We Still Have a Very Long Way to Go

Two incidents in New York this week underscore the ongoing turmoil within our society over homosexuality: The state’s highest court heard arguments that could have profound effects on the battle over same-sex marriage, and an openly gay man was beaten almost to death in a homophobic hate crime.

The victim, Jack Price, 49, was beaten by two men outside a 24-hour deli in College Point, Queens, early Friday. Police believe the attack on Price was a homophobic assault because his two male attackers shouted anti-gay slurs as they beat him senseless. The vicious assault was captured on the deli’s outdoor surveillance camera.

Price’s injuries were so severe that he was placed in a medically-induced coma, but fortuately awoke on Wednesday and is coherent, according to his family. He suffered broken ribs, a fractured jaw and a lacerated spleen. His condition has been described as serious but stable.

One suspect, Daniel Aleman, 26, was arrested on Sunday and charged with assault and aggravated assault as a hate crime. He faces 15 years in prison if convicted.

The second suspect, Daniel Rodriguez, 21, was arrested and taken into custody late Tuesday. He was found in Norfolk, Virginia, and was being returned to New York. He is expected to face the same charges.

Ironically, earlier in the day, the New York State Court of Appeals heard emotional arguments in two separate same-sex marriage cases that it is considering jointly. Both cases were brought by organizations opposed to gay marriage.

The civil cases concern relatively narrow executive and administrative orders pertaining to the extension of benefits, like health insurance to certain same-sex spouses. These same-sex spouses are of government employees who married in jurisdictions where such marriages are legal.

In one of the cases, opponents of same-sex marriage are challenging a 2007 policy, adopted by the New York State Department of Civil Service, that extended health insurance benefits to the same-sex partners of state and local government employees who married in states that allow such marriages.

In the other case, opponents are seeking to overturn an administrative order issued in 2006 by Andrew J. Spano, the Westchester County executive, directing county officials to recognize same-sex unions performed elsewhere.

A broad enough ruling by the Court of Appeals could force New York state businesses and local governments to recognize out-of-state marriages between same-sex couples, effectively legalizing the unions of thousands of New Yorkers who were married in Vermont, Iowa, parts of Canada and other places where same-sex marriage is legal.

(Can you even imagine how gay marrieds must feel if they move and the government says: Whoops, sorry, the vows you took under God and witnessed by man mean nothing at all!)

The plaintiffs in both cases are being represented by the Alliance Defense Fund, a very conservative legal-advocacy group based in Scottsdale, Ariz., whose lawyers have argued that state officials and Spano exceeded their authority. Lower courts have sided with state and local officials in the two cases, upholding the extension of those benefits to same-sex couples.

The fund is also coordinating the legal fight against a much broader executive order on gay unions that NY Gov. David A. Paterson issued in 2008. It required all state agencies to revise their policies and regulations to recognize gay couples legally married out of state.

While the legal challenge to Paterson’s order has not yet reached the Court of Appeals, questioning by the court’s judges during arguments in these two narrower cases raised the possibility that they might leapfrog to the larger question raised in all three cases: Whether New York must recognize same-sex marriages performed elsewhere, even though such unions are not recognized in New York.

“I guess what I’m struggling with is, the marriage-recognition rule would not be unique to state government,” said Judge Victoria A. Graffeo, referring to the legal doctrine under which most marriages legally performed in one state are generally recognized in other states. “That would also apply to the private sector, then, if our court indicates that the marriage-recognition rule requires the recognition of these marriages.”

In 2006, the court ruled 4 to 2 that gay couples had no right to get married under existing state law or the State Constitution, holding that limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples was based on legitimate societal goals, primarily the protection and welfare of children.

Paterson introduced legislation this year that would legalize gay marriage, making it one of his top legislative priorities. The bill passed in the Assembly but has stalled in the Senate. A decision by the Court of Appeals requiring New York to recognize out-of-state gay marriages would provide gay-marriage advocates, who have been campaigning to legalize same-sex marriages in New York, with a significant victory.

But during Tuesday’s questioning, Appellate Judge Robert S. Smith noted that courts, when presented with the choice of issuing a narrow or a broad ruling, usually favored a narrower one.

“We’ll get the next case soon enough,” Judge Smith said, in what appeared to be a reference to the challenge to Paterson’s order.

Brian W. Raum, a lawyer for the plaintiffs, suggested that he would prefer a broad ruling that would block state officials from recognizing gay marriages of any kind, absent approval by the Legislature.

“We don’t think” that the state civil service agency or the Westchester executive have “the authority to recognize same-sex marriages from other jurisdictions for any purpose,” Raum said.

In the violent assault, Price was attacked as he went for a pack of cigarettes, and remains in the intensive care unit at Booth Memorial Hospital.

"Look what they did to him because he is gay," Price's sister-in-law said, standing in his hospital room. "It is in God's hands right now. There is nothing more they can do for him."

The 5-foot-6, 130-pound man has been near death since the Friday, 3 a.m., beating when the two men jumped him outside the 24-hour corner deli on College Point Boulevard.

Price never hid his sexual orientation from neighbors. His relatives think the two assailants recognized him, and then attacked outside the deli.

"They were walking in the store calling him a 'faggot,'" said Price's sister-in-law, who asked not to be named.

Price told his family about the ordeal from his hospital bed Friday, before losing consciousness.

(Will this madness never end? This issue hurts my heart so much I always feel inadequate in expressing myself. How a person’s innate sexuality affects anyone beyond their bed-partner remains lost on me. I will say what I do know: Sexuality is not a choice, it’s biological. Goddess, God, Creator, Allah or whatever Higher Power you believe in, created each and every human being, gay, bi or straight. Thus, homosexuality is as much a gift from that Higher Power as is being straight. It is not a religious issue, any more than your drive to slake your thirst or fill your stomach with food. Biology is neutral. Why do we insist on tearing at each other, so?)

Odds 'n Ends

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Polanski Case May Lead to Foreign Minister Ouster

Even the usually tolerant French are looking askance at an exploding “sex tourism” scandal surrounding their state cultural minister – who publicly criticized the arrest of Roman Polanski.

The scandal surrounding Cultural Minister Frédéric Mitterrand, 62, took a new turn late last week when he confessed to paying for prostitution, but denied pedophilia during trips to Thailand that he had previously written about in a 2005 autobiography.

Mitterrand has said his autobiography was mined for dirt to topple him from his post after publicly backing filmmaker Roman Polanski, who faces US extradition on 40-year-old child rape charges.

In a televised interview late Thursday from Paris, Mitterrand confirmed that he took trips to Thailand to cruise the "slave markets" and brothels for boys, and had paid for sexual encounters, but maintained that the “boys” in question were not minors but "youths." Paying for prostitution is legal in France, but not trading in sexual slavery.

Mitterrand is openly homosexual and a nephew of former French president François Mitterrand, who had been the country’s last Socialist president.

The minister stressed that homosexuals refer to all adult males as, "boys." But, In his 2005 memoirs, the minister, who is now facing political disgrace, writes that he got, "into the habit of paying for boys."

"The profusion of young, very attractive and immediately available boys put me in a state of desire that I no longer needed to restrain or hide," he says in a passage of the book entitled, "La mauvaise vie" or "The Bad Life."

"All these rituals of the market for youths, the slave market excite me enormously… One could judge this abominable spectacle from a moral standpoint but it pleases me beyond the reasonable," he adds.

In Thursday’s TV interview, Mitterrand claimed that although he had described them as "young boys,” he went to Thailand to have sex with prostitutes who were his "own age."

During the interview, Mitterrand said that he condemns "sex tourism," which he called, "a disgrace."

"The book is in no way an apology for sex tourism, even if one chapter is a journey through that hell, with all the fascination that hell can inspire," he added.

The book was critically acclaimed in its day and Mitterrand, who has never hidden his homosexuality, was widely praised for his honesty.

Mitterrand's book came back to haunt him only after he offered a spirited defense of filmmaker Roman Polanski.

Polanski, now 76, was arrested in Switzerland in late September stemming from an active 1978 arrest warrant from Los Angeles for having sex with a 13-year-old girl. He had initially been charged with a host of really horrible crimes, including kidnaping, and rape, and was also accused of drugging the girl to make her pliant enough to submit. Polanski had been living in France since he had fled from the US.

The award-winning director remains in Swiss custody and is fighting extradition to LA, where he potentially faces years in prison. Reports today say that he has offered his victim a half-million-dollars in a civil settlement.

Among other comments in support of Polanski, Mitterrand has called the arrest "terrible." He has suggested that his scandal was dredged up from his book by detractors who are trying to have him ousted because of his pro-Polanski stance.

In a news account in Saturday’s London Times, sources claim French President Nicolas Sarkozy has been reluctant to fire Mitterrand because of his wife, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, who had recommended his appointment and continues to support him.

The scandal has also sharply “highlighted the chasm between the French and the Anglo-Saxons. In Britain it would be unthinkable for anyone known to have paid boys for sex to land a minister’s job. France takes a more tolerant view and Mitterrand has been allowed to keep his job, protesting that he had sex with consenting adults rather than the ‘kids’ he described in his book,” writes Matthew Campbell for the London Times.

Despite some very strong calls for his resignation or removal from both sides of the political spectrum, members of Nicolas Sarkozy's inner circle have stepped up in Mitterand's defense.

Earlier last week, a top aide to the French president, Henri Guaino, told France 2 television that the media scandal was "pathetic," arguing that there was no need for Mitterrand to leave the cabinet.

"When there is a controversy as pathetic as this, with so much delay, I don't think there should be such drastic consequences," Guaino said.

The French far-right Front National has launched an online petition to call for Mitterand's resignation. The Socialist opposition party has also called it appalling that “an abusive pedophile” was serving as a cabinet minister.

"I find it shocking that a man can justify sex tourism under the cover of a literary account," a top Socialist figure, Benoît Hamon, said, according to a report posted by The Daily Telegraph.

Mitterrand has responded to the attacks by saying that it is "honor" for him to be dragged through "the mud by the National Front."

According to the London Times on Saturday, the French public’s patience may be wearing thin, and there are signs that Sarkozy may end up paying a political price for the scandal and his continued support for the beleaguered Mitterrand.

There is grumbling among his allies over Bruni-Sarkozy’s role and what had, until now, been regarded as a brilliant presidential strategy to undermine the Socialist opposition by offering top jobs to its heroes, racial minorities and to openly gay politicians.

According to media accounts, only a quarter of viewers found Mitterrand convincing as he responded with indignation and anger to a grilling by a female journalist during Thursday’s TV interview focusing on his activities in Thailand’s brothels.

The Curator: Generally, I weave my commentary into the report as it proceeds. In this instance, I am expressing my views at the end because I am so FUCKING furious that I did not trust myself to present the actual facts in any kind of balanced way.

Mitterrand claimed he had asked Sarkozy if he thought the book would be “an obstacle.” The president had replied: “Not at all. I’ve read it. It’s a very good book.”

How is it even possible in this day and age that a developed country would promote anyone who had admitted to cruising sexual “slave markets” in an impoverished country? Are you FUCKING kidding me?

Mitterrand was described as “mild mannered,” as if that excused his reprehensible behavior. Sexual slave markets exist because men (infrequently women) like Mitterrand service them! Survival at its most basic drives parents to sell children into this torturous existence, or children already living on the streets are forced to survive in such a debased fashion.

I was sexually molested as a child. I’m 53 now and I still haven’t gotten over it – can you even imagine how damaged, destroyed these children are/will be?

Let me be clear, I strongly support the decriminalization of prostitution, but only involving consenting adults! The concept of sexual slavery boggles the mind and seems a fabrication of novelists – not journalists. It is so far from US sensibilities that I am at a loss to know the correct response. I do know this: Mitterrand should be removed – NOW. He should have been prosecuted, but at the very least, he should lose a bit of the privilege that put him in a position to participate in such heinous behavior. He should be a public disgrace.

In fact, all of France, and other countries too, should do some real soul searching about enabling such an abusive subculture to exist anywhere, either in developed or underdeveloped countries.

In America, we bear a lot of responsibility for the propagation of drug production worldwide because we buy as much of this poison as they are able to produce. While sexual slavery is rare here, we in the US also drive children into prostitution to survive, and then pay for their “services.” Often, drug use and addiction causes women and children to turn tricks to get drugs, what law enforcement calls, "things for things."

For God’s sake, at some point, this type of destructive madness must end. To be human at a fundamental level dictates that we must protect children – whether they reside next door, or on a dirt street half-way around the world.

The One-and-Only, Amazing Belle de Jour!

When I initially vowed to pen a feature about this unforgettable UK author, I didn’t even have a blog on which to post it! Now, I do, ironically having begun my blog the very week that she’s published her fourth book – talk about synchronicity.

Belle de Jour’s Guide to Men, published by Orion Books, hit store shelves in the United Kingdom on Oct. 1. Not yet available in the US, it is widely available across the pond at UK bookstores, or via Amazon’s UK division at Amazon UK.


For those of you who are unfamiliar with her, Belle de Jour is the nom de plume of the celebrated erotic author, and award-winning blogger, who was also a London call girl for two years.

Despite the continued best endeavors of the worldwide media, she remains anonymous. I, for one, respect her decision to remain unknown, as her writing is known and speaks volumes for her. Frankly, the only thing I care about is that she keeps writing, and writing, and writing!

I first found Belle (I feel I can talk about her like a dear friend because I read her blog daily) shortly after she began her blog in 2003. Her blog, located at Belle de Jour was, and is, incredible. She writes about her sexual adventures and misadventures while having worked in the sex industry, along with so very much more. In truth, Belle writes about life.


What sets her blog apart is not merely her topics, and the approach she uses, but the way she writes. She has a unique style, an unforgettable voice. Equal parts humor, wit, wisdom and shining, literate brilliance, there is unflinching truth within her writing that’s also incredibly entertaining.

In addition, she's a sex-positive woman who likes men! I don't mean just in bed, but as a species. Can you imagine? In this day and age of constant man bashing by so-called feminists, it's refreshing to read a different approach. Belle breaks ever mold, and challenges tired and offensive stereotypes, while having a wonderfully sex-filled time of it all.

That unique mixture continues to propel her into the international spotlight, and has also left her with a lot of well-earned awards for her mantlepiece – where ever it is that Belle calls home!

Her recent book, Belle de Jour’s Guide to Men, published Oct. 01, will be followed in 12 months by Belle de Jour’s Guide to Women. Woohoo, more Belle to look forward to! (Note: Orion Books has kindly released book descriptions, and excerpts for promotional purposes, which I have gratefully utilized in this post.)

“Belle de Jour is a woman who’s met men of every conceivable type. She knows what they want, and how to give it to them. And outside the one-hour appointments, she's also had her heart broken, picked herself back up, put on another stunning pair of shoes and carried on – so she knows a thing or two about love as well as sex. So sit back, relax and listen to what your friends are too polite to tell you. About when you need or want a man, and when you damn well don't. Whether you want to find men, lure them, ditch them, hitch them – here’s the lowdown. Funny, surprising and always entertaining, Belle de Jour's Guide to Men is must-have reading for every woman out there,” according to Orion Books.

In a March 14, 2004, feature in the London Times, columnists Richard Woods and Nicholas Hellen, wrote this about Belle, who was new then to the national scene:

“(Belle de Jour) is a male fantasy who has always seemed too good to be true: a stiletto-heeled sex bomb with the erudition of a college professor. She is Belle de Jour, a London call girl who has whipped up a storm in literary circles with a diary of her extraordinary life...

“By her own account Belle is the sort of woman who will pleasure a man to exhaustion and later discuss the finer points of French cinema. She will perform the contortions of a gymnast and still do the washing up.

“Her memoir of life as a high-class hooker began on the internet as a 'web-log,' or 'blog,' a diary accessible by anyone through their computer. As readers admired its style and wit, mainstream publishers took an interest,” and signed her to a multi-book deal.

Belle’s life of “vice” began this way, “Belle de Jour, diary of a London call girl, Vendredi 24 Octobre. Located what sounded like an excellent small, discreet agency (word of mouth, as they say). After e-mail contact and sending my photos, I finally arranged to meet the manager...”

From the start, her blog had cultural complexities: the name “Belle de Jour” comes from an acclaimed 1967 film, starring Catherine Deneuve, about a French housewife who is a part-time prostitute. (Belle has written how much she loves this movie.)

The earliest blog posts described how Belle joined the escort agency and began to juggle clients, her on-off boyfriend, along with other characters in a whirl of hotels, nightclubs and taxi rides around nocturnal London.

“What lifted it above the sordid morass of web sex was its cleverness and humor. In jaunty style, Belle skips from intimate body parts to the social anatomy of Britain. At university she had ‘studied a wholly academic humanities subject useless to the world at large.’ Her flat is ‘furnished in the slightly naff flowery vein favoured by landlords of the aspirant class.’ And she has taken care not to spread disease — by having a flu jab,” Woods and Hellen wrote in the 2004 feature.

Word of mouth worked. Soon Belle’s blog was being mentioned by others on the web, and it came to the attention of the print media. In December, 2003 a newspaper awarded Belle the first prize in its annual competition for the best-written blog.

Belle moved onto an even franker and personal discussion of life as an escort and sex, as her entry for Vendredi 23 Janvier records: “Regarding orgasms at work. I don’t. I don’t equate the number of orgasms with the level of enjoyment of sex...Let’s be honest, this is a customer service position, not a self- fulfilment odyssey..”

Her blog came to the attention of The Erotic Review, a highly regarded magazine of erotica and sex. Its editor Rowan Pelling, began publishing extracts from Belle’s blog. At the same time Patrick Walsh, a literary agent who includes the Booker prize winner DBC Pierre among his clients, was talking to at least two publishers about Belle. One was Serpent’s Tail; another was Weidenfeld & Nicolson. Walsh was keeping Belle’s identity closely guarded. An editor at Weidenfeld, was asked to sign a confidentiality agreement before being allowed to meet Belle.

Walsh has said that he only worked with people he could trust with Belle’s information: “We did various things with bank accounts and so on to make sure that she (Belle) can’t be tracked down. We are just not interested in playing the guessing game. She has family and friends she needs to protect.”

The rest, as they say, is blog and literature history. Today, Belle has earned fame well-beyond all but the most elite bloggers, and has also earned high praise and respect from the mainstream publishing world. So, here’s to Belle de Jour, long may she write!

The following excerpts from Belle de Jour’s Guide to Men, have been kindly released by Orion Publishing, and include British spellings:

“You might be wondering what, exactly, a prostitute might have to say to you about men and relationships. Let’s put it this way: I have met men. Loads of men. In my work as a call girl, I have seen them at their most cocksure and at their most vulnerable. If you are after what to do (and, more important, what not to do) in the company of men, then read on.

1. Get un-messed-up already

Seriously, if you are more riddled with self-doubt than the aristocracy are with pubic lice, then attraction is going to be a giant stumbling block for you. Men can smell the horror of an emotional mess a mile away — and, unlike women, they probably will not steer well clear, at least until they’ve got sex out of her first. Then they will vacate the premises at speed and with nary a fare-thee-well. There is a saying, attributed to Abraham Lincoln, that people are usually about as happy as they make up their minds to be. It is the truth. If there is a chemical, physiological reason why you are unhappy, then huzzah, we live in an age where these things can, and should, be sorted out, thank you very much, NHS. And, once you have done that, you can just choose to leave the rest behind. Or, to attach some religious gravitas to the concept, do the Buddhist thing and let it go.

2. Be interested

What turns men off? When they get the distinct feeling that they’re being auditioned for a role and not appreciated as individuals. So, how to let a fellow know you’re considering his particular merits, not just whether he could squeeze into a DJ and manage not to trip up on his way to the altar? By being genuinely curious about his life, his thoughts, his interests.

3. Men want only one thing... unconditional acceptance

Some say they’re breast men; others claim to prefer a long leg or a pleasing backside. These, I hope you’ve realised, are details. What a man really and truly craves is someone who loves him for who he is, and who is not on a mission to change that. “But! But!” I can all but hear you say. “You haven’t seen this one! His clothes/boutique facial hair/irritating best mate/poor taste in lager! If only I could make that one thing different, he would be perfect.” Turn the situation on its head. Let us imagine that, four dates in, Mr. Perfect tells you that you are every inch the woman for him, apart from the fact that you are blonde, not brunette. What does the sensible woman do? Laugh and tell him if he doesn’t like it, too bad. That is exactly the response he should get to such a ludicrous request. However, so unaccustomed are modern men to laughing in our faces, the female equivalent is rarely met with the public disdain it deserves. Instead, he either chooses to ignore your request — thus leading to insanely bottomless levels of resentment on your side — or tries to conform, which serves only to reinforce the lesson that your nagging will give the desired result, which leads to, well, more nagging.

In my previous relationships, I was the Queen of Nag. Someone cooked an egg the wrong way? Disaster! It was many years (and many failed relationships) before I learnt the golden rule of dating, in fact the golden rule of getting by with people in general: you’re as annoying as everyone else in the world. Wait, what? Yes, it is true that nobody is perfect, and all the time you’ve been wondering why everyone else in the world is such an idiot, everyone else has been wondering the exact same about you, because you’ve been doing annoying things right back, without even realising it.

So, how to live with the lovable quirks and foibles that so quickly will become the grit in the Vaseline of your relationship? Ask yourself whether, with a little bit of friendly patience, you can live with this particular habit/facial-hair arrangement/religious cult, unchanged, for ever? If the answer is yes, then get over it and don’t make a production out of it. No? Get out of the relationship and don’t make a production out of it.

4. OMG! Not AGAIN! or, how not to date the same guy over. And over. And over

So I’m going to say some things that may be hard to read, but are undoubtedly the truth. And I only know this because, sister, I have been there. I had to learn some very important lessons, not only about relationships, but about myself.

Lesson 1: You don’t keep dating the same guy... they keep dating the same girl

I’ll put it another way. If you don’t want to date guys who borrow money and stand you up, don’t be the kind of woman who puts up with those things. Stop giving men the impression that it’s okay for them to stand you up. You do this by leaving them when they do it, not by asking when your next dinner date is. Whether you admit it or not, you are choosing men based on similar traits. Everyone has deal-makers and deal-breakers, and you should stick to whatever yours are, without exception. Let’s say your ideal list is something like this:

- You want a real boyfriend, not one who will only call you his “friend” in public.
- You want someone who respects your time and doesn’t stand you up.
- You want someone who won’t take you for granted over time.

It’s entirely fair to ask to be treated well. The type of men you’re picking can’t do it. Look for men who can.

Lesson 2: Don’t date inside your friend group

Sometimes relationships that “just happen” are really about someone taking advantage of someone who seems easy to become intimate with, since you already know each other. Contrary to what romantic comedies would have us believe, the gradual evolution into relationship scenario isn’t actually a great start to a relationship. It’s more of a default in which nobody has to take responsibility for putting themselves out there as potential dating material. The bar is set too low. In other words, it might be that you could do a lot better than these guys — but maybe you aren’t secure enough to reach out to the wider world of potential partners. Instead, you end up settling for men who are just around a lot. And those tend to be the ones who have less to offer — because if they did, well, they too would be out working on dating somebody fabulous.

Lesson 3: Choose differently (but not too different)

You like nerdy intellectuals? Date a firefighter. Don’t discount anyone based on his CV alone, or because you don’t usually date single dads/Brummies/gingers/ whatever. Variety really is the spice of life.

Lesson 4: Take no crap

Long ago and far away back in uni, I was part of a social group where the women strove to be “low maintenance,” because men talked about what a pain high-maintenance girls were. In an effort to not be too much, we were often spineless and took a lot of rubbish. The high-maintenance girls got all the respect. We couldn’t figure it out. Being too demanding and drama-filled is rubbish, but the lesson from that era of my life stands.

These days, if I got the needy line for calling after two days, I would answer with, “This is not needy, this is what boyfriends and girlfriends do. If you think this is needy, you have some things to figure out. Call me when you get through with that.” If you don’t draw the line, people will push it further and further.

Lesson 5: The secret to great sex is ... enthusiasm

No window-dressing in the world could possibly make up for the fact that when you are in bed with a man, the thing he wants most is to imagine he’s rocking your world to its very foundation, and you don’t do that with red lacy briefs and porn acting. You do that by genuinely forgetting about the rest of the world for a bit and living in the moment.

Hot sex consists of going to bed with someone you respect and admire, and forgetting, at least for a short time, about the respect and admiration part. Because getting into the moment is hot; moment-by-moment paranoia about whether he will still regard you intellectually once he’s seen you in every compromising position and a few you didn’t even know you were flexible enough for, a bit less so.”

Belle well deserves to be on the bestseller list again!

When you’re looking for her latest book, Belle de Jour’s Guide to Men, be sure and check out Belle’s other books: The Intimate Adventures of a London Call Girl, September 2005; The Further Adventures of a London Call Girl, May 2007; and Playing the Game, June 2009. Not a ringer in the bunch – trust me. Cheers, lass!

Andrews' Alleged Stalker Arrested

Erin Andrews’ case raises questions well beyond what she has suffered, and the quality of the country’s privacy laws, striking at the very heart of women’s vulnerabilities to sexual exploitation.


Given the sophistication of today’s peeping devices coupled with criminal and/or sexual intent, both of which are underscored by this case, just how safe does any woman now feel who travels and stays in hotel rooms?

Nude videos were taken of Andrews’ in her private hotel room without her knowledge, and posted on the Internet, where they were viewed by millions and even downloaded.

Since 2004, Andrews, 31, has covered hockey, college football, college basketball and Major League Baseball for ESPN, which consistently emphasized her beauty during broadcasts. She was even named "sexiest sportscaster" by Playboy magazine in 2008 and 2009.

Women are frequently forced to be “packaged” as a sexual commodity if they work in any broadcast post in front of the camera. If they don't go along with this packaging, they are less likely to be promoted, or even given any significant air time.

This unspoken sexual credo is especially true in the sports field, where the majority of viewers are male. It is very rare that any male sportscaster is ever depicted primarily for his sexuality, or have his appearance openly discussed on camera.

Just how much that attitude, or subtle victimization,  contributed to Andrews' ultimate and broader victimization is unknown.

Insurance executive, Michael David Barrett, 47, of Westmont, Ill., was arrested Friday night and held in jail over the weekend. On Monday, he was given a conditional release pending the outcome of the charges. The judge ordered that he wear an ankle bracelet to allow authorities to constantly monitor his whereabouts, and also ordered him to have no contact with Andrews, and to not use the Internet. If he violates the terms of his release, bail would be revoked and he would be returned to federal custody and sent to jail where he would remain until the charges are adjudicated. Barrett, who is a divorced father, did not speak during proceedings.

Authorities said they did not know when Barrett became obsessed with Andrews, or had begun to follow her movements without her knowledge.

Barrett now faces charges of interstate stalking, accused of taking those nude videos of Andrews in her hotel rooms, while she was covering sporting events. He is also accused of trying to sell those videos to the celebrity Web site TMZ, and was also charged with posting the videos he had made online.

Andrews’ attorney immediately had the videos removed from the Internet, but it was far too late, as the images had already gone viral on the web. Unfortunately, those videos can still be found and viewed.

The charges again Barrett carry a maximum penalty of five years in prison, and a $250,000 fine, if convicted. The federal charges were filed in Los Angeles, where TMZ is based.

An FBI affidavit said agents had reviewed eight videos and all but one had appeared to be taken in a single hotel. The affidavit said Andrews had reviewed several and said they appeared to be of her in a room at the Marriott Nashville at Vanderbilt University.

In an interview with ABC's Good Morning America, Andrews said that she had assisted authorities in the case after recognizing a pair of blue jeans that she had worn during her Nashville stay.

Authorities said Barrett had occupied an adjacent room, and that the peephole in the door of Andrews' room appeared to have been modified with a hacksaw to permit videos to be made with a cell phone camera.

The affidavit said that in making his reservation in Nashville, Barrett specifically requested a room next to Andrews. She had stayed at the Marriott there on Sept. 4 for a work assignment. She had been given room 1051, and Barrett was given room 1049, according to the FBI complaint. The rooms were also secluded, together in an alcove, according to the complaint.

The FBI complaint also says that Barrett called 14 hotels in Milwaukee in July 2008 to find out which one Andrews was staying in while she covered a Major League Baseball game.

Although hotels aren't supposed to give out any information about guests, Barrett somehow found out that Andrews would be staying at the Radisson, where he also booked a room. Barrett didn't check into the Radisson, but FBI agents found a similarly tampered peephole where Andrews had stayed.

Investigators believe seven videos were recorded in Nashville, while an eighth video may have been shot at a hotel in Milwaukee, even though Barrett had never checked in, and the interior of that room did not fully match what was seen on the eighth video.

Over the weekend, Andrews thanked FBI agents and federal prosecutors for their work and said she hoped the case will eventually help others.

"For my part, I will make every effort to strengthen the laws on a state and federal level to better protect victims of criminal stalking," she said in a statement.

Andrews didn’t specifically address privacy laws, but legal experts have noted that penalties for violating them are minor in comparison to the humiliation and sexual exploitation suffered by victims. Stalking allegations carry only somewhat more severe penalties.

On Sunday, Andrews' lawyer, Marshall Grossman, questioned hotel security because of the way that Barrett had gained access to where his client had been staying. The case, "has significance far beyond Ms. Andrews," Grossman told the L.A. Times.

Grossman went on to say that the Marriott not only granted Barrett's request to have the room next to Andrews’ at the hotel, but also assigned them "rooms at the end of the hall, in an alcove, where anyone would be free to do just about whatever they wanted to do in complete privacy."

Those decisions, will "likely serve as a casebook study on poor hotel management," according to Grossman.

Joseph McInerney, CEO of the hotel industry's American Hotel and Lodging Association, told the LA Times that privacy is an issue "not just for celebrities."

Most hotels do not allow booking people in adjacent rooms merely because one of the guests requests it, he told the LA Times.

"They don't know what your motives are," McInerney told the L.A. Times, adding many hotels will not even confirm or deny a guest's presence.

Barrett, clad in the bright orange jumpsuit of a federal prisoner, made a brief initial appearance before U.S. Magistrate Judge Arlander Keys after his Friday night arrest by FBI agents at O'Hare International Airport.

A spokeswoman for the Combined Insurance Company of America confirmed that Barrett was an employee who worked in sales management.

Regaining My Life

I really like sex – a lot. But, I haven’t always. In fact, this is the first time in my life I’ve ever been at peace with – and thoroughly relishing in – my true and honest sexuality. I’ve been learning to deal with severe lupus for several years. You probably think this topic wouldn’t be connected to that challenge, but it is. Actually, it’s one of the most important aspects of coping with Mr. Wolf (the name I call my disease, since lupus is the Latin word for wolf.)

I’ve never, ever, written about sex in a personal way before, except on Twitter. Ironically, the constraints of Twitter’s 140 character limit frees my soul to be honest and discuss this fascinating, vital, and oh-so-human of subjects.

Anyone struggling with a serious disease or disability (of which lupus is both) soon discovers that there’s very little that the doctors actually prepare you for, in this new world of icky, awful illness.

Thus, the vast changes that are certain to befall your life are unexpected and really shocking. Sex falls into this category, for me. When I was introduced to Mr. Wolf, my body became THE enemy overnight. I didn’t know her anymore.

I have the most serious form of the disease, Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (pronounced: er-uh-thee-muh-toe-sus), also called SLE. (Click here for the Lupus Foundation of America.) SLE is an autoimmune disease. As such, it is characterized by a malfunction of the immune system. In these types of diseases, the immune system cannot distinguish between the body’s own cells and tissues and that of ‘foreign’ matter. So, rather than simply producing antibodies to attack invading viruses, bacteria or other similar foreign substances, my immune system creates auto-antibodies that attack my body’s own cells and/or tissues.

Why was my own body trying to destroy, or even kill me? I thought about it constantly. You see, Mr. Wolf not only effects my skin causing hideous red rashes (face, hands and legs,) but it’s systematically destroying my synovial joints, including the tendons in my hands, arms and legs, even the lining of my abdomen has been adversely affected. Sadly, I am slowly, but surely, losing my ability to walk.

I also have occasional swelling of my brain stem, which interrupts my cognition and memory – have I already said that? It has also attacked my serous (moisture-forming) membranes found in the lymph nodes. My illness has also been punctuated by acute episodes or "flare-ups" or "flares" of horrible sickness, and ever-briefer periods of stability. I have found that even sunlight worsens it.

At first, I often found myself looking deeply into the mirror: Who was this stranger that had taken over my body? And, even more importantly, how could I ever learn to live with her?

In addition, I had no desire for sex – I didn’t even want to be touched at all! Instead, I began to believe that I had no body, that I was no longer a woman, or even a human being, but simply a lump of flesh that temporarily housed my brain until my ever-approaching death.

I fell into a deep-as-the-deepest ravine depression. After a very long time, there was nothing left of the person who I once was. Nothing, absolutely nothing, remained. Or so I thought. I was wrong. Very wrong. A tiny, itty-bitty, bright even luminous speck of something had survived Mr. Wolf’s onslaught.

Was it my soul? I still don’t know. But, I have come to believe it was the divine spark of creation housed within all beings; that indescribable “something” that connects us all to each other regardless of race, gender, age, creed, religion or geography. Whatever it was, I felt it. Visceral. Real. I had not felt anything for so long, that it overcame me and I began to weep.

Suddenly, it dawned on me that instead of fighting with/or hiding from Mr. Wolf, I should try to initiate a truce. Peaceful co-existence. But, just how could I go about that? The answer was beyond obvious: reclaim my body, make her a part of me again. Integration in a literal sense. I would try to be kind, nurturing, draw her back – woo her as would a gentle lover. A long, heart-felt embrace might work. The ultimate seduction: The self.

Suddenly, abruptly even, she was no longer the enemy, nor was she a victim. She was simply, me. As I worked through it, I realized that my sexuality was the key, perhaps even the key to everything. I needed to feel arousal again, not even to feel sexy yet, but to just feel a nano flash of sexual interest – a little zing!

To be honest, I had no idea how to do that, either. So, I did what I always do when I have a problem, I researched, then I read, then I researched some more.

In doing that, I ran across some articles that mentioned erotica, then I ran across erotica! Whoa. I’m divorced and in my 50’s, and certainly not a prude, but I could still be shocked. To be honest, it wasn’t long before that shock traveled from by brain to...uh...nether regions. Eureka!

There was no way I could approach a partner with so little to offer, and with no confidence at all. What to do, what to do? I hadn’t masturbated since I was a teenager. Frankly, I wasn’t even very good at it back then. I didn’t feel guilty, I think it was a lack of creativity. I couldn’t stay focused. I didn’t even remember how many times I’d tried it, but I knew it was a million lifetimes ago.

Even though I felt shy and embarrassed at those ancient, sepia-tone memories, I knew I needed to try it again. As usual, I didn’t know how best to go about it. So, I researched, then I read, then I researched some more. I soon rewarded, finding an incredible organization and website called, The Welcomed Consensus, (Click here for the The Welcomed Consensus) which is devoted to that topic, and so much more.

Thanks to the Welcomed Consensus, I learned the latest sure-fire techniques, all taught in a wonderfully sex-positive way that boosts confidence, as well as libido. Women are more than respected at the site, they are revered as the complex human being we are. I even learned all of the correct names for my own genitalia, not only clitoris and vagina! It’s ridiculous that I didn’t know this basic information, don’t you think? Men certainly know there’s, as do all women, for that matter.

Well, after all of that research, I was SO VERY stoked to stroke, so to speak!

Then, disaster, complete and utter devastation! My disability prevented the movement required to even be remotely successful. Good grief, I was mortified! What to do, what to do? I loathed Mr. Wolf more at that moment than I had ever since the bastard had overrun my life.

What to do, what to do? I researched, then I read, then I researched some more. Do you know what I learned? There are NO aids to help people with disabilities have sex, or even to make it more comfortable. None, nada, no way, no how, none at all. Zip, zero. Get the utterly non-orgasmic picture?

There are zillions (at least it seemed like zillions if not kazillions) of so-called marital aids or sex toys, which are just the politically correct ways of referring to dildos, vibrators, nipple clamps, intimate lubricants, cock-rings, whips, paddles, leather corsets and the like. But, nothing for the disabled. Apparently, even the sex industry views us as useless, totally sexless creatures.

No longer was I shy and embarrassed, now I was flat-out-FUCKING furious! My fury was so great that it overcame my puritan upbringing, and I actually emailed inquiries to several sex toy companies. I was right; nothing to help me or my “kind,” I was told.

Okay then, I’d simply have to...improvise.

That was several years ago. After fits and starts I was eventually able to touch what I needed to touch. Success was achieved only after crafting my own device, which basically behaves as a curved extension of my own hand and fingers. There were, however, several prototypical failures before I developed the eventual winner. Whew, what a process!

I must admit that as a result of my endeavors I was forced, so to speak, to specifically learn what my body truly needs. Shockingly, I hadn’t known that before, despite having been a sexually active adult. Previously, I had only known in detail what my partner needed from me to achieve sexual fulfillment.

Ultimately, my understanding of the importance of enfolding my body with love and tenderness led to an ability to do the same with a partner. I am once again, a fully-functioning woman. But, this woman is the not the same woman whom I had been. No, this new version embraces her sexuality, every aspect, every dot and iota of the experience. I’ve even devotedly studied tantric sexual meditations, which have enriched my entire life.

Mr. Wolf is not present in my bedroom any more. The ability to bar him from any area of my life was such a huge victory that it is almost indescribable. Over time, that victory has led to many others, large and small. Now, he is no longer the star he once was, but has instead been relegated to a mere annoying bit player in my life.

Make no mistake, it was that first victory – regaining my own sexuality – that was the turning point in achieving my mental and physical stability. I will always have lupus, but lupus no longer has me.

It’s not easy, emotionally or physically, to have a satisfying sex life when you’re disabled, suffering from an acute disease, or illness. I am convinced, however, that it is impossible to thrive without one. Sex doesn’t just promote overall health, it promotes the very breath of life.

New on DVD - Sasha Grey

Adult Film star Sasha Grey’s her first mainstream movie, The Girlfriend Experience, was released Oct. 1 on DVD.

Grey's performance has been widely praised, and is apt to open the Hollywood or Indie Film door to other adult-film stars who have more than mere physical attributes.

The film, directed by award-winner Steven Soderbergh, tries to answer a basic question: Why do men pay for sex?

But, the film takes a different approach in telling the tale, focusing on Grey’s character, a call girl who may have given up more than she’s gained.

Grey portrays Chelsea, a $2,000-an-hour Manhattan call girl, who offers more than mere sex to her clients; it's her companionship and conversation that provides her customers with, “the complete girlfriend experience.”

Chelsea thinks she has her life totally under control, but when you're in the business of meeting people, control can be easily manipulated.

Shot in an artistic cinema verité style, Soderbergh has credited Michelangelo Antonioni's Red Desert and Ingmar Bergman's Cries and Whispers as influences. The film is also notable because it was produced for a mere $1.3 million (almost free by Hollywood standards) and was shot with a relatively inexpensive RedOne camera.

The drama is set in the days leading up to the 2008 Presidential election, and depicts five days in Chelsea’s life. As an ultra high-end call girl, she believes her future is secure because she runs her own business her way, and even has a devoted boyfriend who accepts her lifestyle.

At first, it appears that she has achieved her success as an upscale escort without any loss of dignity, but then it becomes apparent that she has lost something even more valuable: her ability to feel anything deeply – either in her work guise, or her personal life.

In an uncomplicated way, the film makes a provocative point about the more subtle price of achieving great success in any business, and its true cost.

Soderbergh first learned about Grey when he read about her in a feature appearing in Los Angeles Magazine.

While some film critics panned the film, noted critic Roger Ebert rated the film Four out of Four Stars, the highest rating, saying, "This film is true about human nature. It clearly sees needs and desires. It is not universal, but within its particular focus, it is unrelenting."

In a glowing review, Chazz Lyons, film critic from Gone Cinema Poaching, also awarded the film the highest rating, saying, "For my money, Soderbergh’s stylish, structurally innovative, and visually stunning 19th movie is, bar none, the best film of 2009 thus far, and the year’s first masterpiece."