or strongly preferred for sexual excitement, and in its absence there may be erectile dysfunction in males…Usually the Paraphilia begins by adolescence, although the fetish may have been endowed with special significance earlier in childhood. Once established, Fetishism tends to be chronic.”

Obviously, fetish has also come to be used to denote any preference that has an erotic or sensual tinge to it, even if it isn’t part of a person’s traditional sex life. So someone who really loves shoes may describe themselves as having a shoe fetish. On the other hand, someone who likes to incorporate fur into their sex play may say they have fur fetish. Thus, someone who gets off by seeing someone in a wheelchair has a disabled-person fetish? Holy crap, as if life with a serious/fatal illness wasn’t rough enough already.

Everyone needs to feel good about themselves at least a little bit to be able to have sex, rotten self-esteem takes the steam out of the sizzle faster than anything else. So, when the porn industry throws us under the bus, too, it simply underscores just how the rest of society must see us, too.

I had already discovered that there are no sex aids for the disabled on the market – believe me, I’d looked everywhere. As a woman, a gadget that would help me reach would be great, or something to support my arms while I try to pleasure my partner, since my hands are unable to work long or well. Nothing, zip, nada. Soooooo, I have been forced to improvise, as I’m sure all other disabled people must, too.

In many ways, I’m lucky to be female since I don’t have to depend on holding an erection, which must be a nightmare for a lot of disabled guys. I’m also lucky because I orgasm easily and consistently – as long as the right areas can be comfortably reached, that is.

Does society really think we have no right to sex? That we are non-entities, sexless eunuchs who should stay in the background. We should know and keep our place. Above all, that we are not flesh and blood human beings with deep feelings, passionate desires, and strong sexual drives. Are you surprised to hear that we have just as many earthly needs as you have? That we have as much of a birthright to orgasm you. Or, does the real image of a disabled person deeply aroused or in full orgasm repulse you? Be brutally honest. The truth is it might even repulse you if you are disabled.

I assume that any erotica penned that involves a disabled person would be considered fetish sex, or even deviant sex. That’s too bad. We disabled know a lot about sex – we have to. We have to understand how our bodies, and yours, work to be able to have sex consistently and successfully. We know cool little – and sometimes big – tricks that you might really, really enjoy. We are also very patient, and are often forced to go nice and slow. We are generally sincerely considerate of your needs and pleasure, and very grateful for the kind, loving touches, kisses that we receive.

You see, when I have sex and the pleasure begins to build (inside or within my partner), I am no longer disabled. My body is no longer broken; I am suddenly floating free and unencumbered in the loving arms of endless, universal bliss. Is it any wonder that I do not – will not – give up this part of my life, and steadfastly refuse to apologize for it?

(FYI: The only really complete book on the subject that I've found helpful is
Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability, by Miriam Kaufman, et. all.)

— The Curator

Egypt + Sex Education — Really NOT!

There is a fascinating and important opinion/editorial appearing at Bikya Masr that describes sex education – or the lack of it – in today's Egypt.

The author, Baher Ibrahim, notes that even doctor’s do not have correct or adequate sex education, nor do many men and women understand the correct usage of condoms.

Masturbation is absolutely verboten, and women, who are expected to remain virginal until marriage, are not supposed to have any specific knowledge about self-pleasure.

Ibrahim urges the country to confront its sexual conservatism, and advances a compelling argument that it must provide real, contemporary sex education.

The editorial appears in its entirety below, or read it directly at Bikya Masr.

By Baher Ibrahim
27 December 2009
in Health

“It may sound striking that in the 21st century; there are highly educated people, even doctors, who have highly inaccurate information about reproductive health. But in Egypt, that is the reality.

Starting from school pupils and reaching all the way to medical faculties, there is an astonishing lack of basic information on sex and reproductive diseases. Misconceptions and old wives’ tales are reinforced in young peoples’ minds by the insistence of medical professors on ignoring such basic information.

Egyptian society is by nature a conservative one, making sex a taboo subject. Thus, it has become absolutely normal and expected that an entire body system be practically ignored in science curricula all over the country. Everyone in Egypt has memories of the bizarre class on the reproductive system. What usually happens is that the teacher maintains a stern face and monotonous voice to deter students from making lousy jokes. If it’s a co-ed school, there is no place for a constructive detailed discussion. Likewise, if a male teacher is standing before a girl only class or vice versa, the lesson is finished off at lightning speed. Girls would be unwilling and embarrassed to listen to a man explain the anatomy of the female genitalia, and boys will almost certainly make an inappropriate comment that will deter their teacher.

In today’s age, sex is aggressively marketed through advertising, movies and music videos. With widespread Internet access, pornography is instantly available at the click of a mouse. That there is no kind of proper sex ed in our schools is preposterous. Fast forward to high school, and the situation is not any different. The reproductive process is explained in terms of spermatogenesis and fertilization, leaving numerous girls wondering (and this is not an exaggeration) how the spermatozoa happened to reach the ovum. In addition, it prompts teenage boys, who will stop at nothing to find out about sex, to get their information from their friends, who are just as misinformed as them, or from pornographic movies.

The only time when sex is formally discussed in school is in a religious context, where the (inexperienced) religious studies teacher offers the students more misinformation as fact. Examples of these are 'masturbation is strictly forbidden in religion, and the punishment of he who masturbates is equal to that of he who engages in sexual relations with his mother.' Another popular one is that 'one mustn’t masturbate because God has given each man a store of semen that will finish if you abuse it.'

These claims are laughable to many, but are widely accepted as fact, as well as the infamous 'masturbation ruins your eyesight.' Fast forward once again to university, and the unwillingness to discuss sex in even a medical context is absurd.

Khalid, a dentistry student at Alexandria University, recalls one of his experiences. He says 'It was in our first year during a Zoology lecture. The professor (a woman) happened to mention the word ‘vagina’. A colleague of mine, who’s English was very poor, asked the professor after the lecture about the meaning of ‘vagina’. Suddenly the professor started stuttering and launched into a prolonged English-Arabic explanation interspersed with medical terminology. While he was looking at her with blank eyes, I whispered in his ear the Arabic slang (and offensive) word for ‘vagina.’'

The country’s medical students, and future doctors, fare no better. Many still believe the common “masturbation ruins your eyesight” myth, while others believe it causes infertility. A medical student at Alexandria University laughs as he tells about one of his funnier experiences. “It was during our second year, and we were attending a psychology lecture where the topic of discussion was IQ. A student passed over a folded paper to the doctor with a question on it. (Note: this is how questions are commonly asked due to the massive number of students in the auditoriums) The question was ‘Excuse me doctor, but does masturbation affect your IQ?’ Many students burst out laughing but most of the girls seemed not to understand since they didn’t get the English term. The doctor was very professional, explaining that there was no harm at all in the act, unless it became an obsession or compulsive behavior. He also mentioned statistics that 99.9% of males and 70 percent of females masturbate.'

Naturally, the latter part of the statistic did not sit well with many. The student goes on to say 'My male friends were astonished that he mentioned such a statistic so openly in front of girls, and most believed it to be a lie. Some went on to say that only a whore would do such a thing and one also wondered if by doing so, a girl could lose her virginity. A few were also astonished at the prospect that girls even thought about sex.'

The student I spoke to is now in his fifth (second last) year. He says 'Even now, it is more of the same. We had a lecture on male infertility, and obviously, a semen sample is needed to know if a man is infertile. The professor found it too embarrassing to say that the sample is usually obtained by masturbation, despite the term being mentioned without definition in the book. He opted to say that ‘a sample is best obtained in the lab’. I don’t know what’s so embarrassing about it. I am sure many of the girls, especially the ones from rural backgrounds, didn’t understand.'

Nor are they expected to understand. Despite attempts at change, Egypt is still a largely patriarchal, male dominated society where 'respectable' girls are expected to guard their virginity and know little to nothing about sex, until they are married.

This student also says 'I was stunned when during a lecture on HIV/AIDS, the professor made very little emphasis on prevention of sexual transmission, besides mentioning the term ‘condom’ once in English. Then he made a claim I have never heard of that in 15-20 percent of proper, regular condom usage, HIV can still cross an intact condom. I’ve never heard of such a thing.'

Indeed, a fact sheet on male condom use, available on the UNAIDS website, says that after conducting studies, it has emerged that 'with regular sexual intercourse over a period of two years, partners who consistently used condoms had a near zero risk of HIV.'

Add to this the reality that most med students, even when they graduate, do not even know what a condom looks like. This is an outrageous lack of basic sex ed, especially for medical students, and steps must be taken to change it.

Ironically, in a country where extramarital sex is a big no-no, very few women know how to self induce a medical abortion or use the morning after pill to prevent pregnancy.

Most girls do not even know what their external genitalia look like, nor do they have the curiosity to know. This is part of the cultural norm that girls must guard their modesty and virginity before marriage.

For all the above stated reasons, definite steps must be taken to integrate proper sex education in school and university curricula, to be taught by certified specialists, so that we may pull our students, future doctors and the general population out of the dark.”

This editorial perfectly underscores many of the challenges that conservative countries face in our modern, technological society. Every country must determine its own mores, but when its citizens have access to broader experiences via the Internet, then sex education is even more imperative. It is also quite shocking to me that many of its doctor's do not possess this vital information, either.

It is not for me to judge the behavior of a society or government when it comes to sex, but ensuring the safety of all is everyone's responsibility.

I believe that every person must be given the tools to protect themselves from contracting AIDS and other STD's, and to have the most basic knowledge about their own bodies. That is not a religious/ideology issue, but rather a human issue. 

I would argue that women should be considered sexual equals in any society. Even in the U.S., which is a much less conservative country, that is still not the case, but is thankfully coming closer to becoming a reality.


— The Curator