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As Bill Clinton so memorably made clear when he insisted he "did not have sex with that woman", there is no uniform consensus for what it means when people say they "had sex."
Health24's Great South African Sex Survey 2010 found that 30 percent of people don't consider oral sex to be sex; half say the old cigar trick isn't sex (i.e. only penile penetration counts); a third of women and slightly fewer men consider anal sex to fall outside the definition of sex; and only about 60 percent of us think mutual masturbation counts.
Now, a new study from the famous Kinsey Institute at Indiana University, which polled a representative sample of 18- to 96-year-olds, confirms that Americans are no more clear than South Africans: though some statistics might differ, the definition of what constitutes sex is anything but consistent.
It may sound like a simple question: Have you had sex? But results from the Kinsey Institute study reveal that there is no consensus among adults of any age about what the phrase “had sex” means to them.
About 30 percent of the people said that oral sex isn't sex. Twenty percent said the same about anal sex. However, the study did not find large differences between what men and women consider sex.
According to the study, 95 percent of people agree that vaginal sex is sex. But some older men don't even count that, and 89 percent said it doesn't count if the man does not ejaculate.
The topic of anal sex had some variation. Overall, 81 percent said it is sex. But the rate was 77 percent for men 18 to 29, 50 percent for men older than 65 and 67 percent for women over 65.
The study was published in the international health journal Sexual Health.
Few people will likely forget when President Bill Clinton said he did not “have sex” with Monica, but perhaps one thing people will most take away from hearing that phrase is a question: What does “have sex” or “had sex” mean?
This is not a frivolous question, as Clinton’s dilemma illustrated but also for parents, doctors, researchers, and sex educators, who should have an accurate idea of what that phrase means to the people with whom they are interacting.
In fact, Brandon Hill, research associate at the Kinsey Institute, notes that people asking that question “should all be very careful and not assume that their own definition of sex is shared by the person they’re talking to, be it a patient, a student, a child or study participant.” This became clear when researchers at Kinsey Institute queried 486 residents of Indiana ranging in age from 18 to 96.
Back when the president was grappling with the question, researchers at the Kinsey Institute had asked college students what “had sex” meant to them, and no consensus was found.
Researchers from the Kinsey Institute had asked college students in 1999 what "had sex" meant to them, taking the approach, which was unique at the time, of polling the students on specific behaviors. No consensus was found then, either.
Now, about a decade later, the same question was posed again, but with some changes. The new study was conducted in conjunction with the Rural Center for AIDS/STD Prevention (RCAP), which is part of Indiana University’s School of Health, Physical Education and Recreation.
The new study examined whether more information helped clarify matters – study participants were asked about specific sexual behaviors and such qualifiers as whether orgasm was reached-and researchers also wanted to involve a more representative audience, not just college students.
"Throwing the net wider, with a more representative sample, only made it more confusing and complicated. People were even less consistent across the board," said Hill.
In the new study, a telephone survey that consisted primarily of heterosexuals (204 men and 282 women), participants were asked, “Would you say you ‘had sex’ with someone if the most intimate behavior you engaged in was ...” and then they were offered 14 specific choices. Here are some of the results:
About 30 percent of adults did not consider oral sex to be sex, and 20 percent said anal sex was not sex, although these figures changed depending upon the age and sex of the respondent. For example, 23 percent of men ages 18 to 29 said anal sex was not sex; while 50 percent of men and 67 percent of women age 65 and older said it was not sex.
While the substantial 95 percent did agree that penile-vaginal intercourse (called ‘PVI’ in the study) fit their definition of “had sex,” this figure dropped to 89 percent if there was no ejaculation.
A surprising number of older men did not consider penile-vaginal intercourse to be sex, the study found. Among men age 65 and older, 23 percent did not consider PVI to fit their definition of “had sex.”
Medical researchers sometimes need to know how a person's sex life affects their health. And it can affect how a doctor relates to a patient. Gathering accurate information about a person’s sexual activities can be critical, especially when health care providers are dealing with possible cases of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV and AIDS. Individuals who are asked how many sexual partners they have had as part of their visit may provide inaccurate answers depending on their “personal” definition of sexual activity.
Such situations emphasize the importance of clearly defining and understanding what an individual’s definition of “had sex” is. William L. Yarber, RCAP’s senior director and a co-author of the study notes, “If people don’t consider certain behaviors sex, they might not think sexual health messages about risk pertain to them.” Therefore a seemingly casual question, “had sex?” can mean a lot, even a matter of life and death.
I find this study truly fascinating: the most basic of all sex questions has no clear definition in our society, and at least in one other. No wonder kids are so confused. If there is no consensus as to what having sex is, is it any wonder that there are questions about how to cope with it and its ramifications? Egads.
— The Curator
Sex doesn’t just put a smile on a man’s face, it may help keep a song in his heart, too!
A new study in the American Journal of Cardiology finds that men who have sex at least twice a week can almost halve their risk of developing serious heart disease.
Women weren't part of the study but many experts think the results would hold true for women, too.
And sex has already shown to have other health benefits, too. Other studies have shown that sexual activity may ease depression and pain by releasing natural chemicals such as endorphins in both sexes, by possibly decreasing the risk of prostate cancer in men, and boosting the immune system in both sexes by boosting immunoglobulin, which destroys invading organisms.
The researchers in this study, which was published yesterday, said the benefits of sex could stem from its physical and emotional effects on the body. Don't forget, sex can be good exercise, which might serve to protect the heart. Estimates are you burn around 60 calories during sex. So, let's say you have sex 12 times a month: Twelve times 60 is the equivalent of running seven miles!
But doctors think there is also an emotional component: Men with a desire for more sexual activity and who are able to engage in sex are likely to be healthier and might be more likely to be in a supportive intimate relationship with a regular partner, and this might improve health through stress reduction and social support.
So, doctors should ask about their patients' sex lives and vice versa: Men should consult with their doctors if they experience any sexual difficulties, because it could be a sign of heart disease.
Reporting in the American Journal of Cardiology, the researchers concluded that men with a low frequency of sexual activity have an increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
Men who reported sexual activity of once a month or less had a higher risk of cardiovascular disease than men who reported having sex twice a week or more, writes study researcher Susan A. Hall, PhD, of the department of epidemiology at the New England Research Institutes.
Previous studies have examined the link between erectile dysfunction (ED) and cardiovascular disease (CVD), but the new study is the first to look at frequency of sexual activity and heart risk independently from ED, the researchers say.
Hall and colleagues analyzed men taking part in the Massachusetts Male Aging Study, looking at erectile dysfunction plus other sexual function variables, such as libido.
The study included 1,165 men (average age in the 50s) without any history of cardiovascular disease (such as heart disease, stroke, peripheral arterial disease) at the start of the study. Of the participants, 213 had ED at the start of the study. The men were followed for 16 years, on average.
The researchers found that there was an increasing risk of cardiovascular disease with decreasing frequency of reported sexual activity. Compared to men who reported sexual activity at least 2-3 times a week, men with sexual activity of once per month or less had a 45 percent increased risk of cardiovascular disease during the study period. The findings took into account factors such as age and ED status.
"Our results suggest that a low frequency of sexual activity predicts [cardiovascular disease] independently of [erectile dysfunction] and that screening for sexual activity might be clinically useful," the researchers write.
The researchers also looked at the role of sexual desire and the capacity for sexual activity as possible factors in heart risk. Hall said that "men who are sexually active likely have libido and the capacity for physical activity. So the ability to have sex might be a marker for overall health."
Hall also says that "men who are having regular [sexual] activity might be more likely to be in a supportive intimate relationship with a regular partner; this might improve health through stress reduction and social support."
The study suggests that doctors could get clues about the cardiovascular condition and risk of patients by asking questions about their sex lives, sexual interest, and activities.
"The take-home message for men is that sexual health may predict cardiovascular health and men should consult with their doctors if they experience erectile dysfunction or sexual difficulties," Hall said.
— The Curator
What are your favorite things? What is your favorite TV program? Your favorite musical genre or group? How about your favorite sport, or sport’s team? What is your favorite food? Do you have a special place to sit, think and read, or would you rather run a marathon? What is your favorite color? Your favorite Season of the year? Do you like a variety of clothing and shoes, or have you carved out a unique style that is all of your own? What do you like best in bed?
Is that a deafening silence I hear to the last question, or do you have just as ready a response as you did to the others?
Research indicates that if you’re a guy, you probably have a complete – albeit rudimentary – answer, while if you’re a gal, you may not. Many women, (most who are from my generation – I’m 53) are almost totally unable to answer the question with any specificity.
Women of my generation were raised with THE RULES regarding sex. You know the ones: Good Girls never, ever touch themselves “down there,” in their “nether regions,” no exceptions. Good Girls (the marrying kind) who want to be respected by boys (who are all sexed-crazed) do not give in – ever! Once those aforementioned Good Girls are married, they become Ladies, and Ladies must never, ever feel lust, appear to enjoy sex, but must instead endure “it” for the sake of her brutish Husbands.
We were told (quite smugly, actually) by our Good-Long-Suffering-Sexually-Repressed-Mother-Role-Models that Men are so very different (worse) than we Women (good) because Men need “it” and we don’t. Nonetheless, Wives should be careful to fulfill their Husbands’ unsavory appetites, while Wives must pretend that they have none of their own. And, for God’s sake, Wives must try to force their Husbands to strictly adhere to the approved of Missionary Position. If possible, Wives should also withhold their “favors” so that intercourse occurs as infrequently as possible.
The English Baroness, the Lady Alice Hillingdon (1857-1940) said it best. She wrote about her dreaded wifely duties in her Journal from 1912:
“I am happy now that George (husband) calls on my bedchamber less frequently than of old. As it is, I now endure but two calls a week, and when I hear his steps outside my door I lie down on my bed, close my eyes, open my legs and think of England.”
Men were taught the mirror opposite: Masturbation is OK and expected of Good Boys, but mainly in private. It’s even OK for Good Boys to participate in masturbation contests with other Good Boys to see who can ejaculate the farthest (Severe caveat: Absolutely NO touching of each other.) Good Boys should sow their wild oats (sexual encounters) when they’re young. In fact, Good Boys should amass as many sexual conquests as possible, always competing with other Good Boys.
Good Boys must be good at sports, and are expected to take their pent up energies out on Bad Girl cheerleaders under the bleachers. Good Boys never express their true feelings about anything, since Good Boys don’t cry.
Actually, Gentlemen (the marrying kind) may screw Bad Girls whenever they want, but must only marry Good Girls. Their Repressed-Cynical-Sex-Starved-Father-Role-Models tell their sons to try to be faithful Gentlemen, but it’s perfectly OK to go outside the marriage bed to get sexual satisfaction provided you never get caught.
Always remember, Men are superior to Women in all areas, but especially in matters of sex. Husbands should introduce their Wives to sex gradually, to be sure the Wives are trained to give their Husbands the strongest possible orgasms.
The arousal of Wives is important only in providing their Husbands with a better sexual experience. Husbands should wait to climax until their Wives tell them they have come, then they may go ahead and bang away until ejaculation. Husbands should endure some measure of “cuddling” afterward, but they would much prefer to role over and go immediately to sleep.
Husbands must earn the highest possible living wage in exchange of receiving sex from their Wives, which remains the most basic, strongest and sacrosanct marital understanding that there is.
Most couples do not know if the woman in the relationship is capable of having multiple climaxes, or can achieve female ejaculation. Most Wives admit to having faked orgasms at least once in their married lives. Couples also acknowledge that men often feel free to masturbate even when they’re in a monogamous relationship, sometimes in front of their partner, while that is generally very untrue for women.
Good Girls are expected to "take care" of unwanted pregnancies, while Wives are still expected to take care of the children, as the primary care givers.
Good Girls never get the clap, while Gentlemen never get AIDS. If they do, NO ONE MUST EVER KNOW.
In addition, both sexes were taught, in no uncertain terms, that homosexuality is evil, sinful, etc, you fill in the pejorative. Whatever you do, remember this young Ladies and Gentlemen: You must never embarrass your families with inappropriate sexual behavior. NO ONE MUST EVER KNOW.
To keep the lid on natural and healthy sexuality, this potent dynamic accepts and even encourages pretense, lies, repression, egocentrism and abject cruelty as effective coping methods. This type of ingrained Puritanical teaching not only fosters perversion, pain, abortions, and a variety of STD's, and AIDS. It also ensures utter, life-long desolation and misery. Such hateful, vile, hurtful crap, I can hardly stand it!
You’ll know if this training is within the psyche of a female partner, if when asked what she likes in bed quickly responds without even thinking, “Whatever you like, babe,” or “I like everything you do, hon,” embarrassed, because we have absolutely NO FUCKING CLUE!
You’ll know your female partner is glowing with sexual health if she gets a very happy gleam in her eye, and just as quickly enthuses, “Thank God, you asked! I love a lot of heavy breast caressing, followed by tons of cunnilingus (my clit is REALLY, REALLY sensitive in the upper left quadrant – by the way) until I come at least once. Then, I’ll give you a blow job and then some. Maybe, after an hour of so, we’ll get to really slow penetration. I love lots of positions – don’t you? Just remember to keep rubbing my clit. Do you have a condom? If you don’t, I have a fresh box in the night stand. Oh, there’s a full bottle of lube there, too.”
(The above examples are true whether the female's partner is a male, or another female.)
Why is all of this important anyway, it’s just sex, isn’t it? No, no, NO, NOT JUST SEX! There is undisputed and increasing medical evidence that is unambiguous: Men and women need sex, good sex, and on a fairly frequent basis.
Without real sexual health, it is unlikely that anyone can achieve overall physical and/or mental health. Let me repeat that: Sex isn’t just something to make dirty jokes about around the water cooler at work, or fantasize about the perfect orgasm – it’s vital to every human being’s healthy, happy, and long life!
Plus, a sexually healthy adult means that their children will learn sex-positive traditions instead of ugly ones that will be passed on to future generations.
For a moment, let’s consider what constitutes a healthy sex life, and whether or not it is even achievable in this day and age. After reading a lot of recently published research, along with my own personal experience, I believe that these are some of components that comprise sexual health:
• It’s Safe – ALWAYS!
• May (May Not) Involve Procreation
• May Be Traditional or VERY Non-Traditional
• Freely Hetero-Homo-Bi or Other-Sexual
• Joyous and Pleasurable, Laughter
• Builds Intimacy, Both Physically AND Emotionally
• Flexible, Open and Not Static
• Adventuresome, and Fun
• Romantic, Life-Altering, Unforgettable
• Non-Judgmental
• Builds Trust/Encourages Honesty Between Partners
• Fosters Understanding, Acceptance of Needs
• Spontaneous, or it Might be Happily Planned
• Totally Ageless – Spanning One’s Entire Life
• Life-Affirming
• Releases Stress and Anxiety
• Strengthens, Deepens the Bond Between Partners
• Orgasm is NOT Required
• Contributes to Making More Positive People Overall
• Improves Muscle Tone and Overall Body Awareness
• Improves Sleep
• Does Not Require a Partner
• Can Literally Be a Portal to the Divine
I deliberately omitted the word “love” from the above list, because it deserves more discussion. Obviously, love is an intangible. Some people will tell you that it’s a “know it when you feel it” type of emotion. However, I believe that too simplistic. It can just as frequently be incredibly confusing, and sometimes a different emotion entirely masquerading as love.
For my purposes, I want to consider love very narrowly, related only to recent biological brain research. This research has found that men are generally able to have casual sex, while women are generally unable to do so. I believe this is because of cultural conditioning, but the “why” of it must wait for another day.
Fundamentally, this information is equally important to both sexes! It means that if a woman sleeps with you, fellas, she’s apt to become attached, so if you end the “relationship” she is just as likely to become emotionally hurt.
Women should especially be forewarned with this research. It means, you’d better be damned careful with whom you sleep! Even if the guy is an enormous ass, if you are sexually intimate with him, you may find yourself falling in love with the jerk!
Whether or not the goal of sexual health is attainable in this day and age, along with the divine aspects of sex, will be addressed in the Part III of this series.
To Be Continued...Sexual Health, Part III
