Just Who Should We Fear, Anyway?

I routinely visit the doctor for ongoing treatment of Lupus, but I got way more than I bargained for last week when I got into it with a group of patients in the waiting room.

The issue that brought about the mini-skirmish was homosexuality in general, and gay marriage in particular.

Guess I’d better explain. When I arrived, my doctor was running late (don’t they always?), so I found a seat in the small and very crowded waiting room. A TV was blaring a Jerry Springer-like program in the corner. I’d brought a book to read, so I sat as far from the set as possible, which sadly put me facing the group of eager TV viewers.

These folks included more than 20 mixed race people, a little older than a normal cross-section of the public because the doctor we were waiting for is a rheumatologist. The key “player” in what turned out to be my personal drama was a man in his 30’s who had driven his elderly mother to her appointment and was waiting with her. He was quite handsome: tall, fit – cut even – with a stylish shaven head, but a less-than-stylish toothpick sticking out of the corner of his mouth. He was wearing expensive summer shorts and a blue polo shirt. He was also very loud.

At some point on the TV program, a homosexual man and his partner were picked out of the audience. They said they were planning to wed when/if it ever became legal in their home state. Immediately, the handsome man I was sitting across from began making unpleasant remarks about the gay couple on the TV. He loudly expressed how disgusting, etc. the whole thing was, prompting the bulk of the remainder of those in the waiting room to chime in their complete agreement. The handsome man, egged on by the obviously appreciative crowd and vise-versa, began to laugh derisively at the men on the TV. The handsome man and several others in the waiting room continued to express and utter a lot of vicious gay-bashing insults, and similar remarks that I will not dignify by repeating here.

As the whole thing unfolded, I literally felt sick to my stomach. I am bisexual, but even if I was straight, I would have been deeply offended by the terrible hate-talk.

After a few minutes, I found that I had almost involuntarily put my book down and was facing all of them. Quite abruptly, as if I was looking down on myself from some place high and hovering just below the ceiling, I interrupted this room of average Americans. At that point, almost all of them were laughing merrily – very happily bashing homosexuals, the handsome man at the center of it all, his eyes absolutely twinkling with cruel delight.

With as level a voice as I could manage, I softly asked them if they, “did not like gay people?”

An African-American woman who appeared to be in her 50’s answered without hesitation, “No,” prompting the majority of the group to all nod in agreement. The handsome man laughed again, and the others joined him.

She went on to proclaim that she was Christian, and that nowhere in the Bible did it say that homosexuality was anything but a sin, or that “those awful, awful people could marry.”

Another woman, who was white and said she was Italian-American and Catholic, said she agreed completely, proclaiming that, “those sick people will all go to hell, and this country will be better off without them in it.”

I told them that I couldn’t understand that view at all, that I tried to judge each person as an individual, and not to stereotype them. I said that I had thought that Christianity promoted that very approach. I also noted that the Bible also fails to condemn slavery, while actually providing instructions to slave owners. As a result, I suggested to the African-American woman that perhaps her citing it as support for an anti-homosexuality argument wasn’t the best choice under the circumstances.

For some reason, I kept talking. I noted calmly that many of those who were speaking out against homosexuals in the room were of different races. I told them that to me, “gay-bashing is just another form of bigotry – a different flavor of prejudice.”

The handsome man, who happened to be African-American, had suddenly become very, very, angry. He sharply and loudly criticized me for “daring” to speak out “in favor of those fags,” and for horribly comparing it to racial bigotry. He said I was "full of shit,” and that he had a right to his opinion.

I told him I agreed completely that he had the right to believe anything and everything that he chose. Swallowing my now palpable fear, I unwisely added, “but you’re in a public place, laughing at and insulting a group of people simply because of their sexuality. I really see it as bigotry. Your conversation and behavior are very offensive to me, and I would appreciate it if you would stop.”

An immediate and deep-as-a-ravine silence followed in which the only sound I could hear was my own heart thudding wildly in my chest like it was trying to jump completely out of my body, along with the constant drone of the TV.

“We’ll stop – but not because of you, because we’re finished talking,” he said, twisting his handsome features into an honest-to-God sneer. Then he leaned way forward in his chair and actually jabbed a finger out directly at me, reaching very close to where I was sitting. “Change the subject, or this is going to get very ugly for you – right here, right now.”

Look, I'm almost twice his age and disabled. I’m a 54-year-old white woman who can only walk with the use of two canes.

Somehow, I managed to look directly and deeply into his now hate-filled and threatening eyes. I knew in that instant that if I said a single other thing to him – anything – he really might strike me. And, if he did, I also knew he’d never suffer a pang of conscience, even though any blow from him would injure me quite badly.

“No problem. I have my book,” I replied, my mouth suddenly very dry. As I looked away from him, not one person in the waiting room made eye contact with me. Turning to my book still on my lap, I found that my hands were shaking uncontrollably.

No one spoke the rest of the time we were pressed together. When it was finally my turn to see the doctor and we were alone in an examination room, she asked if I was OK. The receptionists, all women, had heard everything and had told her because they were upset. Despite how they had felt, not one of them had tried to stop the gay-bashing.

Even so, the doctor thanked me for speaking out. She said that, "a lone voice against hate and intolerance does make a difference." She said it puts a different energy into the minds of everyone present. She said she thought it was fear that had stopped some to speak up who probably had agreed with me; some that felt gay marriage was OK; or others who believed that homosexuality was nothing to be made fun of, and that gays should not be abused.

I found out later that the oh-so-thoroughly-furious-handsome man was...wait for it...a police officer! Just what we need, not only another homophobic-bigoted man – but one with a badge and a gun.

— The Curator

We Still Have a Very Long Way to Go

Two incidents in New York this week underscore the ongoing turmoil within our society over homosexuality: The state’s highest court heard arguments that could have profound effects on the battle over same-sex marriage, and an openly gay man was beaten almost to death in a homophobic hate crime.

The victim, Jack Price, 49, was beaten by two men outside a 24-hour deli in College Point, Queens, early Friday. Police believe the attack on Price was a homophobic assault because his two male attackers shouted anti-gay slurs as they beat him senseless. The vicious assault was captured on the deli’s outdoor surveillance camera.

Price’s injuries were so severe that he was placed in a medically-induced coma, but fortuately awoke on Wednesday and is coherent, according to his family. He suffered broken ribs, a fractured jaw and a lacerated spleen. His condition has been described as serious but stable.

One suspect, Daniel Aleman, 26, was arrested on Sunday and charged with assault and aggravated assault as a hate crime. He faces 15 years in prison if convicted.

The second suspect, Daniel Rodriguez, 21, was arrested and taken into custody late Tuesday. He was found in Norfolk, Virginia, and was being returned to New York. He is expected to face the same charges.

Ironically, earlier in the day, the New York State Court of Appeals heard emotional arguments in two separate same-sex marriage cases that it is considering jointly. Both cases were brought by organizations opposed to gay marriage.

The civil cases concern relatively narrow executive and administrative orders pertaining to the extension of benefits, like health insurance to certain same-sex spouses. These same-sex spouses are of government employees who married in jurisdictions where such marriages are legal.

In one of the cases, opponents of same-sex marriage are challenging a 2007 policy, adopted by the New York State Department of Civil Service, that extended health insurance benefits to the same-sex partners of state and local government employees who married in states that allow such marriages.

In the other case, opponents are seeking to overturn an administrative order issued in 2006 by Andrew J. Spano, the Westchester County executive, directing county officials to recognize same-sex unions performed elsewhere.

A broad enough ruling by the Court of Appeals could force New York state businesses and local governments to recognize out-of-state marriages between same-sex couples, effectively legalizing the unions of thousands of New Yorkers who were married in Vermont, Iowa, parts of Canada and other places where same-sex marriage is legal.

(Can you even imagine how gay marrieds must feel if they move and the government says: Whoops, sorry, the vows you took under God and witnessed by man mean nothing at all!)

The plaintiffs in both cases are being represented by the Alliance Defense Fund, a very conservative legal-advocacy group based in Scottsdale, Ariz., whose lawyers have argued that state officials and Spano exceeded their authority. Lower courts have sided with state and local officials in the two cases, upholding the extension of those benefits to same-sex couples.

The fund is also coordinating the legal fight against a much broader executive order on gay unions that NY Gov. David A. Paterson issued in 2008. It required all state agencies to revise their policies and regulations to recognize gay couples legally married out of state.

While the legal challenge to Paterson’s order has not yet reached the Court of Appeals, questioning by the court’s judges during arguments in these two narrower cases raised the possibility that they might leapfrog to the larger question raised in all three cases: Whether New York must recognize same-sex marriages performed elsewhere, even though such unions are not recognized in New York.

“I guess what I’m struggling with is, the marriage-recognition rule would not be unique to state government,” said Judge Victoria A. Graffeo, referring to the legal doctrine under which most marriages legally performed in one state are generally recognized in other states. “That would also apply to the private sector, then, if our court indicates that the marriage-recognition rule requires the recognition of these marriages.”

In 2006, the court ruled 4 to 2 that gay couples had no right to get married under existing state law or the State Constitution, holding that limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples was based on legitimate societal goals, primarily the protection and welfare of children.

Paterson introduced legislation this year that would legalize gay marriage, making it one of his top legislative priorities. The bill passed in the Assembly but has stalled in the Senate. A decision by the Court of Appeals requiring New York to recognize out-of-state gay marriages would provide gay-marriage advocates, who have been campaigning to legalize same-sex marriages in New York, with a significant victory.

But during Tuesday’s questioning, Appellate Judge Robert S. Smith noted that courts, when presented with the choice of issuing a narrow or a broad ruling, usually favored a narrower one.

“We’ll get the next case soon enough,” Judge Smith said, in what appeared to be a reference to the challenge to Paterson’s order.

Brian W. Raum, a lawyer for the plaintiffs, suggested that he would prefer a broad ruling that would block state officials from recognizing gay marriages of any kind, absent approval by the Legislature.

“We don’t think” that the state civil service agency or the Westchester executive have “the authority to recognize same-sex marriages from other jurisdictions for any purpose,” Raum said.

In the violent assault, Price was attacked as he went for a pack of cigarettes, and remains in the intensive care unit at Booth Memorial Hospital.

"Look what they did to him because he is gay," Price's sister-in-law said, standing in his hospital room. "It is in God's hands right now. There is nothing more they can do for him."

The 5-foot-6, 130-pound man has been near death since the Friday, 3 a.m., beating when the two men jumped him outside the 24-hour corner deli on College Point Boulevard.

Price never hid his sexual orientation from neighbors. His relatives think the two assailants recognized him, and then attacked outside the deli.

"They were walking in the store calling him a 'faggot,'" said Price's sister-in-law, who asked not to be named.

Price told his family about the ordeal from his hospital bed Friday, before losing consciousness.

(Will this madness never end? This issue hurts my heart so much I always feel inadequate in expressing myself. How a person’s innate sexuality affects anyone beyond their bed-partner remains lost on me. I will say what I do know: Sexuality is not a choice, it’s biological. Goddess, God, Creator, Allah or whatever Higher Power you believe in, created each and every human being, gay, bi or straight. Thus, homosexuality is as much a gift from that Higher Power as is being straight. It is not a religious issue, any more than your drive to slake your thirst or fill your stomach with food. Biology is neutral. Why do we insist on tearing at each other, so?)