NOT Belle de Jour!!

Ashley Dupre, the former Manhattan call girl who brought down New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, is now an advice columnist for The New York Post.

It is so typically American to hype an infamous call-girl as someone who is also qualified to give advice, and who just happens to be a writer, too. Frankly, the one and only person who fits that description is the fabulous Belle de Jour. For those of you who are unfamiliar with her, Belle de Jour had been the nom de plume of a celebrated British erotic author, who was also a London call girl for two years. On Nov. 15, Belle revealed her true identity is Dr. Brooke Magnanti, of Bristol, England, a noted scientist. If you want the real deal, do yourself a favor and read HER blog.

But, I digress. Back to Dupre. What kind of advice is she dispensing? "No-nonsense advice," The Post says. About sex, love, relationships – Christmas gifts. Good grief!

I believe the reasons that the column is remotely readable is because it's either very highly edited or almost completely ghost written.

"Sure, she's made some mistakes," The Post declares right up front about its new Sunday columnist, but says she's now sharing what she's learned.

Dupre's column in the newspaper that was founded by Alexander Hamilton in 1801 features a photo of the one-time escort in casual office mode, wearing glasses, a light jacket and a generously unbuttoned blue blouse (classic librarian porn image.)

Dupre fields a string of readers questions from how to tell if a daughter is getting into trouble to whether a girlfriend is lying when she says she doesn't like porn ("I'm not big into myself," Dupre notes) to what to give a wife "that will make her feel special and loved?"

But given the Spitzer saga, most attention for her debut column will no doubt focus on a question ostensibly from an East Village reader: "Are there tell-tale signs a man isn't happy in his marriage?

Ashley's insight:

Guys are primal. They're proud and need to be treated like they're proud and special.

Girlfriends do that for the most part. But I think that wives with children have so much pressure on them, the natural thing is for the kids to take priority. The husband feels secondary and in one form or another may seek out that required special attention outside the marriage.

Guys are so easy to please and I don't just mean sexually. We all need to feel loved and appreciated. Ask yourself, when was the last time you did something to make your husband feel loved, special and appreciated...and if you can't remember, then that's your sign right there.

The children are a product of your love for each other. Your relationship should always be priority. Always. Remember, happy parents usually means happy children.

Wow! What insight, what wit, style and literate utterings! Sorry, I digress once again. Below you can read her debut column, or check it out at the New York Post online.

Ask Ashley
By Ashley Dupre
Last Updated: 12:21 PM, December 14, 2009

“Sure, she's made some mistakes. But now Ashley Dupre, the former escort who brought down Gov. Eliot Spitzer, is sharing what she's learned in her new sex, love and relationship column – exclusively in the New York Post. Is your husband cheating? Is your daughter on a dangerous path? Our readers asked – and Ashley fired back with her no-nonsense advice.

How do I know if my daughter may be getting into trouble? – Meredith, 40, Queens

It's all a matter of having the right perspective and approach. Most teenagers will do stupid things. What were you doing when you were a teenager? For a long time I was actually an honor-roll student and a great kid. I respected my parents and my elders.

Things really changed for me when my brother ran away when he was 15 and my parents were terrified that the same thing would happen to me, so they were incredibly strict with me...and that caused me to rebel and go the opposite way.

If your daughter is getting good grades, shows you respect and has a good head on her shoulders, give her room to go out, grow and make mis takes. And be there when she falls. I would definitely educate her on what is out there in the world to be wary of.

Sometimes instilling a little (but not too much) fear into her is not a bad thing. It validates your concerns so she won't think you're just being an overbearing, overprotective parent who isn't ready for her to grow up.

She is growing up, whether you like it or not. I suggest you be able to talk to her about boys, sex, alcohol and drugs, because they're around and kids do experiment. Would you rather educate her or have her getting alcohol-poisoning at a party? I'm not saying that you should condone that behavior, but you need to help her manage peer pressure and you do that not by saying "don't do any of it, it's all bad." We all know that sometimes we're attracted to the forbidden fruit.

Are there telltale signs a man isn't happy in his marriage? – J. Marshall, 37, East Village

Guys are primal. They're proud and need to be treated like they're proud and special.

Girlfriends do that for the most part. But I think that wives with children have so much pressure on them, the natural thing is for the kids to take priority. The husband feels secondary and in one form or another may seek out that required special attention outside the marriage.

Guys are so easy to please and I don't just mean sexually. We all need to feel loved and appreciated. Ask yourself, when was the last time you did something to make your husband feel loved, special and appreciated...and if you can't remember, then that's your sign right there.

The children are a product of your love for each other. Your relationship should always be priority. Always. Remember, happy parents usually means happy children.

My boyfriend wants to know how many men I've slept with. Do I give an honest answer? – Anonymous, NYC

You don't give him an answer at all. It's really none of his business (and vice versa).

It's like you asking him how many lap dances he's gotten in his life. You know you've each slept with people in the past. It's part of being an adult and has nothing to do with your relationship now and your possible future together.

Some things are better left unsaid.

My girlfriend says she doesn't like porn. Is she lying? – David K, 36, TriBeCa

Some women don't like porn and some love it. I'm not big into it myself. But I must say, I was buying the Liberator [sex aid] and I was watching the demonstration video for all the different positions and I was thinking about my boyfriend at the time, and it got me super turned on...just thinking about him and us, and exploring all the different positions on this thing.

Try sending her an e-mail of a soft-porn clip and say "I can't wait to do this to you tonight." And see what she says.

What's the no-fail Christmas gift I can get my wife that will make her feel special and loved? – Brian N., 39, Lower E. Side

Women are really not as complicated as men think. If we love you, it doesn't take much.

It's the little things that married people sometimes forget. Like spending romantic alone time together. I think sometimes you get so wrapped up in the kids, you put your relationship second by default and that's definitely not healthy for the relationship.

How about a night in a really nice hotel away from the kids and out of the house? Make reservations at the most romantic or her favorite restaurant in the city – at dinner, tell her she's the most beautiful person in the world and how lucky you are to have her and how happy she makes you.

There's no such thing as a "no-fail" gift to make a women feel special and loved. The no-fail gift is your actions and making her feel like she is for the 364 days leading up to Christmas. So get to work.

Look for Ashley every Sunday in the Post's "Meet Market"
Have a question? E-mail Ashleydupre@nypost.com.”

I believe in legalized adult prostitution, so I tend to error on the side of its promotion on this blog. That is why I decided to run the debut of this so-called advice column. But again, if you have interest in this type of thing, I strongly advise you to read Belle de Jour every chance you get!

As Belle de Jour, Brooke has written four books in addition to her always incredible blog about her work in the sex industry. Belle de Jour’s Guide to Men, published by Orion Books, hit store shelves in the United Kingdom on Oct. 1. Not yet available in the US, it is widely available at UK bookstores, or via Amazon’s UK division.

When you’re there, be sure and check out Belle’s other books: The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl, September 2005; The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl, May 2007; and Playing the Game, June 2009. Not a ringer in the bunch – trust me!

— The Curator

Tiger Leaves Golf and Apologizes Again

Tiger Woods is taking an indefinite “break” from golf, and has apologized for his “infidelity” in the latest statement he posted last night on his website.

It took the apparently clean-cut, family-man Woods decades to propel his career into the stratosphere and become the first $1 billion sports superstar, but it took only two weeks for his entire life to burn up in reentry and crash unceremoniously to the ground – perhaps permanently.

International attention was thrust on Woods appropriately on Black Friday following a bizarre single-vehicle crash that sent the 33-year-old Woods to the hospital. The crash occurred about 2:30 a.m., outside Woods’ home in Windermere, Fla. Woods, who had been driving at a slow speed, hit a mail box then careened into a tree. Woods has said that his wife heard the crash, rushed out and used a golf club to knock out the back windows of the vehicle and dragged him out of the wreckage. A neighbor who called 911, told police that Woods was unconscious for a short time.

There has been continued speculation that his wife, the model Elin Nordegren, had actually struck Woods in the face with a nine-club while they were inside their home in a heated argument about allegations he had been unfaithful.

Woods, who suffered facial lacerations, cuts and bruises said later that his wife “acted courageously,” by helping him.

The crash fueled a barrage of media speculation that the crash was linked to tabloid reports Woods' had allegedly been cheating on his wife with New York nightclub hostess Rachel Utichel.

Despite Florida authorities saying they considered the case closed, scrutiny only grew – and another woman emerged, claiming she and the pro golfer had been involved in a 31-month romance, complete with torrid text messages and some voice mails. Since then, a total of 16! alleged mistresses have been romantically linked to Woods. There have also been a slew of ugly allegations that Woods misused sleeping medications to propel himself into a “sex haze,” and that one of the women even slept overnight in his marriage bed while his wife was away.

One mistress has even reportedly been peddling nude photos she claims is of Woods, depicting him from the waist down, to Playgirl Magazine and other publications asking for a half-million dollars. A spokesman for Playgirl said they were offered documentation that the man depicted was Woods, but they still decided to decline to purchase the photos. While not acknowledging those photographs directly, Woods’ attorney obtained an injunction in England to prohibit publication of any “purported” nude photos of his client in any magazine or online anywhere, anytime.

Woods has been a money making machine not only personally, but for his sponsors and the entire PGA Tour. Golf officials even coined the phrase the "Tiger Effect" related to tournaments televised. In tournaments in which Woods plays, TV viewership increases a staggering 65 percent! The loss of Woods in the golfing world is thus incalcuable.

Since the scandal, Gatorade has dropped Woods and has stopped producing its "Tiger" beverage named after him. After last night's posting by Woods, Gillette announced it would be supporting his request for privacy by "limiting his role" as their spokesman; Chevron and AT&T have both announced that they are "re-evaluating" their professional relationship with the super star; Stanford (Wood's alma mater) has removed the public service announcements he taped to promote the university; and Accenture has removed Woods' name from its website.

I believe that the extreme negative reaction virtually worldwide against Woods has occurred for two basic reasons. The first is that Woods had promoted himself as a straight-arrow, clean-cut, family man truly above reproach. He had appeared to have gladly stepped into the part of role-model to youngsters, especially to kids of color. The statistics are undeniable and staggering – the bulk of all youngsters of color world-wide who began to play golf in the last few years did so because of him. Thus, he was expected to live up to those weighty expectations, a.k.a., with great power comes great responsibility.

The second, is the nature of the sport of golf itself. It is a time-honored sport that applauds excellence and integrity. It is not lost in this discussion that golf cheaters are shunned. It is, afterall, the ONLY sport that expects players to call penalties on themselves, and they do!

It is therefore conceivable that had a top National Football League player been involved, the scandal would not have escalated to a tsunami that lays waste to everything in its wake.

I had promised myself I would not report on this unpleasant incident again. I feel very, very sad for his wife, and I am actually quite worried for Woods’ emotional and physical well-being. He needs professional help – and lots of it – not vilification, and she needs to do whatever it takes ensure her protection, and the protection of their two young children.

The horrendous scandal seems unending, and since Woods has finally posted a more realistic statement, I decided to write about it once again, and to include that statement in its entirety.

While you’re digesting the statement, please consider this: Why didn’t he just use an escort service? I strongly believe in legalized, licenced prostitution, using adults only! Generally, women who voluntarily enter the sex industry have either the emotional makeup, or have obtained the necessary training to be able to have casual sex without emotional harm. Most women, studies have found, lack this ability. So, not only has Woods’ wife been devastated, many of his mistresses have been in distress because they had developed deep feelings for him, especially since some of them had long-term relationships with the golfer, and each believed that they were his only mistress.

Going to the same escort service would have ensured his privacy, as well as ensuring that safe sex practices were maintained. It has been reported that Woods had unprotected sex with several of his mistresses, so the possibility that they could have become pregnant, or that he could have infected his wife with an STD existed.

One must also ponder why a shrewd man like Woods would assume that his sexual transgressions (.e. a vast number of mistresses) would remain forever secret. Was he that arrogant, or could he have subconsciously wanted to be found out and come clean?

Whatever is the real truth of Woods’ inner life, here is his statement, complete and unedited with the headline that was also posted on his website:

Tiger Woods Taking Hiatus from Golf
By Tiger Woods

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I've done, but I want to do my best to try.

I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What's most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.

After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.

Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.

Woods’ wife is reportedly considering returning to her native Sweden with their children, while he is said to be living on his docked yacht, which ironically had been Christened, "Privacy." That name has now been covered up, leading to speculation that he has renamed the vessel, and will soon take to the high seas destination unknown -- hoping not to be run aground by the media. 

Whatever happens, I hope that this scandal leads to substantive public discussions about sex, commitment, marriage, cheating, prostitution, safe sex, and sex addition. If that happens, then at least something positive will have resulted from this nightmare.


— The Curator

Belle de Jour RULES!!

It’s no secret that I LOVE Belle de Jour – her writing, wit, intelligence and personal courage continue to be very inspirational to me.

As such, I have read and supported her award winning blog since it’s debut in 2003. For those of you who are unfamiliar with her, Belle de Jour had been the nom de plume of a celebrated British erotic author, who was also a London call girl for two years.

On Nov. 15, Belle revealed her true identity is Dr. Brooke Magnanti, of Bristol, England, a noted scientist.

She disclosed her identity in a voluntary interview with the London Sunday Times. Brooke’s specialist areas are developmental neurotoxicology and cancer epidemiology. She has a PhD in informatics, epidemiology and forensic science and is now working at the Bristol Initiative for Research of Child Health. She is currently part of a team researching the potential effects on babies of their mothers' exposure to toxic chemicals.

But, from 2003 to late 2004, Brooke worked as a prostitute via a London escort agency; she started blogging as Belle de Jour — after the Buñuel film starring Catherine Deneuve as a well-to-do housewife who has sex for money because she’s bored — shortly into her career as a call girl, after an incident she thought funny enough to write down.

She charged £300 an hour for her services, of which she got £200. The average appointment lasted two hours; she saw clients two or three times a week, “sometimes less, sometimes a great deal more,” she has said.

As Belle de Jour, Brooke has written four books in addition to her always fabulous blog about her work in the sex industry. The media furor triggered by her decision to disclose her true identity continues across the UK.

Because I am an avid fan, I have carefully sifted through the media deluge on both sides of the Pond since her stunning announcement. Many have been mildly interesting, some have been insulting, some poorly written, but a very few have been really, really terrific. I am posting one of the best of the bunch, a column that appeared in Newsweek, penned by Raina Kelley. Whether you read it here, or online at Newsweek doesn’t matter, just be sure you take the time to read it!

Honestly, as a former journalist, I’m very, very jealous: It’s the column that I wish I had written!

Please check back here often, because I plan to continue to post great news articles, interviews and columns devoted to Brooke.

So, here’s a hearty CHEERS to both Ms. Kelley, and always to one-and-only – Brooke!

By Raina Kelley

“Unless you’ve been in solitary confinement, you’re aware of the fact that Belle de Jour, blogger, former prostitute, and head of the Diary of a London Call Girl publishing empire has revealed herself to be Dr. Brooke Magnanti, research scientist at the Bristol Initiative for Research of Child Health.

"When she’s not blogging about her past sexploits, she using her Ph.D. in informatics, epidemiology, and forensic science to research the effects of pesticides on children. How’s that for an unexpected spin on the whore-with-the-heart-of-gold theme? I’m kinda jealous of her, I have to admit. Magnanti is like a year of feminist studies rolled into one. I would have loved to be the first credible candidate for one of feminism’s holy grails: the empowered sex worker — able to expose herself to patriarchal fantasies of male domination without becoming damaged goods.

"We may have to add her to our pantheon of saints right up there with Susan Faludi and Katha Pollitt. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a more level-headed and reasonable explanation for becoming a call-girl than this one by Magnanti:

“'I couldn’t find a professional job in my chosen field because I didn’t have my Ph.D. yet. I didn’t have a lot of spare time on my hands because I was still making corrections and preparing for the viva; and I got through my savings a lot faster than I thought I would...What can I do that I can start doing straightaway, that doesn’t require a great deal of training or investment to get started, that’s cash in hand and that leaves me spare time to do my work in?'”

"Is this woman a scientist or what? Now before you go all ballistic and chastise either myself or Dr. Magnanti for our lack of moral fiber, let me add two things: working as an escort is not illegal in the United Kingdom. Yup, prostitution is above board in England — it’s the activities that make sex work a nasty dangerous enterprise that are illegal — no streetwalking, no pimps, no brothels. Secondly, the idea that prostitution is the only commodified form of erotic activity is crazy. Consider the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition for a moment—$6.99 and all you get is the illusion of female sexuality. Magnanti may well be the rare woman who can, as Gloria Steinem put it to Vermont Woman, “'experience sexuality as power.…It’s not sexuality that’s the problem, it’s whose sexuality and why?'” That’s also why I can love Belle de Jour and still condemn human trafficking, the prostitution of children, and pimping without appearing hypocritical or naive.

"And lest you think I dodged the whole morality question, let me answer in more detail by punting to a smarter mind. In Feminist Issues in Prostitution, Sarah Bromberg asserts that our stern disapproval of call girls stems '“from an underlying assumption in conventional morality that involvement in prostitution will necessarily have degenerative effects on a person leading her to other criminal activities...Prostitution is not a profound condition of degeneracy and in many instances it may be a self-regarding expression of a person surviving in the best way given their skills and opportunities.'” Take that, you Puritans!

"So, I’m a big fan of Dr. Magnanti now; I might even buy her new book, Belle de Jour’s Guide to Men. I have a feeling her point of view might be more interesting than the play-hard-to-get, treat-men-like-untrainable-dogs claptrap we women usually get. [As it turns out, the start of chapter one hits the "men are like untrainable dogs" metaphor pretty hard. I guess some stereotypes are hard to break, even if you're a pioneering scientist/call girl.]”

Belle de Jour’s Guide to Men, published by Orion Books, hit store shelves in the United Kingdom on Oct. 1. Not yet available in the US, it is widely available at UK bookstores, or via Amazon’s UK division.

When you’re there, be sure and check out Belle’s other books: The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl, September 2005; The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl, May 2007; and Playing the Game, June 2009. Not a ringer in the bunch – trust me!

— The Curator

Parents Wake Up: Talk to Your Kids About SEX!!

This is a vitally important topic, so no cute lead on this one: Kids need to know about sex from their parents before they have sex – duh!

Well, a recent study finds that parents are not talking soon enough, partly because kids are having sexual encounters at a younger age than in prior generations, and also because parents are in denial.

As a result, the birds-and-the-bees conversation occurs after, and not before, kids start experimenting sexually, possibly in risky ways, according to a study in the January issue of Pediatrics. In the study, researchers found “The Talk” about safe sex, birth control or sexually transmitted diseases often occurs after many adolescents are already having actual intercourse.

This revelation comes despite American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations that health-care providers and parents talk to their kids about sex and sexuality early in life.

"Parents are a little behind the 8-ball. They underestimate their children's sexual knowledge and interest and behaviors," said Dr. Lawrence Friedman, director of adolescent medicine at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine.

"It's a hard subject for many parents to broach, but the level of sexual activity in many kids has moved up in terms of initiation. It's younger," added Alan Hilfer, director of psychology at Maimonides Medical Center in New York City. "Talking about it is very helpful in terms of disease prevention, unwanted pregnancy and even issues around relationships."

According to experts, this is a troublesome trend, as teens who have had a sex talk with their parents are more likely to delay their first sexual encounter, and to practice safe sex when they do become sexually active.

Although there were long-term suspicions that parents lagged behind their kids, previous studies had asked adults to remember when they first had sex and when their parents talked to them, said study author Megan Beckett, a social scientist with the Rand Corp. in Santa Monica, Calif.

For this study, Beckett and her colleagues surveyed 141 middle-class and upper middle-class parents and their children, aged 13 to 17, in more of a real-time scenario. "We went back about four times over a year's period," Beckett said.

The study involved the families enrolling in the Talking Parents, Healthy Teens program, and should serve as a wake-up call for parents. The parents and children responded to a questionnaire covering 24-issues regarding sex and sexuality, including how pregnancy occurred, body changes during puberty, condom and birth control applications, as well as sexual identity and homosexuality.

Separately, parents and children were asked the first time they discussed each topic, which was then compared with the teens’ self-reports about engaging in three specific categories of sexual behavior i.e. hand-holding or kissing; genital touching or oral sex; and intercourse.

By study-end, over half the parents reported 14 of the 24-sex-related topics had not been discussed, by which time their adolescents had already begun genital touching or oral sex with partners.

Starting with questions about girls bodies and menstruation, the research team asked parents and children about kissing and handholding, birth control, refusing sex, oral sex and intercourse, all related to different developmental stages of the kids.

More than half of children had experienced genital touching before "The Talk" about birth control, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and condom use, the researchers found.

"More than 40 percent of adolescents are having intercourse before parents have talked to them about STD symptoms, condom use, choosing birth control and what to do if your partner refuses to use a condom," Beckett said. "That's a pretty large number."

Forty-two percent of girls said they had not discussed the effectiveness of birth control, while 40 percent had not talked it over with their parents on how to refuse sex before engaging in genital touching.

Nearly 70 percent of boys had not discussed condom use or other birth-control methods before having intercourse, with only half their parents saying they had not discussed the issues. About two-thirds of boys said they had not talked with a parent about how to use a condom before having intercourse. And conversations with boys almost always took place later than talks with girls.

"This is a flag to not put it off, and this is especially the case with boys," Beckett said.

Denial, naivety and any number of other emotions on the part of the parents may be playing into this trend, Friedman said.

"They reminisce that when they were in the seventh grade, they didn't do that kind of thing," he said.

"The fact of the matter is that this is 25 years later, and this is what is going on. You have to be knowledgeable and prepared to prepare children for when they become teenagers and have to confront sexual kinds of activities."

Other experts agree. "We live in an R-rated society, and our kids need our PG guidance," said Dr. Frank Biro, head of adolescent medicine at Cincinnati Children's Hospital. "If you want to instill knowledge and values, then you need to be talking to your kids earlier, not later."

Here are some tips on when and how to talk to your kids:

— Figure that the age you think is appropriate is probably too old. "If parents think that they should broach the topic at X age, they should subtract two years and do it at that age instead," Friedman said.

— Talk to your physician and scour resources from the Internet, libraries and schools about how to broach the subject and what to say.

— Take the lead. "Don't expect your child to come and ask an important question about a topic that they're embarrassed about or that they don't know their parents would be willing to talk to them about," Friedman said. "This will also help gauge how knowledgeable their teenager or child is."

— After you've talked, "step back and ask your kids questions and pay attention to what they're interested in," Hilfer said.

— Make sure your conversation is developmentally appropriate to the child, Biro said. Talking about fellatio with a 6-year-old is probably not appropriate. Talking about boys liking girls and handholding would be for kids 8 or 9 years or possibly even 6 years old. "If you haven't talked to your kids by the time they're 12, you need to get on the stick," said Hilfer.

— Make sure that kids understand the risks of even casual experimentation. AIDS, STD’s and unwanted pregnancies can happen even if the kids do not have full-on intercourse.

— Make sure kids know how to say "no," that it's OK to refuse any sexual suggestion, and that they are not uncool to do so.

— Swallow your unease. Your embarrassment is nothing compared to your kid getting pregnant or AIDS!

— Be senstive to your kids about feelings of shame. Make sure they understand that sexual feelings are normal and natural, and that you still have them.

— Make sure that kids know they can count on you if they get into ANY kind of trouble, without judgment or getting a lecture.

— LISTEN TO YOUR KIDS! Pretty basic, but may be the most important tips that adults can ignore. They understand they need to talk, but the listening — not so much.

In addition, it is important for all parents to know the correct terms and the anatomy of both genders. It is unbelievable, but it has been my experience that many adults have the same knowledge about sex as adolescents – they have not updated their own information in decades! Only give your kids correct information!

I also believe that no discussion about sex can omit a conversation about masturbation. Sexual impulses are natural, and masturbation is a safe-sex way to release those feelings in private, and for teens to learn about, and accept, their bodies.

Discussion about sexual identity has to be part of any conversation with kids. Believe me, kids will hear about homosexuality from other kids, and often that information is ugly and destructive. If children have begun to believe they are not heterosexual, the feelings of shame begin very, very early. Parents have to be conscious of what their kids are feeling, and observant, even if what you see is not something you may approve of, or want for them.

Unconditional love begins when parents embrace their children for who they are, including the sexuality, and realize that a lot of the rules have changed. Arm your kids with information on how to keep safe, as well as explaining the emotions that occur with even casual sexual contact.

Unwanted pregnancies, AIDS and other STD’s are not the only sexual minefields all kids have to cross. Peer pressure, even rape; poor body image; sexual identity; and even broken hearts are just some of the others. Whew! I am often glad that I do not have young children in this day and age.

— The Curator

House of Commons VERY Common

Happily, the U.S. isn’t the only country where hypocrisy in public office rules, as a current embarrassing scandal swirling around England’s Smoke right now underscores.

This particular example originates from London and features the unlikely adventures of House of Commons Speaker John Bercow, a Conservative, and Sally, his self-proclaimed ambitious wife.

Last week, Mrs. Bercow, 40, said she planned to go into politics, but revealed that she used to be a binge-drinker in college who enjoyed casual sex with strangers.

After the disclosure, her husband, 46, became embroiled in a controversy of his own regarding whether he penned a very embarrassing and chauvinistic guide to picking up women that recommends a pick-up line involving naming breasts.

A spokesman for the Speaker at first implied that Bercow was the author of the piece, which appeared 1986 in Armageddon, a low-budget conservative magazine said to have a “tiny circulation.”

“This article appeared in a magazine that specialized in being both funny and provocative. It in no way reflects the Speaker’s views today,” the spokesman said, in no way denying Bercow's authorship.

However, Bercow is now contradicting his spokesman’s statements, insisting that he was not the author of a guide that provided methods to lure drunken women into bed, entitled, “The John Bercow Guide to Understanding Women.” Instead, he now maintains that it had been a parody of him written at a time when he was also Tory councilor (chairman) of the Federation of Conservative Students.

"There has been some confusion in media reports about the so-called John Bercow Sex Guide," he said in a written statement. "This article was not written by me but about me, mocking the fact that I was the last person likely to express the sentiments cited in the piece. I made this clear when the story first surfaced in the South London press 23 years ago and am doing again now."

Armageddon is a magazine for young Tories. In the “guide” Bercow reportedly offered a variety of advice on how to pick up drunk girls, how to pick up virgins, and how to get rid of a girl after sex, and included the valuable tip that, "women will settle for anything that breathes and has a credit card."

The further insulting pick-up line was: "If you're free later maybe we could go back to your place and name your breasts."

The guide went on to opine that when a man wanted to be rid of the desperate dipsomaniac, just say: "Don't move, I have just broken a test tube filled with the AIDS virus." Even in the Eighties, when no one understood much about the deadly disease, that “joke” must have been very, very uncomfortable.

Mrs. Bercow’s remarks about long-ago binge drinking and one-night stands appeared in an interview she gave to the London Evening Standard. It has been suggested that her hand might have been forced, that there may have been someone in the background with something incriminating.

However, she has said that the reason she gave the revealing interview was because she's already been accused of being untruthful about her resume – an accusation she denies – and that she's hoping there are no "skeletons" to be revealed that might damage her political ambitions. London pundits have said that her remarks would not have received so much attention if her husband was not hugely unpopular with his Tory colleagues.

Mrs. Bercow said that when she was an Oxford student she drank a lot (“I had no stop button”), and that she continued drinking a lot as a young woman working in advertising in London (bottle at lunch, bottle at dinner, sometimes fell off things).

She said that sometimes in her 20’s she went to bed with men she had only just met at a bar (“I’d think, why not? I liked the excitement of not knowing how a night was going to end”). Occasionally she fell asleep — all that alcohol — and missed her stop on the Tube (underground subway.) She said she, “smoked like a trooper,” and took unlicensed minicabs.

Mrs. Bercow said she stopped drinking entirely in 2000, after a couple of visits to Alcoholics Anonymous, “because it wasn’t fun any more,” and has adjusted her other questionable behavior patterns since.

She added that she wouldn't recommend any of it to her daughters – she'd warn them off using unlicensed minicabs as well, she said.

Astoundingly, Mr. Bercow was sharply criticized by his own party for “allowing her” to give the interview.

--- The Curator

Belle de Jour's Latest Emails!!

The always fabulous Belle de Jour has just posted her “post-coming out edition” that describes some oft repeated comments she's received since she has disclosed her true identity, and what they really mean.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with her, Belle de Jour had been the nom de plume of a celebrated British erotic author, and award-winning blogger, who was also a London call girl for two years.

On Nov. 15, Belle revealed her true identity through a voluntary interview with the London Sunday Times. Brooke’s specialist areas are developmental neurotoxicology and cancer epidemiology. She has a PhD in informatics, epidemiology and forensic science and is now working at the Bristol Initiative for Research of Child Health. She is currently part of a team researching the potential effects on babies of their mothers' exposure to toxic chemicals.

But, from 2003 to late 2004, Brooke worked as a prostitute via a London escort agency; she started blogging as Belle de Jour — after the Buñuel film starring Catherine Deneuve as a well-to-do housewife who has sex for money because she’s bored — shortly into her career as a call girl, after an incident she thought funny enough to write down.

She charged £300 an hour for her services, of which she got £200. The average appointment lasted two hours; she saw clients two or three times a week, “sometimes less, sometimes a great deal more,” she has said.

As Belle de Jour, Brooke, of Bristol, England, has written four books and an award-winning blog about her work in the sex industry. The media furor triggered by her decision to disclosed her true identity continues across the UK.

You can read her fresh post below in its entirety, or read it directly on Brooke’s blog.

“mercredi, décembre 2

I've been overwhelmed with messages of support in the last few weeks - and not a little criticism, which is only to be expected. Something unexpected, however, is that while the people who support have shared amazing, individual stories that it makes me smile to read, those in the opposing camp fall into several tried-and-true patterns. In a way it's good - seeing the subtext of people's arguments against me is a useful heuristic for sorting out those not worth my time.

So here it is! Your cut-and-keep guide to what people say vs. what people really mean: post-coming out edition. Hope you find it useful too! I'm considering making a board game version of this and calling it Rosie Boycott Bingo.

When someone says: "I have too much respect for myself ever to do that."

What they mean is: "My self-esteem is so fragile that stepping outside the mainstream would mess it up for life."

When someone says: "She's not even that good-looking."

What they mean is: "This woman's choices make me uncomfortable but I don't have the intelligence to address that so will criticise her looks instead."

When someone says: "See? Other people in her family have problems. That explains everything."

What they mean is: "In spite of the fact that all families have difficulties, I'm going to pretend otherwise in order to make an ad hominem attack."

When someone says: "Stories like this glamourise a trade that enslaves and kills women."

What they mean is: "I don't actually know the difference between the separate issues affecting call girls, massage parlours, brothels, and streetwalkers, and I'm not going to bother finding out."

When someone says: "I wouldn't pay £300 for that."

What they mean is: "I think a woman's value, sexual or otherwise, is entirely based on her looks."

When someone says: "I have similar factors in my life and didn't choose this route."

What they mean is: "I am unfamiliar with the notion that free will more or less assures that people will makes decisions I would not have done."

When someone says: "If she liked the job so much why isn't she still doing it?"

What they mean is: "I don't believe people can, or should, change direction in their lives without self-hatred and regret."

Posted by belle at 5:22 PM”

Belle de Jour’s Guide to Men, published by Orion Books, hit store shelves in the United Kingdom on Oct. 1. Not yet available in the US, it is widely available across the pond at UK bookstores, or via Amazon’s UK division.

When you’re there, be sure and check out Belle’s other books: The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl, September 2005; The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl, May 2007; and Playing the Game, June 2009. Not a ringer in the bunch – trust me!

— The Curator

Updated: Woods Apologizes and Alleged Third Woman

Embattled iconic golfer and athlete Tiger  Woods confessed Wednesday to unspecified “transgressions” and apologized to his family and fans, while yet a third woman has now been romantically linked to the star.

Late Thursday, the first woman who was his alleged mistress, New York nightclub hostess Rachel Utichel, scheduled a press conference where she was expected to admit the affair and offer proof. Prior to that, she had categorically denied the relationship. Unexpectedly, that press conference was canceled due to "unforeseen circumstances," and there would be no further statement.

Sadly, yet a third leggy brunette has surfaced as a suspected mistress of Woods. After hostess ad Playboy model Uchitel, and reality television star turned Las Vegas cocktail waitress Jaimee Grubbs, it is the marketing manager of “The Bank,” a night club in Bellagio in Las Vegas.

Her name is Kalika Moquin. She had been featured on a Las Vegas magazine and is considered to be one of the most influential people in Las Vegas. According to the rumors that are circulating around this woman, she was privy to the intimate details of the Woods’ marital life.

What increased the media’s attention in the story is that Moquin did not follow the route taken by Grubbs, and now apparently Utichel. She was not willing to comment on her relationship with Woods.

While on the one hand she did not say that she was actually having an affair with the golfer, on the other hand, she said that she did not think that it was appropriate of her to comment on the matter. Now that is enough of an innuendo for the press to become curios about the affair.

Rumors claim that Woods had imparted to her gritty details of his marriage with Elin Norgreden.

He had allegedly told her that he was unhappy about his marriage and that he was under a lot of pressure regarding his home life. Reportedly, the two had met some two years back, but the affair had started between them sometime this October. She had been allegedly seen with Woods a couple of times at his hotel in Vegas, as late as Oct. 23.

I used to be a print journalist – for decades. In the old days, a celebrity’s private life was definitely off-limits. The same was true for politicians, unless their private behavior had an impact on their public behavior/governing.

Sadly, those days are truly dead and buried. For years now, “anything and everything goes” has been the credo of the “new news media,” and the more prurient the better. If said bad behavior involves a politician: wahoo; but if that bad behavior involves a celebrity: wahoo, WAHOO!

Well, can you say jackpot! The media gets to excoriate the most famous golfer/athlete on the planet! In fact, he’s even the first sports star who has made $1 billion, and has established a non-profit foundation that helps children worldwide. What makes the rabid press salivate and gnash their teeth even more is that Woods has built that empire on a squeaky-clean image of a stalwart family man, who in actual fact appears to be a deeply troubled man with a disturbing trail of a serial infidelities.

Well, Woods has proven that he is a guy with faults, albeit huge ones, just like so many of the rest of us. He’s acted very inappropriately, and he got caught. He’s sorry and he wants to deal with the inevitable fallout of his atrocious behavior with his wife and family. Let him!

The pathologically private Woods was forced to confront rumors of having serial infidelities publicly because of the feeding frenzy by the media, and posted a somewhat tortured statement Wednesday on his Web site, that included his heartfelt apology.

"I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart," he writes. "I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect."

But why was he forced to do this publicly? Why do we believe that we have a right to know the very, very private, even intimate behavior of sports celebrities, and other celebrities? Since when does being arguably the greatest golfer in history, mean that he has to come clean about his private behavior to the worldwide masses?

In the wake of a one-car accident last week, rumors had swirled that the crash was somehow caused by allegations that Woods, 33, had been involved in an affair behind wife's back. Despite Florida authorities saying they considered the case closed, scrutiny only grew – and another woman emerged, claiming she and the pro golfer had been involved in a 31-month romance, complete with torrid text messages and some voice mails.

Woods categorically denied reports that domestic violence could have played any role in the car accident as "utterly false and malicious."

While Tiger did not clarify the "transgressions," today’s Web site statement came after 24-year-old Los Angeles cocktail waitress Grubbs claimed to have had a three-year-long affair with the golf superstar. She said she has the evidence to prove it.

In a voicemail, apparently from Woods to Grubbs, posted on the US Weekly Web site, a panicked and strained voice identified as Woods by US Weekly apparently begs Grubbs to change her voicemail greeting. The voicemail is from Nov. 24, the day before reports of his alleged affairs surfaced, according to US Weekly.

"Hey it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor," Woods says in the message. "Can you please, uh, take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. If you can, please take your name off that and, um, what do you call it, just have it as a number on the voicemail. Just have it as your telephone number. You have to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye."

I have to say, Woods has a very distinctive voice, and the recording that was played in the media is unmistakably HIS voice.

The voicemail was accompanied by a lengthy article in which Grubbs claims to have had 20 sexual encounters with Woods since April 2007. She also claims to have more than "three hundred racy texts from Woods," as well as photos.

International attention was thrust on Woods this weekend following a bizarre single-vehicle crash early Friday morning which sent Woods temporarily to the hospital. The crash occurred about 2:30 a.m., outside Woods’ home in Windermere, Fla. Woods, who had been driving at a slow speed, hit a mail box then careened into a tree. Woods has said that his wife heard the crash, rushed out and used a golf club to knock out the back windows of the vehicle and dragged him out of the wreckage. A neighbor who called 911, told police that Woods was unconscious for a short time.

Woods, who suffered facial lacerations, cuts and bruises said later that his wife “acted courageously,” in helping him.

The crash fueled a barrage of media speculation that the crash might be linked to tabloid reports Woods' had allegedly been cheating on his wife with Utichel.

Utichel categorically denied any romantic involvement with Woods on Tuesday. Yet on Thursday, Utichel's denial had been expected to be reveresed. She had scheduled a press conference where she was expected to confirm she had an affair with him, and to provide proof. The press conference was canceled.

Later Tuesday Grubbs' claims about her affair with Woods appeared on the US Weekly Web site.

Before Grubbs spoke out about their alleged relationship, Woods apparently referenced the tabloid allegations of the affair with Utichel in a statement on his Web site following the accident.

In an earlier statement, Woods praised his wife for "acting courageously" to help him after his accident and denounced "unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me."

After a five-day investigation, the Florida Highway Patrol announced Tuesday Woods was issued a traffic citation for careless driving. Woods had refused to meet with troopers investigating the crash on three separate occasions, ostensibly because Florida in among states that adheres to “Sunshine Laws,” meaning that every police report and taken statement becomes public record. His lawyer said Woods paid a $164 fine and lost four points on his license. He will not face criminal charges stemming from last week's car crash, investigators said.

"We are pleased with the outcome," said Tiger's attorney Mark NeJame. "It's over."

On Tuesday, the lawyer for the neighbor who called 911 after Woods' car crash said that the golf star's injuries had appeared to be the result of the accident and not a domestic dispute.

Woods dropped out of this week's Chevron World Challenge in California, which he has hosted for nine years, because of injuries sustained in the crash.

The following, is Wood’s complete statement he issued Wednesday on his website:

“I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. I am dealing with my behavior and personal failings behind closed doors with my family. Those feelings should be shared by us alone.


“Although I am a well-known person and have made my career as a professional athlete, I have been dismayed to realize the full extent of what tabloid scrutiny really means. For the last week, my family and I have been hounded to expose intimate details of our personal lives. The stories in particular that physical violence played any role in the car accident were utterly false and malicious. Elin has always done more to support our family and shown more grace than anyone could possibly expect.


“But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions.


“Whatever regrets I have about letting my family down have been shared with and felt by us alone. I have given this a lot of reflection and thought and I believe that there is a point at which I must stick to that principle even though it's difficult.


“I will strive to be a better person and the husband and father that my family deserves. For all of those who have supported me over the years, I offer my profound apology.”


Obviously, the ugly public chapter for Woods continues, and continues to get even uglier, if possible.

Woods has a lot of difficult days ahead dealing with his wife, his family, the crush of the media, and whatever it is within his own psyche that caused his behavior.

A man as smart as Woods should have known that his womanizing would eventually be exposed. The fact that he didn't, or that the possibility of explosive discovery failed to deter his self-destructive course, speaks volumes about his mindset, and dire need of professional help.

I hope that he gets that psychological help that he obviously needs, and that his wife gets all of the love and support that she needs from family and friends to some how cope with all of this, so that she can decide what she should, or should not do in terms of her life and marriage.

I also hope that Woods image as the top golfer remains undiminished, but it is probable now that his “brand” will indeed suffer, and that he may lose endorsements or sponsors. They have steadfastly stood behind him so far, but that was before the third woman emerged, and prior to Utichel's apparent about face and big reveal.

The extent of any financial damage remains to be seen, and may likely depend upon any further unsavory revelations that become public. I truly hope, however, that his very important non-profit organization to benefit children continues to thrive despite the burgeoning scandal.


— The Curator