Faces 2009: Belle de Jour — Absolutely!

It’s been one incredible year for celebrated erotic author Belle de Jour, and now she’s been named one of 2009 Faces by the UK’s Guardian.

For those of you who are unfamiliar Belle de Jour, that had been the nom de plume of British author, and award-winning blogger, who was also a London call girl for two years.

On Nov. 15, Belle revealed her true identity, she is Dr. Brooke Magnanti, a noted scientist. She disclosed her identity through a voluntary interview with the London Sunday Times. Brooke’s specialist areas are developmental neurotoxicology and cancer epidemiology. She has a PhD in informatics, epidemiology and forensic science and is now working at the Bristol Initiative for Research of Child Health. She is currently part of a team researching the potential effects on babies of their mothers' exposure to toxic chemicals.

But, from 2003 to late 2004, Brooke worked as a prostitute via a London escort agency; she started blogging as Belle de Jour — after the Buñuel film starring Catherine Deneuve as a well-to-do housewife who has sex for money because she’s bored — shortly into her career as a call girl, after an incident she thought funny enough to write down.

She charged £300 an hour for her services, of which she got £200. The average appointment lasted two hours; she saw clients two or three times a week, “sometimes less, sometimes a great deal more,” she has said.

As Belle de Jour, Brooke, of Bristol, England, has written four books in addition to her blog about her work in the sex industry.

The UK Guardian named her as one of its Faces of 2009 today. In the article, Brooke was asked about her alter ego, prompting the good doctor to laugh.

"I think people might like to read a little bit more Belle...as to how much she has changed things...on balance, she's been a good thing. But I don't think this is a fabulous life choice for everyone. It's more that every woman should be able to say, 'This is what I'd like.' Human sexuality is a massive continuum. We shouldn't forget that."

That quote underscores why I am such a deeply avid fan of Brooke’s. She is insightful, witty, brilliant and truly continues to break every mold, challenging tired and offensive stereotypes, while having a wonderfully sex-filled time of it all!

Since Brooke’s big reveal, I have devoted space to any and all fascinating news articles, features, or columns related to her. Thus, I have carefully sifted through the media deluge on both sides of the Pond and have found some that were mildly interesting, some insulting, and most poorly written. A very, very few have been exceptional. I think the honor that the Guardian bestowed today, qualifies! So, here it is in its entirety, along with the photograph that accompanied the feature article. Read it below, or at the Guardian website.

Brooke Magnanti: 'I've never had to psych myself up to take my clothes off'

guardian.co.uk/The Observer
Faces 2009

Research scientist Brooke Magnanti, formerly call-girl blogger Belle de Jour, photographed in Bristol. Photograph: Richard Saker

By Rachel Cooke
The Observer

Sunday 20 December 2009

“Wild speculation as to the identity of Belle de Jour, the call-girl blogger and author played by Billie Piper in ITV's Secret Diary of a Call Girl, was finally answered last month when scientist Brooke Magnanti stepped forward to pre-empt an outing from a tabloid newspaper.

I meet the artist formerly known as Belle de Jour in a Bristol pub. To say that she's not what I was expecting is an understatement. Small, neat and meet-your-eye straightforward, Dr. Brooke Magnanti, research scientist, is also wearing a knitted hat that, though pretty, could easily double as a tea cosy. This is extremely confusing. After all, when Belle de Jour, the waspish former call girl who wrote about her adventures anonymously in a blog and several books, finally revealed her true identity to the world last month, she was photographed by a Sunday newspaper not in sensible boots and a bright red tea cosy but wearing a silk dressing gown and what I can only describe as a come-hither smile.

Did she like the picture? "Yes, hugely!" she says. But it was a one-off. In future, she will be photographed only in jeans or a lab coat or something. Does this mean that she is wary of her newfound visibility? Not at all. Six weeks on and she is still glad that she came out. Yes, her hand was forced – a tabloid was on her trail – but the burden of secrecy had also grown increasingly heavy.

"I thought I should just get this over with. The thing that bothered me was not knowing if, or when, exposure would happen. I would never pick up a withheld number. Never. So I went to my boss and I said, 'If you can think of any reason why I shouldn't be doing this [revealing her identity], say so now.' Her attitude was, 'So long as you get on with your work.' My boyfriend already knew and a couple of close friends. I warned my mother something big was about to happen and when I did tell her, she took it in her stride; she went straight out and bought the book. It was hilarious. Then I braced myself for other people's reactions. I decided to consider anything over 0% positive a success."

There followed several days of fuss: newspaper columnists spouted; Magnanti appeared on a TV book programme; her father – estranged – gave an interview to the Daily Mail. ("That was his choice," she says. "I just hope he feels comfortable with his decision.") Then, as suddenly as the squall had blown up, quiet reigned once more. "Life continues as normal. I do feel a huge sense of relief. If someone asks me a question, I can answer it honestly. But day to day, nothing is any different. I go to work, I attend conferences."

Her current research project – it involves a pesticide she believes can be linked to developmental problems in children – is in its final stages and she must now start applying for new grants. "My concern isn't that people will interview me out of curiosity; it's that people will be less likely to interview me because they don't want to be associated with all this."

So is she determined to remain a scientist? "Oh, yes. That's my passion. I've worked really hard to stay in science. When people talk about my old life, they say, 'Oh, so she wasn't doing it to pay for a drug addiction.' Well, that's true. But I did have an addiction. It was to higher education. That's a very expensive addiction."

It is more than six years since she gave up her £300-an-hour part-time job; she is now 34. So how does she look back on the girl who decided to fund her doctorate not by waitressing but by selling sex? "I think I was a bit overwhelmed at the time. I was coming to the end of my studies and I'd applied for, and failed to get, so many jobs. Sometimes, I felt like a small cork bobbing on a large ocean. But I would have felt like that anyway, probably more so, if I'd decided to work at Starbucks."

She sounds detached, as though all this happened to someone else. Was it like being an actor? "Some aspects were like that. The bits where I had conversations, put people at their ease. But I'm not really self-conscious about my body. I've never had to psych myself up to take my clothes off. It's a difficult one to explain, but the job made me more sympathetic to men. They've got the money but not necessarily the power. If they had all the power, they wouldn't be paying for it. Somewhere, there is some vulnerability. Either they didn't have time for a girlfriend – I had a lot of those – or they were having a difficult relationship and were feeling confused. You're the one who can walk out. I've had some terrible dates, but the men who were clients bent over backwards to be nice to me. They were so eager to be seen as honest. They wanted to impress me. It was sweet."

Magnanti tells me that we shouldn't be too startled by the yawning gulf between her old job and the one she does now; we might be surprised if we knew how many women are working in the sex industry while outwardly maintaining every appearance of an ordinary, middle-class life. "A few of the girls I met at my agency were not dissimilar to me. I don't think there is such a thing as [a] typical [prostitute]. Go to some streetwalkers' charity and it's easy, from the outside, to think these people are abused. But everyone has a different set of circumstances."

But what about Belle? Is her career as an author over now? And how much has her frankness lowered the bar when it comes to writing about sex? Magnanti laughs. "I think people might like to read a little bit more Belle...as to how much she has changed things...on balance, she's been a good thing. But I don't think this is a fabulous life choice for everyone. It's more that every woman should be able to say, 'This is what I'd like.' Human sexuality is a massive continuum. We shouldn't forget that."’

As a US fan since her first blog post hit the internet in 2003, I had never fully understood how devotedly the UK media had gone to unmask Belle. Nor was I truly cognizant of the amazing number of theories about her very existence! Apparently, the most popular was that Belle was a construct, a fake, a non-person created by a famous male writer or journalist! How utterly insulting and deeply chauvinistic/misogynistic.

As a reader, it never occurred to me that Brooke was anything other than she purported to be. Her writing is real, and her literary voice completely authentic and utterly unique. I still check her blog every day. I’ve never missed a post, not because she’s famous or controversial, but because she’s a lyrical, important writer who’s had a deep impact on me and my life.

Please check back frequently, as Brooke will take center stage on this blog whenever warranted!

Belle de Jour’s Guide to Men, published by Orion Books, hit store shelves in the United Kingdom on Oct. 1. Not yet available in the US, it is widely available across the pond at UK bookstores, or via Amazon’s UK division.

When you’re there, be sure and check out Belle’s other books: The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl, September 2005; The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl, May 2007; and Playing the Game, June 2009. Not a ringer in the bunch – trust me!

— The Curator

Parents Wake Up: Talk to Your Kids About SEX!!

This is a vitally important topic, so no cute lead on this one: Kids need to know about sex from their parents before they have sex – duh!

Well, a recent study finds that parents are not talking soon enough, partly because kids are having sexual encounters at a younger age than in prior generations, and also because parents are in denial.

As a result, the birds-and-the-bees conversation occurs after, and not before, kids start experimenting sexually, possibly in risky ways, according to a study in the January issue of Pediatrics. In the study, researchers found “The Talk” about safe sex, birth control or sexually transmitted diseases often occurs after many adolescents are already having actual intercourse.

This revelation comes despite American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations that health-care providers and parents talk to their kids about sex and sexuality early in life.

"Parents are a little behind the 8-ball. They underestimate their children's sexual knowledge and interest and behaviors," said Dr. Lawrence Friedman, director of adolescent medicine at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine.

"It's a hard subject for many parents to broach, but the level of sexual activity in many kids has moved up in terms of initiation. It's younger," added Alan Hilfer, director of psychology at Maimonides Medical Center in New York City. "Talking about it is very helpful in terms of disease prevention, unwanted pregnancy and even issues around relationships."

According to experts, this is a troublesome trend, as teens who have had a sex talk with their parents are more likely to delay their first sexual encounter, and to practice safe sex when they do become sexually active.

Although there were long-term suspicions that parents lagged behind their kids, previous studies had asked adults to remember when they first had sex and when their parents talked to them, said study author Megan Beckett, a social scientist with the Rand Corp. in Santa Monica, Calif.

For this study, Beckett and her colleagues surveyed 141 middle-class and upper middle-class parents and their children, aged 13 to 17, in more of a real-time scenario. "We went back about four times over a year's period," Beckett said.

The study involved the families enrolling in the Talking Parents, Healthy Teens program, and should serve as a wake-up call for parents. The parents and children responded to a questionnaire covering 24-issues regarding sex and sexuality, including how pregnancy occurred, body changes during puberty, condom and birth control applications, as well as sexual identity and homosexuality.

Separately, parents and children were asked the first time they discussed each topic, which was then compared with the teens’ self-reports about engaging in three specific categories of sexual behavior i.e. hand-holding or kissing; genital touching or oral sex; and intercourse.

By study-end, over half the parents reported 14 of the 24-sex-related topics had not been discussed, by which time their adolescents had already begun genital touching or oral sex with partners.

Starting with questions about girls bodies and menstruation, the research team asked parents and children about kissing and handholding, birth control, refusing sex, oral sex and intercourse, all related to different developmental stages of the kids.

More than half of children had experienced genital touching before "The Talk" about birth control, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and condom use, the researchers found.

"More than 40 percent of adolescents are having intercourse before parents have talked to them about STD symptoms, condom use, choosing birth control and what to do if your partner refuses to use a condom," Beckett said. "That's a pretty large number."

Forty-two percent of girls said they had not discussed the effectiveness of birth control, while 40 percent had not talked it over with their parents on how to refuse sex before engaging in genital touching.

Nearly 70 percent of boys had not discussed condom use or other birth-control methods before having intercourse, with only half their parents saying they had not discussed the issues. About two-thirds of boys said they had not talked with a parent about how to use a condom before having intercourse. And conversations with boys almost always took place later than talks with girls.

"This is a flag to not put it off, and this is especially the case with boys," Beckett said.

Denial, naivety and any number of other emotions on the part of the parents may be playing into this trend, Friedman said.

"They reminisce that when they were in the seventh grade, they didn't do that kind of thing," he said.

"The fact of the matter is that this is 25 years later, and this is what is going on. You have to be knowledgeable and prepared to prepare children for when they become teenagers and have to confront sexual kinds of activities."

Other experts agree. "We live in an R-rated society, and our kids need our PG guidance," said Dr. Frank Biro, head of adolescent medicine at Cincinnati Children's Hospital. "If you want to instill knowledge and values, then you need to be talking to your kids earlier, not later."

Here are some tips on when and how to talk to your kids:

— Figure that the age you think is appropriate is probably too old. "If parents think that they should broach the topic at X age, they should subtract two years and do it at that age instead," Friedman said.

— Talk to your physician and scour resources from the Internet, libraries and schools about how to broach the subject and what to say.

— Take the lead. "Don't expect your child to come and ask an important question about a topic that they're embarrassed about or that they don't know their parents would be willing to talk to them about," Friedman said. "This will also help gauge how knowledgeable their teenager or child is."

— After you've talked, "step back and ask your kids questions and pay attention to what they're interested in," Hilfer said.

— Make sure your conversation is developmentally appropriate to the child, Biro said. Talking about fellatio with a 6-year-old is probably not appropriate. Talking about boys liking girls and handholding would be for kids 8 or 9 years or possibly even 6 years old. "If you haven't talked to your kids by the time they're 12, you need to get on the stick," said Hilfer.

— Make sure that kids understand the risks of even casual experimentation. AIDS, STD’s and unwanted pregnancies can happen even if the kids do not have full-on intercourse.

— Make sure kids know how to say "no," that it's OK to refuse any sexual suggestion, and that they are not uncool to do so.

— Swallow your unease. Your embarrassment is nothing compared to your kid getting pregnant or AIDS!

— Be senstive to your kids about feelings of shame. Make sure they understand that sexual feelings are normal and natural, and that you still have them.

— Make sure that kids know they can count on you if they get into ANY kind of trouble, without judgment or getting a lecture.

— LISTEN TO YOUR KIDS! Pretty basic, but may be the most important tips that adults can ignore. They understand they need to talk, but the listening — not so much.

In addition, it is important for all parents to know the correct terms and the anatomy of both genders. It is unbelievable, but it has been my experience that many adults have the same knowledge about sex as adolescents – they have not updated their own information in decades! Only give your kids correct information!

I also believe that no discussion about sex can omit a conversation about masturbation. Sexual impulses are natural, and masturbation is a safe-sex way to release those feelings in private, and for teens to learn about, and accept, their bodies.

Discussion about sexual identity has to be part of any conversation with kids. Believe me, kids will hear about homosexuality from other kids, and often that information is ugly and destructive. If children have begun to believe they are not heterosexual, the feelings of shame begin very, very early. Parents have to be conscious of what their kids are feeling, and observant, even if what you see is not something you may approve of, or want for them.

Unconditional love begins when parents embrace their children for who they are, including the sexuality, and realize that a lot of the rules have changed. Arm your kids with information on how to keep safe, as well as explaining the emotions that occur with even casual sexual contact.

Unwanted pregnancies, AIDS and other STD’s are not the only sexual minefields all kids have to cross. Peer pressure, even rape; poor body image; sexual identity; and even broken hearts are just some of the others. Whew! I am often glad that I do not have young children in this day and age.

— The Curator